


Glimpse of Home

by romachebella



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drug Abuse, Drugged Sex, F/F, Fluff, M/M, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-20
Updated: 2013-10-28
Packaged: 2017-12-29 23:53:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 52,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1011567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romachebella/pseuds/romachebella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where M/M and F/F couples conform to the norm, Castiel Novak, renowned owner and cook of "Heaven´s Gates", has found the love of his life in Dean Winchester. Sharing a life with the skilled mechanic can be challenging though...especially as Dean is haunted by a past so different from Castiel´s own happy one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Heaven´s Gates

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first try on Destiel...  
> My fav slasher combination simply because I love the promising dynamics of this couple.  
> I have chosen a way of telling the story non-linear, using shifts in time, flashbacks, filling in dream sequences and sometimes free indirect speech. Forgive me if I haven´t taken the path of the omniscient third-person storyteller...to me, a torn and frayed narrative mirrors a confusing world best...

Chapter 1

„DEAN!“  
„DEAN, WHERE ARE YOU!“  
Cas squinted into the dim alley. How long could it possibly take someone to get rid of a few garbage bags?  
The loud banging noise coming from the trash bins eventually told Cas exactly where his mate was. The squealing sound of the huge container lid being opened and shut again – accompanied by muttered cursing - made him chuckle.  
„Come on, man! Dinner is ready.“  
He waited for the dark figure to emerge from the shadows. When Dean reached the bright square of light falling from the door Cas held open for him, he stopped.  
„Tell me why I am your garbage boy once again?“, he said grumpily, examining the soles of his precious vintage Cowboy boots.  
„Because that´s what you can do best“, Cas answered with his sweetest voice.  
Dean shot him a dark look.  
„The moment I find my boots ruined by your leftovers I quit“, he growled.  
Cas laughed at him.  
„It´s not my leftovers you should be afraid of“, he chuckled.  
„The Chinese butcher´s on the other side....“  
Dean froze, his left foot still in his hand. He gave his boot an apprehensive look.  
„So that´s where the stench is coming from“, he sighed. „This container...I wouldn´t put my worst enemies near it.“  
Cas grabbed his partner´s arm and pulled him inside the back entrance, making Dean stumble as he had still been scrutinizing his beloved footwear.  
„Oh yes you would“, he said, a grin on his face. „In fact you would put them right inside it and close the lid on them locking it up with a chain.“  
Dean caught his step and grinned too.  
„Know what....I guess you are right“, he said, wiping his hands on the sides of his torn jeans.  
„What´s for dinner?“  
„Nothing whatsoever if you plan on eating without washing your hands properly“, Cas scolded him.  
Dean rolled his eyes.  
„OK, MOOOOOOOOOM“ he cried in mock exasperation.  
Cas laughed again, pushing his mate to the door on the left side of the small but well organized storage room. `management´ read the sign on the door. Someone – Cas had a fairly good idea who – had taped a piece of paper to the metal door right under the white plastic sign. ´dicks only´ was scribbled on it with red felt pen. Cas watched the door swing closed behind his partner and waited until he heard the sound of splashing water coming from the little bathroom reserved for the staff.  
He smiled and went through the swing doors at the far end of the crammed storage room. An open kitchen welcomed him, stainless steel glinting, all surfaces squeaky clean and shimmering in the bright kitchen lights. Cas weaved through the narrow space between the working sills and the huge kitchen block in the center of the cooking area. Two stainless pots sat on the stove, gas flames flickering underneath. When Cas opened the lid, a heavenly scent filled the room. Cas took a spoon from the holder and stirred. The scent grew stronger, a mixture of mediterranean spices, lemon and something sweet yet pleasantly tangy .  
„Man that smells like Heaven“, he heard Dean´s deep voice behind his back.  
Cas smiled.  
„It should as I am the one who cooked it“, he said with mock sobriety.  
„And you know damn well I´m an Angel so...no surprise here.“  
Dean chuckled, wrapping his arms around his partner, kissing the top of his head.  
„Yes you are....“ he purred into Cas´dark hair. „Although `damn´ wouldn´t be the choice of words for an angel now would it?“  
Cas leaned fondly into his partner´s embrace. Dean bent down and brushed a tender kiss on his cheekbone, right under Cas´closed eye.  
„If it doesn´t live to my expectations I can always eat you instead.“  
Cas righted himself up, turning around and facing his partner´s lopsided grin.  
When Dean tried to grab his earlobe between his teeth, Cas turned his head away, scrutinizing him through narrowed eyes.  
„Did you smoke out there?“  
Dean´s grin vanished. A rueful expression appeared on his handsome face, just for a moment before he put on a way too composed face of nonchalance.  
„What if?“. He asked, shrugging slightly.  
„Dean“. Cas´voice was sombre.  
„What!“ Dean looked at him, obviously annoyed...and yet Cas could sense something else in his voice....shame?  
„It´s been only a month. You know what Dr. Harvelle –„  
„Screw Dr. Harvelle“, Dean scoffed, turning away from his partner, fidgeting with the spoon in it´s holder.  
„I´m perfectly fine, and I felt like having a smoke. ONE smoke, Cas. That´s it. It won´t kill me.“  
He looked up from the spotless counter, right into the big blue eyes of his mate who observed him, worry and apprehension showing on his face.  
Cas openend his mouth as if he was going to say something, but closed it again. He sighed, wondering how often they would have to have this conversation again....sometimes he felt like being in a relationship with a teenager. A strikingly handsome, rebellious kid in the gorgeous body of a young adult.  
„Let´s eat“, he said instead, turning to his pots again. „Fetch the plates and cutlery, will you?“  
He heard Dean open and close doors and drawers, the sound of his heavy boots on the floor making his movements traceable without actually seeing him.  
„White wine!“, Cas shouted from the storage room where he was filling a small basket with rolls and freshly cut slices of olive bread.  
When he entered the kitchen area again, Dean had laid their favorite table in the small niche right at the back corner of the restaurant. Cas smiled when he saw the neatly folded napkins and the already burning candle in the center of the small rectangular table.  
So Dean HAD a bad conscience after all. Good. He wasn´t as indifferent as he wanted everyone make believe. Cas knew that perfectly well, but he sometimes feared that Dean himself was the only one falling for his own charade.  
„Nice“, Cas commented on the table, handing the bread to Dean and fetching a bottle from the huge wine cooler. He squinted at the label, putting it back after a moment, and settled for another bottle.  
„This one should be perfect“, he murmured, holding it up for Dean to open it.  
Dean obliged, fiddling with the heavy opener until the soft and satisfactory sound of a cork flipping out of a bottleneck was clearly audible in the quiet room.  
Cas loaded their plates with pasta, chicken and his new surprise creation, added a twig of basile to each plate, carried the huge white plates to their table and said, bowing slightly with his best High Voltage TV Smile:  
„Misseur, la table est mise.“  
Dean inspected the artwork on his plate for a moment before he looked up at Cas.  
„All the fuss about chicken and pasta? Come on Cas, I expected something really spectacular.“  
Cas shrugged his shoulders in a good humoured way, not going for his partner´s teasing. He knew his strength – and Dean´s weaknesses.  
„Buon Appetito“, he said, smiling at Dean, his face a picture of innocence.  
„Ah, Italian, is it?“, Dean asked, his interest wide awake all of a sudden.  
„Well that´s at least something.“  
He took his fork, ready to dig in, but froze in midair.  
„Wait“, he said slowly, the mischievious grin showing on his face again.  
Cas looked at him, surprised. Dean was not one to delay meals on purpose.  
„As you pointed out to your first and best critic earlier, this meal has been cooked by a supernatural if not heavenly creature.“ Dean laid his fork down again and lifted his glass full of pale white wine instead.  
„So it´s only justified to bow our heads and pray to the God of Food and Abundance, thanking him ...or her... for the inspiration and skills bestowed unto his...or her...humble servant aka Castiel.“  
Cas chuckled, lifting his glass too and taking a long swig of the cold wine.  
„My first and best critic, huh?“, he asked, shaking his head.  
„You would eat anything I put on a plate in front of you and you know it!“  
Dean tucked his fork into the pasta, dipping it into the dark and deliciously smelling sauce.  
„No need to spoil a perfectly clean plate each time“, he murmured, holding the fork to his nose and sniffing his mate´s new creation with closed eyes.  
„If your cooking keeps smelling like this, I´m perfectly OK with eating from the pot...as long as I can finish everything that´s inside!“


	2. Food

Chapter 2

Cas loved watching Dean when he was eating. He had not met ayone else so far digging in his food with matching dedication and commitment. It didn´t matter to Cas that Dean showed the same enthusiasm divouring a burger at his favorite diner as enjoying his mate´s well composed - and usually highly appraised – meals. Dean just loved any good food, and as his face was easily showing all the emotions a good meal was evoking in him, Cas enjoyed watching him eating more than the appreciative review of any well known restaurant critic.

Sometimes Cas liked to think he should have lived in another time, when cooks were cooks and not yet chefs and everybody seemed glad to eat as much fat and sugar and meat in one meal as possible – in a real meal that is, not in the fast-food-fried-all kind of trash the average consumer liked to call food these days.  
Now the people who had the money to afford eating in restaurants like his own and enjoying the refined and creative cooking he offered, sadly seemed to have forgotten how to enjoy food at all. When he watched them eat, he could see the calories clock´s wheels whirling and counting in their minds. If he had cooked with the ingrediants he would have loved to use – oil, fat pork meat, butter and cream, lots of cream – he would hardly have had any customers at all. So he conceded to the lifestyle of his clientele, offering light salads instead of lard bread and fat free roast turkey instead of the wonderful pork his mother used to make her roasts with. And even then, people were always counting, measuring, as if while eating they already calculated the work out hours it would cost them to burn the energy they were taking in.

„You not eating? Is it poisoned or what?“  
Dean´s question brought Cas back to the table and the pleasant sight of his partner chewing a spoonful of pasta with obvious delight.  
Cas laughed.  
„I sincerely hope not“, he said, rolling spaghetti on his fork. He would have to work on the color of his new sauce. It was too dark; the black olives and the staged ham in it made it a brownish violet not very inviting to the eye. The things you had to think of as a chef nowadays...  
He shoved the pasta into his mouth and chewed, eyes closed. It was good. He could say that much without being overly self-satisfied.  
„Good, huh?“  
He opened his eyes again and found Dean watching him, licking the last drops of sauce off his fork.  
„You planning on putting it on the menu? Cause I could certainly live with eating it every other week or so.“  
Cas chuckled and watched Dean wipe his plate with a slice of bread. Dean could still surprise him by the sheer velocity of his eating.  
„Want some more?“, he asked his partner, refilling their glasses while he spoke.  
„There´s plenty left.“  
„I´ll have some more if you finish your plate“, Dean answered with a grin.  
Cas rolled his eyes.  
„Who´s the Mom now“, he murmured.  
Dean used to tease him a lot when they started dating, Cas probably being the only cook who simply forgot to eat if no one reminded him to. Now they had found some kind of routine in treating their respective signs of self –neglect, Dean always looking to it that Cas had at least one decent meal a day and Cas watching over his partner´s behaviour in general. Dean, Cas had found out shortly after meeting him, followed many roads of self destruction.  
„Deal“, he said, lifting the glass and taking a sip.  
„But you have to tell me about the car while I´m eating.“  
Dean leaned back in his chair, streching his arms and scratching his neck.  
„This one´s killing me“, he yawned.  
„Seriously, if Bobby brings in another one like this one I´ll simply refuse to work on it.“  
Cas smiled.  
„If I recall correctly, you said exactly the same about your last job. And look what you made of it!“  
Dean rolled his head to loosen his stiff neck. The many hours he spent lying under cars or bending over bonnets turned his muscles into one hard clod regularly.  
„This one´s worse if you can believe it. The engine´s corroded to an extent I´m not even sure I can use any part of it, and the chassis is so rust-eaten you can actually use it as a giant sieve.“  
He went on about internal combustion engines and camshafts and gearing, his voice getting more and more excited, eyes bright with enthusiasm.  
Cas nodded and smiled and asked questions now and then, but mainly he watched....Dean´s green eyes, shining in the candlelight, his full lips, the perfectly carved eyebrows who seemed to have a life of their own.  
Cas swallowed hard. These were the moments when he felt he could drown any moment, being simply swallowed by the immense joy he felt. This was it. Love. Watching someone, listening to his voice, and wishing this moment would never stop.  
He choked on a piece of bread and started to cough, eyes watering.  
„Sorry“, he croaked and reached for his glass.  
Dean eyed him suspiciously.  
„Did I say something wrong? Or are you just weeping over the sad remains of a former gorgeous Pontiac Arcadian?“  
Cas swallowed down the rest of the bread with a long swig of wine. He dabbed at his wet eyes with his napkin.  
„Sorry“, was all he could muster to answer, voice hoarse from the coughing.  
„You would be sorry if you were me coughing up my lungs, being watched by you“, Dean said grumpily.  
„You should thank the Lord I´m not making a fuss about every damn thing like you do.“  
Dean took a sip of his wine too.  
„But then the Lord has little to do with it...thank me instead.“  
He rolled his eyes at Cas.  
„If it were me coughing here, you would probably already have called 911 by now, not to mention shove some distasting aerosol into my mouth and an injection into my arm.“  
When Cas opened his mouth to protest, eyes on fire, Dean lifted his arms in mock surrender.  
„OK, OK. I´m not making any more jokes about it.“  
„You promised“, Cas croaked.  
„Yes I did“, Dean sighed.  
„But you are such an easy tease, Cas. Can´t always resist the temptation can I?“  
His lopsided grin made Cas laugh against his will.  
„Speaking of temptation“, he asked, voice back to normal again, „what about a second serving now?“

The momentary tension caused by Cas´coughing – or rather Dean´s reaction to it - was safely put away and saved for a discussion they would have to have sooner or later. Dean finished his second plate with undiminished pleasure, Cas nibbled on a slice of olive bread and sipped his wine, talking about his plans for a few changes on the menu.  
When they hit the bottom of the wine bottle, Cas got up to fetch a new one; but to his surprise Dean stopped him, holding a hand over his empty glass.  
„No more wine for me, Cas“, he said.  
„Tomorrow the owner of my current patient is due for a first progress report...and if I want to be able to report any progress at all I´ll have to be at the garage at six...at the latest.“  
He heaved a heavy sigh.  
„Middle of the night practically“, he growled, rolling his head again in a gesture so typical for him.  
Cas went over to Dean´s chair and began to massage his neck.  
He rubbed his shoulders and kneaded the hardened muscles with expert hands.  
Dean groaned with pleasure and relaxation.  
„Oh man“, he sighed.  
„I should hire you for this...you´d have to be at my disposal all day. You could do this while I´m lying under a car right?“  
„Sure“, Cas replied dryly.  
„But you could never afford me, garage boy. Not in your hottest dreams:“  
Dean laughed and grabbed Cas´ hands, pulling him down and kissing his chin and throat.  
„You bet I could“, he said, voice deep and rough.  
„Who says I´d pay you in money!“


	3. Danneel

Chapter 3

Danneel stared out of the window of her brother´s car. She was fuming. Not that anyone could have noticed....she sat perfectly still,. Only her twitching fingers showed that she was not as composed as she seemed. She watched her brother walk over to the gaping doors of „Bob´s Garage“, the old and slightly decrepit car repair where he had brought his newest toy to, an old Pontiac, found in a withered hippie´s backyard outside of town.  
The gang was with him. Of course they were...when were they ever not at his side? Or, rather, in his wake...the gang boys were devoted, loyal, but a little bit too obsessed with hierarchy and rules and orders for her taste. Even when they did not much but hang around, play cards, molest outstanding citizens by driving by in their tuned cars in slow motion, throwing threatening looks at them – worked each time -, they seemed to cling on her brother´s lips as if he preached the damned Holy Bible to them. They were friends, but no equals; they were...groupies.  
The only real friend her brother ever had was currently doing a five years sentence in a Correction Center 3 states over. Danneel wasn´t really sorry about it. Gabriel was a smart, entertaining and well educated guy; but most of his intelligence went into projects on the verge of legality – or far beyond it. He had the sentence coming for years, and was lucky to have got such a short one.  
Danneel sighed. This would take forever when she knew anything about her brother. His obsession with cars, especially muscle and racing cars from the late 60s and 70s, was maybe the one big weakness in life. He spent a fortune on them, finding them, having them restored and repaired. As soon as a new one crossed his path, he ditched the last one like an anoying boyfriend and sold it....for good money. Her brother was an excellent salesman. Among other things...  
She watched them vanish into the old brick building. Heck, it looked like a picture from the 60s, brick and cracked tarmac and white washed walls filled with shelves and hooks and the occasional prize cup in between. She opened the passenger door.  
She would NOT stay in the car like an unruly child. She was only one year younger than her brother and did certainly not need a babysitter anymore, and when her big bro believed so - well, then he was wrong. She was in pre-law school for heaven´s sake, not in her first elementary class!  
Danneel got out of the car. She leaned against the soft curve of its motorhead and searched her purse for cigarettes. Another thing her brother wouldnt be happy about....he was an almost fanatic non-smoker. One of the former-chain-smoker-turned-smokefree guys with a mission.  
Lightning her cigarette, she could hear muffled voices from inside the garage. She inhaled long and deeply, savouring the bittersweet smoke from her tongue to her throat. God, she had really needed that smoke!  
On the left side of the garage doors standing ajar a wide sliding door seemed to lead to some kind of courtyard hidden behind a rather tall brick wall. Danneel listened carefully. Was there music coming from behind the large door? She pushed hersef off the gleaming Ford and walked to the closed door. Yeah, she had been right; music beats came through the heavy metal doors, making her ears tickle when she laid the side of her head against the rusty doors.  
Rock. Old fashioned 60s Rock music....she couldnt make out the song, but she was pretty sure it was Led Zeppelin playing. Not the worst choice...Danneel smiled. Her last girlfriend had been pretty obsessed with the 60s in general...and with the miniskirts, psychedelic ornaments and cruel colors came the music of the period. Danneel hadnt known much of it until then, but she had come to find it bearable if not even great on occasion.  
She tried the sliding door´s handle, and it opened easily. She peered through the narrow gap: She had been right, behind the wall a rather large courtyard opened between the three storage brick buildings. She got a glimpse of various old cars in all stages of repair – or rather disrepair – and spare parts lying haphazardly in between. Bobby – if this was the owner´s real name at all – didnt seem to bother with excessive tidiness. The whole garage gave the impression of slight neglect. In a charming way, Danneel thought.  
Opening the door a few more centimeters, she found her brother´s car in the middle of all the creative mess. It was jacked up, tires, doors and motorhead removed. Danneel snorted. Her brother wouldnt be very pleased when he found his prized object stripped and naked like that...as far as she could tell from the gang´s conversation on the drive here, he was expecting the car to be practically repaired, painted and polished by now.

The music she had heard came from an old cassette recorder – God, who on Earth used them anymore! – positioned in front of the Pontiac. A pair of legs in faded and grease stained jeans stood out from under the old car, together with nicely aged Cowboy boots...aged by being worn excessively if the hole in one of the soles was any sign for it.  
The voices of her brother and his gang were clearly audible now, and a rather gruffy voice called out:  
„Dean! You still under that car boy? Your costumer´s here !“

Danneel heard a bang and muttered swearing. The legs in the Cowboy boots began to move in her direction until the whole figure of the mechanic came out from under the old car.  
The young man sat up hastily, rubbing his front and still swearing under his breath.  
The fact that he smeared his face with black grease doing this made Danneel giggle.  
The mechanic looked so young with his smeared face, like the little boys running to Supermum in the average detergent ad.  
He looked up, obviously aware of someone laughing at him.  
Their eyes met.  
Danneel caught her breath. Oh no. No no no no. Not again. Not now. Not –  
„Ah, there you are, boy! This is Mr. Matt Roman who placed this Beauty in our care.“  
The gruffy voice again, slightly coated with professional politeness.  
Danneel closed the door as much as she could so nobody would find her spying like a nosy schoolgirl. She saw the young mechanic scramble to his feet and kicking the skateboard he had been lying on before under the car.  
Danneel stared through the gap....he was absolutely breathtaking. Hair messed up from his under-car-work, jeans hanging loose on narrow hips, crumpled plaid shirt and stained T-shirt tight over strong arms....and the face....  
Danneel felt the hair in her neck stand on end. Goosebumps on her arms and legs made her shiver....and yet her face grew hot.  
She squinted at the young man – well the part he could see of him – stretching his hand out and smiling politely.  
„Mr. Roman – Dean Winchester. My best mechanic. He can do magic with these old Beauties here...“  
Gruffy Voice seemed to mean what he said...Danneel could hear genuine pride lying underneath the professional joviality.  
„Pleased to meet you...“  
A deep, slightly rough voice. Danneel gasped. A hot feeling began to creep up her body, sure as hell making her face look like an ugly tomatoe.  
She heard her brother´s voice, angry and irascible as always, and closed the door carefully.  
She leaned against the brick wall and closed her eyes, waiting for the hot feeling to vanish.  
This couldnt be happening. Not again. Not now.  
She had been so sure this time....that she had overcome her.....issues. All the tedious therapy hours, the effort she put into her relationship with Naomi and now Gen...the normality of campus life.  
Blast away in one second.  
Who did she believe to be kidding here? The normality was a charade.  
She was different. An abomination.  
Because she liked boys.


	4. Dean

Chapter 4

Dean automatically reached out his hand to the young man standing in front of him without thinking. Only when the dark haired – and rather handsome – guy frowned slightly, not extending his own hand in return, was he aware of the black grease covering his palms and fingers.  
He let his hand fall down at his side, wiping it on his already dirty jeans (Cas wouldnt be thrilled about that...).  
He nodded instead.  
„Pleased to meet you...“  
He forced a polite smile on his face. The guy was a douchebag right from the Big Manual Of Very Dispensible Assholes. Dean could tell...he had met his share of them during his stray years...  
Mr. Douchebag had the decency to meet Dean´s expectations without losing any time.  
„I thought we were getting a progress report here?“ he asked, looking Dean´s dishevelled appearance up and down with deliberate slowness.  
„The only progress I can see is stripping my car from every possible part. I could have managed that without the help of your BEST mechanic, you know Mr. Singer..“  
He stared into Dean´s eyes, looking for a reaction to his deliberately offending tone.  
Dean´s hands itched to wipe the smug expression off his face.  
But he felt Bobby´s warning look – more then he actually saw it – and kept his anger deep down in his belly.  
He settled for the „ If-you-knew-half –as-much-as us-professionals“ approach instead...a nearly unbeatable method to annoy self announced experts .  
„Well, Mr. ...er..Roman?... at first sight your Pontiac looked not too bad at all....seemed in rather good shape. But once we took off the hood and had a look at the engine it was clear the renovation would be a huge project.....“  
Dean went on and on, showing decrepit parts and bits and rust filled holes and some of the parts he had already removed from the engine. Whenever his „customer“ opened his mouth to ask something – or rather complain about it , when you considered his sour face – Dean cut him off by simply talking more and even faster than before. He grinned inwardly. The one thing he could drone on about for hours if needed was cars.

He noticed tho that Mr. Douchebag seemed not as dumb as he had thought before. At least his interest in the car was genuine, and the more Dean showed and blathered, the more similar his face grew to that of a 7year-old in front of his Christmas presents.  
Well, obviously he knew something about old cars at least – or he was a very good actor faking to understand each word of Dean´s professional talk.

When Dean finally concluded with:  
„..and that´s why it will take me at least two more weeks to even think of painting this babe!“, „babe´s“ owner seemed rather impressed than annoyed. For a moment at least. He decided to ruin the moment by asking,  
„Do you pay your people by hours or by words here Mr. Singer? Cause if the latter your employees must be well funded. I wish your Best mechanic“ – his tone was piercing, and Dean had to fold his arms tightly not to strike out against the asshole –„ a working ethic as exuberant as his talking skills.“  
Dean glanced at Bobby, who raised his eyebrows in a „I-know-he´s-worse-than-The-Queen-Of-Hearts-but what-can-you-do-we-need-fluent-clients“ kind of look.  
Dean stifled a sigh and brought himself to nod and grin in fake self-mockery. He owed Bobby that much.

When Mr. Kiss-my-ass and his groupie boys – their obvious devotion for their Alpha male was kind of obscene – left, Dean snorted and turned to the rusty sliding door.  
It was closed.  
It hadnt been when he had rolled out from under the Pontiac, he was pretty sure of it.  
Someone had watched him ....and their eyes had met for a moment. Light brown eyes in a pale face, long dark red hair waving down a pair of perfect cheekbones.  
A girl...young woman rather. He´d seen her gasp, eyes widening.  
Dean looked down his clothes. Had his appearence somehow frightened her? He was dirty for sure....  
He shook his head. Only people suffering from obsessive washing disorder would react like that....but then maybe that was her problem after all.  
He went over to the door and opened it to squint out the narrow gap.  
There she was! Leaning against a beautifully restored Ford Mustang painted in racing colors – Dean wasnt above appreciating another artist´s work - and sucking on a cigarette as if her life depended on it.  
Dean felt the searing need he´d become used to during the last month creep up his belly. His fingers twiched. He pressed his lips together. He had a package hidden in his locker – taped it to the ceiling actually, just to be on the safe side. No. He would not go there.  
He would not disappoint Cas again.  
He watched the girl at the car instead. She was beautiful, all long legs and gorgeous boobs, long wavy hair an exceptional shade of red....a real heartbreaker in the girl´s department. Her lovely face displayed a variety of emotions tho....and no happy ones among them. Dean was intrigued. She looked...desperate. And angry. And ....sad.  
When voices came from the garage, she hastily threw the cigarette on the ground, grinding it with her elegant boot and kicking it under the car. Within seconds she had disappeared in the car, an arrogantly bored expression on her face.  
Strange. Very strange indeed.  
Dean shrugged and wanted to close the sliding door when he saw groupie boy and his entourage coming out the main entrance. They went straight to the Mustang, laughing and kidding around. Man, what a bunch of spoiled wannabes.  
They opened the doors and slipped into the car, Mr. Douchebag at the wheel – where else would he sit – and Dean got a last glimpse of Redhead and her very appealing pout.  
The motor roared, tyres squealed, and the whole gang disappeared around the corner.  
Dean scratched his sore neck.  
Interesting group dynamics. He wondered why anyone would watch soap operas on TV when one could witness scenes like this in real life.


	5. Cas

Chapter 5

Cas licked his fingers.  
Hmmmmmm....cream. Was there anything better in the whole world than whipped cream?  
Well, his Mother´s pork roast came pretty close...but cream would be the manna or ambrosia - or whatever else you called Godly food nowadays - of his life.  
He eyed his latest creation suspiciously. Did it meet the eye? Especially the eye of a customer who already had soup and main course and salad...  
It did. The Cassata looked like just fallen from Heaven...well, not literally. Cas chuckled. But the cream-chocolate-soft cake mixture seemed to melt on your tongue even while you were just watching it.  
He would of course feed it to Dean first.....thinking of Dean´s face with the first spoon full of Cassata between his gorgeous lips made Cas smile....and his cheeks burn.  
God, he couldnt possibly get a hard on thinking of his boyfriend and Cassata....so embarrassing!  
„You are pathetic, Chef“ he murmured, taking the used dishes to the sink and starting to wash them vigorously. 

The moment he had set eyes on Dean for the first time he was totally and epically lost.  
God, the feeling....it had been like being struck by lightning. Well, Cas had no experiences with lightnings so far ( only a minor incident with a lawn mower and a leaky power cable, nothing but a few burns..). But that was what he considered it to be like....  
Love at first sight.  
He would have laughed at anyone who believed in this romantic 19th century British novel stuff until that moment. And he had read a lot of these, one of his mothers being a professor in English literature at the local college. But still....real life was about school and learning and finding your way and friends and fun and experimenting as long as you could without ties and bonds and vows (God! His Mothers´ Vow Renewal....it had given him goosebumps at the time!).  
But along came Dean.  
And everything changed....

Cas needed a moment to realize he had already washed the pot he was holding under the water tap. Christ. Pathetic. Didnt he know it...  
He took a clean and thoroughly ironed dishcloth out of the drawer and started to dry the pots and pans. Of course he could have waited for them to dry for themselves...but he liked his kitchen neat and clean and gleaming.  
Having put the Cassata in the fridge –already rather loaded with a pan full of Osso Buco and Dean´s survival amount of beer – he started to rub all the kitchen´s surfaces once more.  
He hated closing day. Every other night he would be at the restaurant, too busy to even think of his lover´s lovely face...the full lips...the startingly green eyes...the unruly hair...  
„Get – a – grip!“ he told himself.  
Well, there were always the books to do...nothing more calming and soothing for a love stricken heart than bills and new tax regulations.  
With a sigh he went over to his desk and fetched the folders from the shelf. OK then.  
With Dean coming home that late – he had called only two hours ago, saying,  
„I´ll be stuck here for at least three more hours, Cas....this babe´s a real moribund patient, and her next of kin is Mr. Douchebag of the Year so....I really need to speed things up a bit. You eat your dinner, you hear me? Don´t wait for me, I manage to eat on my own you know...“ - , at least he would have some of this tedious work done before Dean came home.

Two hours later the sound of the key turning in the appartment´s door locker pulled him from the fascinating world of billing and accounting. With a (rather relieved) sigh he put down his pen and rubbed his tired eyes.  
Dean´s boots made their sharp clicking noise on the tile floor, and then he stood in the doorway to their living room, short hair ruffled, leather jacket damp and glistening.  
„Hey there!“ He sounded cheery.  
Cas´ heart made this little nervous jumpy movement, like tiny wings fluttering inside his chest one time. It had done so each and every time when Dean had been away....it didnt matter if for two hours or two weeks.  
„Hey there yourself“, he answered, stifling a yawn and streching his weary arms.  
„You hungry?“  
Dean only laughed and went back to the entrance door to get rid of his boots and jacket.  
„I could eat an ox“, he said. „Totally forgot the time under this wreck of a car. T´was my belly who reminded me to come home! Started growling like mad.“  
Cas closed his laptop and tried to arrange the folders, papers and bills in a way they wouldnt get messed up.  
He smiled widely when Dean came back into the living room, feet in socks.  
„Youre one lucky guy then“, he said with a chuckle. „As I have some Osso Buco waiting for you in the fridge!“  
Dean came to him with two long strides and wrapped him in a tight embrace.  
„Lord in Heaven“, he cried, pressing his lips against Cas´ rather messed up hair. „I´m not sure how I have earned you.....must have done something right in a former life I guess.“  
He squeezed Cas one more time and held him at arms length then, eyes taking in every detail of his lover´s face.  
„You havent eaten yet either“, he said. It was not a question, but a statement.  
„No.......not really“, Cas replied, and seeing Dean´s brows furrow dramatically, he added hastily,  
„I wanted to wait and eat together. You know I hate eating alone!“  
„How would I know that if you never actually do it!“, Dean answered, but with a warm smile in his eyes.  
„Well let´s get started then......I really am starving right now!“  
Cas took the pan out of the fridge, lighted one of the the gas flames of their huge oven and put the pan on it. When he came back from the fridge again, cold polenta wrapped in tin foil in hand, he found Dean bent over the pan shovelling half heated sauce into his mouth.  
„DEAN!“  
Dean turned, grinning into Cas´ exasperated face, licking sauce from his lips.  
„Sorry man.....I´m innocent! My belly made me do it!“  
Cas couldnt help laughing. He shook his head, took the spoon out of Dean´s hand and knocked him on his head with it.  
„Ouch! Stop it! I told you I´m starving!“  
Cas took another pan out of the drawer and put it on the oven.  
„Two kitchen laws, Dean“, he said sternly – although he had to try hard not to start laughing again.  
„Two simple laws. Even you will manage to follow them sweetheart!“  
„What do you mean even me.....I´m a law abiding model citizen. A gem of society!  
Never broke a relevant law in my whole life!“  
Cas snorted.  
„Yeah....depends on what `relevant´ means to you“, he said.  
„I can only tell you that THESE two laws ARE relevant.“  
Dean grinned again. „Yes, Your Honor!“  
He put his right hand on his heart, lifted his chin and turned his gaze to the ceiling, reciting with a voice quivering from emotion (and barely held back laughter),  
„First Kitchen Rule of Cas the Allmighty: We never eat out of the fridge.  
Second Kitchen Rule of Cas the Kitchen God: Cas decides when a meal is ready to be eaten.“  
„Oh - just leave my kitchen and set the table“, Cas chuckled.  
He put some oil in the pan, cut the polenta in small rectangles and started to fry them.  
Dean rummaged in the cupboard, humming one of his favorite Led Zeppelin songs.  
„I met a girl today“, he called from the living room.  
Cas turned off the gas and stirred the Osso Buco once more.  
„Should I be jealous?“, he asked while putting a huge amount of meat and sauce on one of the plates Dean had left on the counter.  
„Well...she was pretty“, Dean said from the doorway. „Beautiful even I guess.“  
He watched Cas fill the second plate – with far less food.  
Cas threw him a quizzical glance.  
Dean came over to take one of the plates, but stopped behind Cas´ back . He kissed his neck, working his way up to his right ear and taking in the scent of Cas´unruly black hair.  
„Not half as beautiful as a certain cook I know“, he purred, nibbling on Cas´ earlobe.  
„And sure as hell not as talented in the Heavenly Cooking Business ....so – no competion at all. You´re stuck with me old man!“  
Cas chuckled and pecked Dean´s cheek.  
„Stop the flirtation boy. You´ll get your meal without it, just from the goodness of my heart.“  
He reached the plate over to Dean, and both of them went to the long dinner table in the center of their living room. Dean had lit a candle again – Cas wondered if the bad conscience was still troubling him – and had even put on one of Cas´ Classic Jazz CDs.  
„Man I am so ready to eat this“, Dean sighed, taking in the delicious scent of tomatoes and spices and red wine.  
„Buon Appetito then“, Cas smiled.  
„Yeah...whatever“, Dean murmured and began to shovel food into his mouth.  
For the next ten minutes this was all he did – besides making satisfied happy noises now and then.  
Cas ate his meat and polenta slowly, watching his mate, listening to the soft music in the backround.  
Can it get better than this at all? , he wondered. He sincerely doubted it.


	6. dessert

Chapter 6

Dean leaned back in his chair, streching his legs and rolling his neck.  
„God this was good“, he murmured, tapping his belly.  
„I feel like a Thanksgiving Turkey tho...“  
He yawned widely and closed his eyes, scratching his scalp.  
Cas smiled.   
„Well...I can help you to a nice work out“, he said, trying to get some more drops of wine out of the empty bottle – without much success.  
Dean opened his eyes, grin spreading all over his face.  
„Now that´s the kind of dessert I´ve been waiting for“, he said.   
Cas grinned back innocently.  
„If you see clearing the table as dessert...be my guest!“, he said sweetly.  
„You know what...I might install a third rule....“  
„Oh come on“, Dean sighed.  
„No more rules please.....it´s hard enough to remember the ones we already have...“  
He made his best effort on puppy eyes, moist green gaze pleading for mercy.  
Cas melted in an instant....dammit, this one got him each time! He was absolutely helpless...and Dean was well aware of it.  
He got up and went over to the fridge.  
„I actually do have some dessert....“, he said. „Want some?“  
It was meant as a rhetorical question. Dean never said no to any dessert.  
Dean got up too, collecting the dirty plates and cutlery and taking them to the sink.  
„I´ll need that workout first..“, he said.  
„And I don´t mean clearing the table...“  
He smiled at Cas who leaned against the huge fridge, in this effortlessly elegant way of his.  
Cas waited, head cocked to one side, blue eyes wide and oh so innocent.  
„And what might you possibly mean?“, he asked.  
Dean pushed himself from the counter and stood right before Cas.  
He took Cas´ face in his hands – always so warm, and a little rough -, and let them glide down his throat. He nestled with the buttons of Cas´ shirt.  
„I´d say I´ll help you out of these clothes for a start“, he murmured.  
„You´ve worked enough for today...cooking and all...“  
He opened one button after the other, fingers brushing over Cas´ skin each time.  
Cas let his head fall back against the fridge and closed his eyes.  
„I sure could use a little help here...“, he murmured, voice deep and husky.  
Dean had worked himself down to Cas´ belt.  
He leaned down and started to kiss Cas´ throat, following the trail of his fingers down to the collar bone, brushing the nipples with his lips. He glided down Cas´ front, ever so slow in his motion, lips never leaving Cas´ pale, soft skin.  
When he finally was on his knees, he started to open Cas´ belt....a slow motion movement that made Cas moan with pleasure.  
Dean helped the slacks glide down Cas´ narrow hips. His lips were on his lover´s skin again, caressing the rim of his boxers.  
„Oh Dean....“, Cas moaned.  
Dean smiled, tugging softly at the boxers´ waistband, finally tearing them down with lips and hands...fingers caressing Cas´ butt doing so.  
Cas shivered. „Oh man....just don´t stop...don´t stop..“ he whispered.  
He felt his lover´s warm breath in his pubic hair and it sent shivers up his spine, even before Dean´s soft lips touched his already half hard cock.  
When they finally did, Cas had to press his palms against the fridge to control the shivering. Heat crept up his body, inflaming his belly, breast and throat, until he could feel it burn on his cheeks...  
Dean´s lips caressed the soft skin on the base of Cas´cock , tugging gently, kissing their way up to the head....a moan escaped Cas when Dean´s warm tongue licked the small slit, wandered around his cock´s head, found every soft spot, sending electric waves through Cas´ body.   
„Dean...!“, he cried, when his mate finally swallowed the now hard, big cock in one swift move...swallowed it whole and full....his expert tongue swirling around again, working the smooth head, lips closing around the shaft....  
Cas hips began moving on their own, thrusting against his lover´s mouth.  
Dean started to move too, sucking Cas´ hard cock in, pulling back, sucking in again; his lips massageing, pressing, teasing.....Cas´fingers found Dean´s head, grabbing for his still damp hair....for a moment he thought about the fact that his lover had driven home on his bike in the rain....the danger...the cold...  
Then he was lost, falling and rising at the same time, hips thrusting in rhythm with Dean´s movements, and it was good...so good...he panted, eyes still closed, hearing his lover´s short, loud puffs of breath when he pulled back, a moment...just another moment....a..  
A jerky thrust, Dean deep throating his big, throbbing, aching cock....  
Cas cried out. His whole body jerked and shivered while his come shot into his lover´s mouth, sweat trickling down his spine, hands crawled into Dean´s short hair...  
He sank back against the fridge, panting.  
„Oh God, Dean....“ he croaked.  
Dean licked his gorgeous lips, swollen and pink , face flushed ....and grinned up into his lover´s face.  
„You´re welcome...“, he smiled. „Everything for my Angel...“  
Cas bent down and pulled Dean up.  
He took Dean´s face in his hands, fondling his cheeks with his thumbs.  
„I love you“, he said quietly, voice rough and deep.  
Dean smiled, taking Cas´ hands in his own.  
„I love you too, Angel“, he said, kissing his lover´s knuckles one by one, green eyes dancing.  
„Now...what about this dessert of yours?“


	7. Danneel

Chapter 7

Danneel was jumpy.  
The whole evening had been a desaster so far....at least that was how she felt about it.  
When her annoying brother and his idiotic crew finally came out of the garage, all laughs and jokes and Oh-we-are-the-smartest-dudes-ever -bragging, she had managed to kill the cigarette (and hide the remains), slip into the car and look like the pissed off, deadly bored spoiled rich kid the others were expecting to find.  
Not that she had any difficulties in taking on this part. Being with her brother was often annoying enough; having to endure his gang most times made her long for some deadly weapon and the courage to use it.  
But she was a good girl. And she had been to the best schools – not very long in each of them, but long enough if you put all the short periods together. She had taken with her two very important things from her time at school: well, the graduation obviously – giving her the chance to get away from home without needing a proper excuse for her parents -, and the ability to hide behind a fake character. Or rather part fake. You always had to build a role or stage character on the foundation of your own experiences, your own heartfelt emotions, your own deepest secrets...that´s what they tell you in theater class at least.  
And Danneel had become a pretty good actress with time. Not on stage....what was the use of it when your parents never came to watch you anyway - but in real life. She had perfected certain roles to a degree that she herself began to wonder if she was actually still pretending or already being what she seemed to be to the others.

During the drive with the noisy band of brothers she had at least time to think. Images kept flickering behind her closed eylids....legs under the sceleton of a car, coming towards her, turning into the figure of a young man....dirty and greasy and adorably dishevelled. She saw him stand up again, the slow, but elegantly swift move, a panther getting up from his rest...  
An then this face. She had a soft spot for full lips in men...and the lips she had seen today? Full didnt even cover it. They were...lush....and perfectly carved...like on the old Greek statues she had seen on her trip to the UK, when her parents had dragged her to a zillion museums...  
He looked like a God. Or at least gods looked like that in her imagination.....or one of the half gods who crowded Greek mythology....Hercules or Perseus, blast into the 21st century.... dirty t-shirt tight over strong arms...and torn jeans, not like the ones her brother wore – artificially torn by some poor factory worker in Bangladesh for a few cents and sold in the US for 300 Dollars – but torn by use ...  
And while her face showed nothing but cool arrogance, her insides were on fire. 

When they finally arrived at the diner where they were going to grab a bite before going to her brother´s favorite club to celebrate his birthday (which was not due before a week later), she felt so uncomfortably hot she was actually embarrassed – and that, with her history of strange behaviour and ....er....taste, was a rare feeling.  
She made up for it by being extra snippy and pert, scaring her brother´s friends to muteness by glaring at them with murderous eyes whenever they opened their mouth to start some conversation with her.  
Her brother drove her mad by just looking at her from time to time with those sharp and piercing eyes....and grinning in a way that made her want to jump in his face.   
He knew about her....abnormal... taste.  
And while he never had used that knowledge against her other than teasing her with little comments, ironic allusions, sarcasm and jokes – all of it always in private – she was tired of his smartass behaviour.  
He couldn´t have seen her watching the mechanic, could he? 

She fiddled with her fork, not eating more than a few bites, while the boys around her divoured their burgers and frites like a pack of hungry wolves.  
Finally they had cleared their plates, leaving a mountain of paper napkins and wrapping paper on the table; they finished their beers (she had had one too, maybe it´d calm her down a bit); her brother made a big show of paying for the whole lot, tipping the – rather cute – waiter generously, and grinning like a madman all the time.  
Well, she had known what to expect....  
At least they would meet her partner Gen at the club, together with some of her friends from campus and two girls they knew from way back when she and her brother had attended a posh Catholic school five states away (her parents had always been very happy to stuff them away as far as possible).  
In a group this big, jokes would run easily, and with all the alcohol and dancing and playing around Danneel hoped to be able to conceal her state of mind....especially from Gen. Her partner was not the kind of girl to forgive her a spoiled party night easily....  
Danneel shuddered at the thought how Gen would react to the revelation of her partner´s true ... likings.  
They climbed into the car again – dammit, she hadn´t taken count of the number of beers her brother had already had – must have been at least three or four -, and after performing one of the racing starts he was famous for, they finally took off for the club.

A ridiculously long row of fancily dressed up young people was waiting to be let into the  
Holy Halls, huddled against the walls as it had begun to rain, chatting and laughing and checking their phones every 30 seconds.   
Danneel was surprised to find the door of the car opened by her brother. He gallantly helped her out of the low seat – no easy task as she wore a super short dress and devilishly sharp high heels – and took her arm, holding an umbrella above both of their heads.  
When she raised an eyebrow, he grinned and shrugged his shoulders.  
„What! Am I not allowed to show off my beautiful little sister? Come on, Dan! It´s my birthday and I´ve earned myself a treat!“  
She threw him one of her deadly looks – not that he ever cared -, but couldn´t help smiling when he began to walk her down the street with the air of a 1930s movie star.  
She pecked his cheek, like she had done to make him mad when they were little.  
„You´ll have the treat you deserve, jackass“, she chuckled.  
„Watch your mouth, young lady!“, he exclaimed with exaggerated indignation.  
„Our Holy Mother in Heaven sheds hot tears each time a girl chooses to use bad language!“  
He did such a perfect imitation of Sister Theresa Angela of their old Catholic school (including moist eyes turned heavenwarts), that Danneel couldn´t help laughing out loud.  
„Oh stop it, Matt! When I think of this old bat I´ll have to get drunk or stoned or both within the hour or I´ll start swearing like a loaded seaman!“  
„Good!“, her brother exclaimed, grinning broadly. „That´s exactly what I have in mind for you tonight! And don´t be shy....you can drink and smoke whatever you want and still swear the devil out of your dirty little soul!“

At the entrance Matt showed his VIP card – having rich and politically involved parents had its advantages – they got waved through and entered the huge entry hall. Deafening music awaited them, beats vibrating in Danneel´s insides like mad.  
She actually began to enjoy herself....she would dance, get drunk, dance more, and have more than enough people around her to be distracted...and keep a certain hot mechanic out of her mind for a few hours.

„Danneel!“  
She turned and found her partner directly behind her back.  
„Gen! You´re already here!“  
They hugged and kissed, Danneel bending down to meet her lover´s cheek, Gen being a minute and rather tiny person.  
„Dance?“, Gen asked, knowing her partner´s needs well.  
„Please!“, Danneel sighed into her ear.  
Gen took her arm, and they weaved through the incredibly full entrance room.  
The dance floor was one huge bobbing, pulsing mass of bodies.  
They melted into the crowd, Danneel raised her arms, staring into her partner´s mesmerizing dark animal eyes, and started to dance.


	8. dreams

Chapter 8

„Dean! Stop it! It´s disgusting!“  
Green eyes stared innocently over the rim of a white plate.  
„Hey, I´m only being ...er... environmental. This way the fat and stuff won´t pollute our water reserves..“  
„Environmental, my ass“, Cas scoffed, but he couldn´t help a grin spreading over his face.  
„Haven´t had enough to lick today, huh?“  
Dean put the perfectly clean plate down and grinned back.  
„Well, you know....they say you should stop while it´s most beautiful...“  
He yawned widely, stretching his arms and letting them fall down at his sides.  
Dean looked tired. Cas noticed the slightly blueish skin under his mate´s eyes, the little wrinkles on his front and at the corners of his mouth.  
Worry swept over Cas like a wave of cold, wet fog.   
He watched his lover who leaned back in his chair, eyes closed, humming some unrecognizable melody. He shouldn´t work that long hours. It was too early.   
„How many hours did you work today?“ he asked, counting in his head.  
„Wait....16?“  
Dean stopped humming, opened one eye and stared at Cas.  
„Yeah...I think so. Had a lunch break tho...“  
„Yeah“, Cas sighed. „I know...like 20 minutes if I know anything about it...“  
Dean only shook his head and chuckled.  
„Stop worrying about me, Cas. I´m perfectly fine! Relax!“  
Dean got up, took the empty plates, cutlery and the water jug and put them on the counter. Cas turned to watch him fill them into the dishwasher.  
„You know damn well I can´t.“, Cas answered, voice rough. „That´s just who I am. So get used to it boy.“  
Dean laughed and went over to the backside of Cas´ chair. He took his partner´s face in both of his hands and softly brushed over his front with the thumbs.  
„I just don´t want you to become all wrinkled and ugly because of me. Would be a shame to destroy such a beautiful work of art!“  
Cas chuckled and leaned into the touch.   
„Hmmmm....“, he moaned. „Want a post-dessert?“  
Dean pecked his earlobe.  
„You´re insaturable! And that´s usually my role, Babe!“  
He ruffled Cas´ black hair and released his head.  
„Sorry man, I think I´m just too tired today....have to be in at 6 again so...“  
He shrugged his broad shoulders.   
„I´ll make it up to you next time“, he said. „Promise!“  
Cas got up and put his hands on Dean´s shoulders, smiling into his startingly green eyes.  
„If you´re not in bed and fast asleep within 15 minutes I´ll knock you out and make you!“, he said.  
Dean laughed, bowed slightly in mock submission, and left for the bathroom.  
Cas cleared the rest of the dishes away and leaned against the counter, listening to the noises coming from there.   
Dean´s very special gargling was clearly audible. Cas smiled. He wiped the surfaces once more, gave the whole room a last controlling look, and turned off the lights.  
Dean had already slipped under his blankets when Cas came out of the bathroom 10 minutes later.  
When Cas joined him on the bed, Dean held out his arm. Cas snuggled himself at his partner´s side. He took in the scent he´d come to love so much....warm and spicy with a sweet hint, like dry grass and fresh soil...motor oil and grease, sticking to Dean like his second skin...and a whiff of cigarette smoke.  
Cas sighed. He wouldn´t...he couldn´t...  
Dean´s gentle snoring was the perfect background music when he drifted into sleep.

„You cannot work outside when it´s pouring! You´ll be soaked within minutes!“  
Dean laughed and shrugged his shoulders.  
„Why not? It´s only rain. Won´t melt will I?“  
Cas grabbed Dean´s jacket desperately.  
„You´ll get sick again...please, stay! We´ll call Bobby..he can´t want you to work outside in this weather!“  
But Dean only grinned his lopsided grin, gently removed Cas´ hand from his sleeve and patted his cheek.  
„Don´t be silly...I´ll be back for dinner!“... and he was gone...  
...Dean was lying on the skateboard, only his legs showing, rest hidden under a wrecked car...it was his own Chevvy....how was it wrecked like this? It should be almost fixed by now...Dean had worked on it so much after the car crash...  
It rained hard. Cas wanted to protect Dean from the ice cold downpour, but he hadn´t brought an umbrella...he searched the courtyard for anything to use for protection...but there was nothing but motor parts and wheels and junk....  
He turned to run back to Dean again....his legs were still there..but they were...thinner....the rain was washing them away....melting....Dean was melting...Cas wanted to shout, warn Dean, but there was no voice in him....he wanted to run, protect him, save him...but he couldn´t move, he was frozen, the air was suddenly thick and wobbling, and the more he tried to free himself from this solid, sticky mass, the more it closed in on him....he saw Dean roll out from under the car, grinning at him...and then he melted away....faded like the ghosts on TV...  
“DEAN!!!!“

„Cas!“  
Someone shook him. What....what was going on here....why.....Dean....  
Cas sat up with a jolt.  
„Dean!“  
He stared into his lover´s face, blue eyes wide.  
„Dean...you´re here....you´re OK?“  
„Cas...I think you had a nightmare. I´m fine. It´s OK....“  
He wrapped his arms around Cas.....God, he was shivering. Totally soaked too.  
Cas leaned against Dean´s warm shoulders, took in the familiar scent.  
A dream. It was only a dream. Only a dream..he kept repeating the phrase in his mind, until he felt his frantic heartbeat finally slow down.  
„Cas, you´re soaked. What the hell did you dream about? You screamed like mad!“  
Cas closed his eyes and buried his face on Dean´s breast.  
The picture was still vivid in his mind....Dean´s lopsided grin, fading, vanishing like smoke....  
He felt Dean´s warm hands on his back, padding him gently, rubbing his spine.  
The alarm went off, playing „Heat of the moment“....Dean´s choice of the month.  
„Oh God“, Cas murmured.  
Dean chuckled.   
„Better get into the shower, man. You look like hell. Can´t show up like this in the restaurant..“  
Cas moaned. He didn´t want to let go....he wanted to just sit like that....wrapped in Dean´s arms, smelling him, feeling him...knowing he was allright...forever.  
Dean padded his back one last time, then bent over to stop the alarm clock.  
„Well, you can probably be late as you´re the boss, but I can´t....loads of work to do!“  
He crawled out of bed, stretched, and vanished into the bathroom.  
Cas heard the water hail down on the tiles.  
Water...rain pouring down....He shook his head vigorously.  
It was a dream.  
„Get a grip“, he murmured.  
„Son of a bitch!“  
Dean´s voice echoed in the bathroom.  
Cas smiled. Dean´s daily morning ritual included one minute of cold showering – after enjoying five minutes of scaldingly hot water.  
He freed his legs from the totally messed up bedsheets - they were damp too, he´d put them in the laundry – and waddled to the bathroom.  
When he reached for the door handle, still a little dazed, the door opened. Dean stood right in front of him, naked, towel in his hands, hair wet and dripping, skin damp and reddened.  
He grinned at Cas, rubbing his hair.  
„Feeling better?“, he asked, head cocked to one side, drying his ear.  
Cas smiled, running his hand through Dean´s dishevveled hair.  
„Now I am, yes“, he answered, planting a kiss on his lover´s cheek and slipping into the bathroom.


	9. Bobby

Chapter 9

Bobby heard the well known engine outside the garage. He smiled. Dean was quite the model employee lately. Not that he had ever let him down before...but he had rarely shown up before ten....and as he used to stay until late in the evening whenever there was work to do, Bobby had never complained. As a matter of fact, there hadn´t been that much to do in the past few months – enough to keep the garage alive, and to pay Dean´s wages – but he had to lay off Chuck, his second mechanic, when Dean came back from the hospital. Bobby still felt guilty about it. He had liked Chuck a lot, even if his nervous, jittery character could be challenging...and his heavy smoking had been a constant nuisance. At least he had been able to get him a place at an old friend´s gas station and car repair....it was, of course, not the same as rebuilding rare old beauties from scratch, but it paid rent and food.  
„Hey, Bobby!“  
Dean´s voice, still rough from sleep, echoed through the garage.  
„Morning, boy“, Bobby growled. To be honest, he was not much of a morning person himself. Not without a certain amount of coffee in his system at least.  
„Coffee´s ready“, he said.   
Dean grinned, hanging his helmet on the hook on the wall behind the door and shrugging his shoulders out of the tight leather jacket. He drew a hand through his hair, making it stand up in all directions.  
„Good to hear“, he yawned. „Not exactly my best hour...“  
Bobby watched him waddle over to the battered table in the back and taking his mug – it had „IDJIT!“ written on it in big red letters – from the shelf.   
When Dean turned, scaldingly hot coffee in hand, he found Bobby squinting at him, scratching his short scruffy beard. He raised his eyebrows questioningly.  
„What!“  
Bobby sighed.  
„I know this is far from ideal....you working your ass off when you just...when you´re just back for a month now.“  
Dean took a sip of his coffee and rolled his eyes.  
„Did Cas call you?“  
Bobby looked genuinely surprised.  
„Cas? No...no, why should he?“  
Dean shrugged his shoulders.  
„Oh, it´s just...he´s developed this weird idea that I need protection 24/7...or a nanny for all I know. He would probably come by every hour to check if I´m wearing a scarf if he could.“  
Bobby shook his head.  
„He didn´t call, Dean. And don´t be hard on him, boy. The guy was devastated when you...“  
Bobby´s voice trailed away. He still had his difficulties talking about Dean´s accident. He understood Cas well...as he was feeling quite the same urge to watch over Dean whenever he could. The boy had grown on him during the past two years...or maybe he was just getting old and soft. A pathetic grandpa figure.  
Dean turned the cup in his hands, staring down at the swirling dark liquid in it.  
„I know“, he said quietly.  
„It´s just...I´m not used to...someone caring for me like that. Hell, sometimes he looks at me as if I´m Jesus back from the Dead.“  
He looked at Bobby, frowning.  
„I...I know he has nightmares. And I...I feel...it´s all my fault, Bobby. I should never have put him through this. I think...I think I´m no good for him. I –„  
„Stop it!“  
Dean winced at Bobby´s angry cry.  
He stared at him, eyes wide.  
„You stop this NOW, do you hear me? Enough. So you had an accident and landed in hospital. And maybe you feel guilty about that, tho I can´t see the sense in beating yourself up about it every freaking day of your life. But Cas? He cares for you cause he WANTS to, idjit! Cause he loves you. And that´s nobody´s fault. It´s just as it is. And don´t you dare go down the Im-not-worthy-of all-this road, do you hear me? Cause you are. Worthy, I mean. I don´t know what happened to you to give you such a low idea of yourself, boy. But it´s crap. Cas loves you, and he cares for you, and you are worth it. If you feel guilty, fine. You can make it up to him by taking better care of yourself.“  
Bobby glared at the young man. Dean was somehow stunned. He had never – never – heard Bobby talk this much in two entire years. Personal stuff, that is.  
„And you can start by throwing away these cigarettes of yours. The ones in your locker. No use staring at me like that, boyo! I may look old, but I´m certainly not stupid.“  
They glared at each other for a long minute.  
Then Dean put down his cup and nodded. He looked up, and Bobby was struck by the fact that he looked so young....a scared boy´s face in a man´s body. But the next moment Dean had his features under control again, lopsided grin in place.  
„OK.“  
Bobby scuffed. „OK what!“  
„I´ll throw the cigarettes away. And I´ll not ask how you come to know about them in the first place.“  
He went to the metal door leading to the locker room, opening it, but turning back to Bobby.  
„And....thanks, Bobby. I mean...“ His lips moved, but he seemed to be at a loss for words. „Just....thanks.“  
Bobby nodded almost imperceptible.  
„Idjit“, he growled.  
He could still hear Dean´s bellowing laugh from outside when the door had closed behind him.


	10. Gen

Chapter 10

Danneel groaned when the light hit her face.  
„Geeeeeeen.....“  
She grabbed for one of the cushions and buried hear head under it.  
She could still hear the rest of the curtains being drawn tho...and pressed her eyes shut in a reflex.  
God, it couldn´t possibly be noon already?  
Someone pulled away the sheet she used as a blanket. The bed creaked when Gen sat down on it, and soft hands began massaging Danneel´s right foot....ever so gently.  
„Hmmmmmmmm....“  
Danneel relaxed. Gen´s expert fingers....she knew exactly where to press, where to rub, where to stroke....and where to tickle.  
„Gen!“  
Danneel tried to pull her foot away, but it was locked in the astonishingly strong grip of her partner´s small hands.  
„Sto - stop it!“  
Gen giggled and released the foot, just to grab the left one and go for the innocent toes there.  
„Turn around and I´ll stop!“, Gen chuckled, ignoring the wiggling – and getting up when Danneel started to kick with her free leg – never letting go of the tortured foot tho.  
Danneel finally gave in and threw the pillow on the floor, turning her head to one side and eying her lover with one very red, very puffy eye.  
„I´m awake! Satisfied?“  
Her voice was croaking and hoarse. I sounded exactly the way she felt at the moment: totally and completely hung over.  
„Turn aro – ound!“, Gen sing-sang, fingers running up and down Danneel´s sole.  
It was ...maddening....and pleasant....  
„Let me see your pretty face, Love...“  
Danneel sighed. She knew for sure Gen would not let go until she had her turned around and ready to get up. Where did that woman take the energy! It was hard enough to be with a morning person on normal days. But after a night like last one... ugh!  
She turned around slowly, squinting in the bright light coming through the windows. The movement was enough to make her head spin.  
Had she been that drunk? She couldn´t really remember...  
Gen stroked her foot one last time and put it down on the bed gently.  
„That´s my girl“, she purred fondly.  
Sitting down on the bed again, she asked: „How are you feeling, hun?“  
Danneel groaned. „Like run over by the Coke Christmas Truck“, she murmured.  
„I think I´ll gonna be sick if I move as much as my fingers.“  
Gen giggled.  
„Well...after what you poured down yesterday I´m not really surprised, Danny! You had like....10 Purple Nurples! And that was for starters....“  
Danneel moaned.  
„Why didn´t you stop me, Gen! You´re supposed to be the sensible and responsible one!“  
Gen laughed, brushing Danneel´s slender legs with her fingers.  
„I did my best, girl...but you were out of your mind yesterday! And way too hot looking at to stop you...and then I had my share too.“ She chuckled.  
„Seems that I can take a few more than you. It´s not the height obviously...“  
She caressed Danneel´s bony knees.  
„I refused to taste Matt´s Birthday Special tho. I had a feeling THAT one would knock me out in no time....well, and wasn´t I right....“  
Danneel shot her a wary look, shaking her head and immediately regretting it.  
„Matt´s Birthday Special? I have...I have no idea what you´re talking about, Gen.“  
Gen sighed and looked at her dishevveled partner. Danneel´s cheeks still showed the imprint of the sheets. Despite her paleness, the puffy eyes and dark rings under them she looked gorgeous with her hair all tangled and wild.  
„He had the Hall make them for everyone...for free! And I´ve no idea what it was made of, but it was strong enough to make the whole room go crazy within minutes.“  
She furrowed her front.  
„I´m not sure, Danny...but I think he mixed some serious stuff in it too...people sure as hell looked pretty high after having some of it.“  
She got up and took Danneel´s hands in hers.  
„Come on now, party girl. You know we have to be at your parent´s at six, right? It´s already four....and we´ll need some time to make you..er...your usual self again.“  
Danneel let herself being pulled into a sitting position. Her head swam, and nausea washed over her.  
„Bathroom!“, she managed to croak. She felt Gen´s slender, but strong arms around her waist when they both staggered to the toilet. Danneel kneeled down in front of the toilet seat.  
„Er...do you want me to stay?“, Gen asked.  
Danneel felt the bile coming up. She swallowed.  
„It´s embarrassing enough without someone watching“, she huffed, bending over the white porcellain.  
Gen fled the scene. „I´ll make some tea then...“, Danneel heard her voice from the kitchen, right before the wretching began.  
And while she got rid of all the poison she had swallowed down the previous night – and she couldn´t even remember most of it to be true - she cursed her brother in so many silent words.

Gen put the kettle on, left Danneel´s favorite teapot on a tablet with two cups, and searched for the special tea mixture she had bought at a Chinese drug store. It smelled awful, tasted even worse – but was a real help when it came to hangovers. There it was, labelled „free head and mind“ in a tiny, girly handwriting. She chuckled. They would need exactly that when visiting Danneel´s parents.  
How on earth they had agreed to meet them on the day after Matt´s birthday party, she couldn´t remember; probably because Danneel´s parents had a schedule worthy of the President himself (well, and wasn´t that what Dick – Richard – was aiming for ...at least dreaming of!).  
The kids could be glad they found the time to see them at all for a Birthday Dinner...or should she say honored? Dick and Henry giving a private audience to their offspring...  
Gen sighed. Her two mothers were politically and socially engaged too – but only locally, being on several groups and committees in her hometown, organizing meetings and fund raising parties and neighborhood reunions. The Roman family was a whole other level of power. And wealth.  
She heard the shower and smiled. Poor Danneel. She had really had one too much...  
But Gen hadn´t seen her this happy and high and glowing in a while, and honestly she hadn´t been as sober as she had made Danny believe herself.  
She soaked the greenish tea leaves with boiling water and winced at the smell coming from the smoking teapot.  
Matt´s Birthday Special. He was some trouble maker, that boy. Always surrounded by this ridiculously devoted boygroup....only thing missing was them starting to sing in close harmony together.  
She smiled. He DID look good....startingly blue eyes, handsome face, ravenous hair....he sure had the looks and the air to make all the boys in a room fall for him. And he could be quite charming, too....when he felt like it. Gen had always suspected Matt had far more Dick Roman in him than Danneel would admit...for her, despite all her complaining and bickering, he would always be the big brother, looking out for her, protecting her, being family when they were sent away in one of their posh schools.  
She took a sieve and let the tea run through it into the nice blue and white teapot.  
She had mixed feelings about Danneel´s brother. She loved him cause Danneel loved him...but she was absolutely sure she´d make a wide circle around him and his fanclub had she not been enganged to his sister. There was something shady about him...something dangerous. She wasn´t going to let Danneel be dragged into it, whatever it was her brother was doing. She had her claws too...and she was absolutely willing to use them to protect what was hers.


	11. Kitchen Talk

Chapter 11

Cas loved the first hour in his restaurant. He always went in extra early just to have this one hour to himself....not that Raj and Irina and Jo weren´t a pleasant enough company, they were actually quite entertaining with all their good humored bickering and their endless discussions of cultural clash issues.  
But the restaurant was, as Dean put it, Cas´ Baby. And he needed his Baby Appreciation Time (Dean´s words again). From the day of his opening three years ago he had relished each and every day of being in charge of this wonderful place. His place. It was small, and narrow, and in a difficult neighborhood – at the beginning at least. When he started talking about buying the old grocery store, friends and family were surprisingly united in their attempts to talk him out of it.   
But Cas was stubborn. And he could be very convincing when his heart was in a project ...so he turned all their doubts and warnings down and had them help him make his biggest dream come true instead.  
The outcome of six months of work, work and more work was something he could be proud of. Together with friends, family and some hired tradesmen who tried to channel all the energy into the right direction, he managed to clear the place out, renovate it from scratch, and created a place that was modern and stylish while still radiating the air of the old 1950s store.   
The day of the opening was one of the happiest of his entire life. He had done it. He had opened his own restaurant. And if anyone of the many guests had still doubts about the place and the whole idea of running a real restaurant in a rather run down neighborhood, they had the mercy of not telling Cas. His mothers – well, one of them at least – had their reservations. But seeing Cas practically radiating joy and pride had made them keep their doubts to themselves.  
And he had proved them wrong. It wasnt easy at the beginning...but he started with only one employee, lived in a crappy one-room apartement and ate leftovers for almost half a year. The street began to change...young couples fell in love with the decrepit charme of the area, found cheap apartments, started renovating, moved their companies with them and turned the district into one of the up-and-coming parts of town. Within a year he had the restaurant full every night, a second and third employee and a reassuring reservation list.  
Cas opened the back door, went through to the kitchen area and switched on the lights.  
He went to the front door and opened it to let in the cool and fresh morning air.  
Then he started his daily routine, making lists and going through the storage room taking notes on what to restock, writing the menu – he was glad to have taken the arts class in college now – and enjoying being his own boss.  
„Good Morning Chef!“  
Rajid, always the first to show up.  
„Hi Raj!“  
Cas smiled back at the skinny, short man with the shiny black wave of hair. He had thought about dating Raj when they started to work together...but before he could make the first step (gathering the courage to ask him out took him months...), Dean had come into his life like an angel falling from the sky. And everything changed.  
„Did he like it?“  
Raj was never one to hold back.  
Cas wiggled his eyebrows and smiled.  
„Loved it!“  
Raj nodded sagely. „Told you so.... But you know he eats anything you put on his plate, dont you chef?“  
Cas chuckled when he heard his own words repeated by his assistant cook-waiter-cashier.  
„I know, I know, Raj. But it still reassures me to see my test eater happy and satisfied.“  
Raj laughed and shook his head.  
„You are screwed, chef. This boy will make you loose your mind some day. Or the restaurant...he´ll just eat everything we have until there´s nothing left!“  
Cas blushed. He liked to chat with Raj. He was a good and loyal friend and a committed employee. He could trust his judgement, be it on questions of work or personal stuff.   
Raj patted Cas´shoulders when he slipped by him to start preparing the dough for tomorrow´s bread.   
They hadn´t talked that much about personal things when Cas started to date Dean. But as soon as Dean began to be a regular guest at their tables – and had charmed his way into the hearts of Cas´employees in no time – he was regarded part of the restaurant´s family and open for discussion. If Cas felt uncomfortable about having his relationship commented on by his coworkers at first, he didn´t show; and he actually got quite used to asking them for advice or complaining about the little hick hacks that came with sharing an apartment with a strong headed, independent young rebel.  
He joined Raj at the kitchen counter and put on the huge pot they used for the bouillon.  
When he had fetched shallots, carrots, celeriac and the beef and bones from the cold store, he ignited the gas flames and waited for the bones to roast and spill their fat marrow.  
He felt Raj´s eyes on his face and looked up.  
„Everything OK, chef?“  
The one annoying thing about Raj was that he knew Cas far too well. He sensed every change in his bosses´ mood with this special emotional radar of his. And he couldn´t be fooled by charades.  
Cas stirred the bones.  
„Just a nightmare again“, he said. „Kind of sticks to your mind...“  
Raj kneaded the dough with expert hands, rolling it, folding it in half, rolling it again.  
„Dean is allright tho, isn´t he?“, he asked with his calm voice. „He´s totally recovered, right?“  
„Yeah....“ Cas murmured.  
„So?“  
Raj was not easily fooled. „Why do you worry about him so much then? He´s OK, Cas. He survived a pretty bad accident and who knows what kind of complications. And he´s back to normal again...medically speaking.“  
Cas put the vegetables into the pot and watched them take color.  
„That´s what the doctors told me“, he answered.  
„Then stop being such a hen. You´ll drive him crazy, you know that.“  
Cas sighed deeply.  
„I know.“  
„And you can´t stop Dean doing whatever he sets his mind on, you should have learned that much about him in the past two years, my friend.“  
„I know!“  
Cas shook his head.  
„I´m trying, OK? But when he....when he leaves...it´s like I´m loosing him again. Every freaking day of the week, for God´s sake! He shuts the door and all I can think of is finding him in a hospital bed two days later in a coma!“  
He filled the pot with water, hands fulfilling their duty on autopilot.  
„I know damn well I´m too...involved...but I just don´t know how to not be the way I am.“   
He could hear the defiance in his own voice. You are pathetic, Cas. That´s what you are: pathetically, epically in love with a guy who´ll break your heart by not caring for his own life.  
„You love him“, Raj stated, voice soft and gentle. „If you weren´t worried about your loved ones....it wouldn´t be love at all.“  
He watched Cas stirring the mixture in the bouillon pot with a little too much vigor.  
„But clinging is not good, Cas....especially with Dean. You´ll drive him away on he long run. He is not your – your normal apple pie life guy.“  
Cas looked up at Raj. They both grinned. Apple pie life – one of Dean´s own expressions.  
„I´m trying, Raj...I´m doing my best, really. I just don´t want to screw things up, and the more I try to let go, the more anxious I get..“  
Raj laughed his dry, bellowing laugh.  
„Then stop trying so hard for God´s sake. And step back! Let him live his life again, or he´ll be sorry for having survived. He loves you too, Cas...in his own way.“  
Cas looked at the perfectly formed loafs of bread Raj had aligned on the wooden board, covered in a thick layer of flour.  
Yeah....Dean had his own way of doing things....living life....and loving Cas.


	12. Old Habits

Chapter 12

When Bobby came back to the garage in the afternoon, he found Dean exactly where he had left him 6 hours earlier - under the Pontiac in the courtyard.  
Dean couldn´t hear him approach, what with the deafeningly loud Rock music playing on the old battered radio standing on what was left from the car´s right front seat. Dean had obviously begun to strip the car from even more parts. Bobby just hoped the car´s rather annoying owner wouldn´t show up any time soon.  
He went over to the abandoned, torn seat and stopped the radio. The sudden silence rang in Bobby´s ears.  
„What the -„  
Dean rolled out from under the car.  
„Hey, whatever you want, it – oh, Bobby. It´s you. Sorry, I thought it was Mr. Douchebag again.“  
He grinned and sat up, ruffling his hair and stretching his arms.  
Bobby sat down on the car seat. It felt cosy and familiar. Even the smell was like a childhood trip. He watched Dean coming to his feet – not with the usual spring and elegance, Bobby noticed – and rubbing his back, bending and twisting it in all directions. When Dean grimaced, Bobby shook his head and sighed.  
„You know what, boy? I can´t blame Cas for wanting to hold your freakin hand all day. I leave you alone for a few hours and you forget to eat, to drink, to make your little pauses now and then and look after yourself in general. Can´t do that, Dean!“  
Dean shook his legs and massaged his neck, not really impressed by Bobby´s speech.  
„You done?“, he asked, voice rough.  
„I could actually have some food now. Is it noon already?“  
Bobby rolled his eyes.  
„See? That´s what I mean. It´s way PAST noon, Dean...2.30 to be exact. I appreciate your new work ethics, boy, I really do...but I´m not keen on having Cas up my ass for not looking after you when you´re on my watch. Not at all.“  
Dean looked at the older man fondly.  
„No need to upset him, Bobby. Just don´t tell him. Are we having lunch now or what?“  
Bobby shook his head.   
„Sorry kid, have a client in half an hour down at the mall. But you go and take your damn lunch break now...and I don´t want you under this car for the next hour, clear? Take a freakin walk or something.“  
He scrambled to his feet and tapped the old car´s rusty frame.  
„How´s she doing so far? Any luck with the combustion?“  
Dean´s face lit up, and Bobby had to rub his beard vigorously to hide his broad smile. The one thing that seemed to make this kid happy was talking about old cars. Well, he had a soft spot for them too, so he didn´t really have to fake any interest. And Dean was an artist when it came to finding ways to repair even seemingly hopeless cases. Bobby admired the young man´s stubborn commitment, his skilled hands, the out of the box thinking. They left the garage together, discussing the progress on the Pontiac, expected issues, and possible solutions.  
Bobby left the garage in his gorgeous light blue 1958 Chevrolet Cameo – one of Dean´s first patients in Bobby´s garage.   
Dean waited until the truck was gone around the corner. He loved the sound of the powerful engine, deep and hoarse like an old farmer´s voice. Not the sexy sound of his own Baby, but still an engine to remember.  
He tapped his pockets and without thinking pulled out the packet of cigarettes he had intended to throw away. His mind was still on the Pontiac, and his hands automatically found the lighter and shook out a fag. When he walked down the street to get his favorite tacos at Jose´s stand, he was already half through the cigarette, deeply inhaling the smoke. His thoughts wandered to the car´s handsome owner...the guy had great looks, Dean had to admit that – and his weird boygroup.  
One of the boys had looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn´t put the finger on it. He couldn´t get rid of the idea it had somehow to do with his accident; but as everything that happened that night was one great black hole, lighted up by some blurred pictures and sounds, he couldn´t really tell for sure.  
He was through his second cigarette when he arrived at Jose´s five minutes later, and only then realized he had smoked at all.  
„Dammit“, he muttered under his breath.  
Cas would be furious smelling the smoke on him. Well, not exactly furious...rather anxious. And hurt. And trying desperately not to show.   
Dean sighed. He took the package out of his jacket, sniffed the sweet tobacco one last time, and threw it into Jose´s huge trash container. He´d regret it later, but hey – he had promised to get rid of them. And there was always the newspaper stand across the street where you could get a new package almost 24/7.

He ordered his favorite – Jose´s Special Sunday Treat, available every day of the week, and one of the delicious warm mini pies Jose´s wife Maria made with skilled hands.  
Jose grinned broadly, handing Dean his nicely wrapped taco.  
„There you are, my friend! And here, take another pie, Dean...my wife told me to ask for your opinion on her new cherry and chocolate ones. On the house of course!“   
Jose was a talkative, overweight Mexican who knew almost all his clients by name within a week. Dean liked him a lot, his easy, friendly way of chatting with everyone. And his tacos were legendary. Dean had even brought Cas to try one, and the „chef“ had been quite pleased with Jose´s creations.

Dean crossed the quiet street and took a seat on „his“ bench. The taco was gone in less than three minutes, and the little baby pies didn´t live much longer. Dean licked his fingers – no Cas here to tell him off – and got up.   
Go for a walk? Yeah, he definitely would. But not for the fresh air and the trees in the park. He needed some more specific refreshments. And the park was exactly the place where he could get them.


	13. Family

Chapter 13

„Come on, Danny. If we´re not on the street within five minutes, we´ll be late.“  
Danneel sat in front of the huge bedroom mirror, looking for the right earrings to wear with the cream coloured twin set. Well, at least that´s what had been her intention...now she was just sitting there, staring at her own reflection without really seeing anything.  
„Dan....“  
When she felt her partner´s light hand on her shoulder, Danneel stirred. God, she was tired...and dazed. She hadn´t felt that groggy since her prom ball and the desastrous encounter with vodka, mixed with various soft drinks. The result then was an early morning date with the head of the cheerleader group, both of them already too drunk to even notice they were making out right in the middle of the parking lot. Dick, her father, had coerced the school into confiscating all the phones, tablets and other electronic devices, making his own highly skilled security team erase all pics of his naked daughter wrestling with a pretty blonde on the dirty tarmac.  
Danneel grimaced at herself. She sought for Gen´s eyes in the mirror, throwing her a desperate look.  
„Help! Please!“, she cried. „I´m in no state to decide today....“  
Gen sighed, rummaged in Danneel´s drawer for a minute, took out a little black velvet box and opened it. She nestled the earrings into Danneel´s earlobes – beautiful smaragdes, encircled by tiny diamonds. A gift from Danneel´s fathers to her 20th birthday.   
She looked at Danneel, squinting her eyes.  
„Perfect. Now let´s go!“  
She pulled Danneel out of the chair, led her to the entrance, put the black satin coat into her arms, grabbed the bottle of Whiskey from the floor and shooed Danneel out of their apartment. Within five minutes they were in Gen´s car and out of the underground parking.  
Gen threw a sideways glance at Danneel. She had put her gorgeous dark red hair into a 60s style knot high on her head, revealing the long, slender neck. It looked ladylike and fragile at the same time.  
Gen brushed Danneel´s cheek with her fingers.  
„You are beautiful“, she said quietly.  
Danneel looked at her, smiling faintly.  
„Thanks to your hard efforts...“ She took Gen´s hand in hers, kissing her partner´s fingertips one by one.   
„Thanks for doing this, Gen.“  
Gen threw her another quick look.  
„What – for throwing you out of bed and turning the ugly duck into a beautiful swan? You´re welcome, babe...“   
Danneel shook her head, smiling at her lover.  
„No....I mean, yes, for this, too.....but that´s not what I meant.“  
She tugged at an invisible speck on her coat.  
„I meant....for everything, Gen. Looking out for me. And bringing me home....after all the parties....making me get up every morning...“ Her voice trailed away.  
Gen shot her a worried look.  
„Danneel?“, she asked cautiously. „Are you all right?“  
Danneel sighed. No, she was not all right. She didnt even know what feeling all right meant.... for almost all of her life she had...hurt. And longed for something she couldn´t have. Sometimes it felt like the itch of a scar you couldn´t stop scratching; and sometimes it would be a searing, gut wringing pain deep inside her body, a fresh and bleeding wound.   
Today was a bad day. And she did absolutely not feel like facing her eloquent, arrogant, self-righteous parents and her unpredictable brother. The thought of him watching her across the huge dinner table, seeing, knowing.....it was too much.  
„Do we have to go?“, she sighed, weaving her fingers into Gen´s.   
Gen chuckled, squeezing her partner´s hand in return.  
„This is a rhetorical question, right? You have dinner with your family like...two times a year. You´ll survive, Danny...“  
She smiled at her encouragingly. „Just let them talk and be beautiful. That´s what your alpha men prefer anyway.“  
Danneel smiled. Gen was right. Usually her fathers started discussing something with her brother and ended up arguing....just for the fun of it. At least that was the typical family dinner before Danneel had brought Gen into the equation. Gen was not the kind of woman to sit at the table and listen to others. She loved a good fight – and the discussions got more heated than ever before. And since Gen saw to it that Danneel got included into the talk, family dinners had become more challenging for Danneel. She had to participate and contribute. She still wasn´t sure if she liked it that way.  
So she was a little bit surprised by Gen´s words.  
„Seriously?“, she asked.   
Gen laughed out all of a sudden.  
„Girl, you have the worst hangover I have ever seen you in! It will be hard enough for you to eat your father´s usual five course dinner with good grace.“  
Danneel groaned loudly.   
„Oh noooo...I haven´t thought of the food yet....I don´t think I can swallow down anything tonight!“  
Gen padded her leg. „Oh yes you can. Just try to keep it inside until after dessert, love!“

Danneel found herself bent over a toilet again. She had managed to give the impression of eating while she actually moved the food around on her plate most of the time. But when Henry had asked specificly for her opinion on his new mousse au chocolat (with cointreau and marinated orange slices), she had had to try it for real; and with her father watching her eagerly, she couldn´t leave it at a spoonful, but finished more than half of it. It was delicious...or would have been, had her stomach not rebelled against it instantly.  
But she´d made it, given her opinion rather enthusiastically and left the table in no apparent rush.  
Looking at her face in the well lit mirror, she decided to wash her face. She looked pale and sweaty, even with all the make up Gen had advised her to use (and for good reason apparently). The cold water felt good....  
When she looked up again, towel in hands, the green jewels of her earrings caught the light. It was like a spanner being put to her stomach. Those eyes...so startingly green.  
The tight T-shirt...  
She groaned and went for the toilet again.

Gen discreetely looked at her watch. Danneel had been gone for over ten minutes now...she´d better have a look. The three Roman men were discussing the new car – well, new old car – Matt had found lately, and she wasn´t really interested in cars anyway, oldtimer or not...so she excused herself, saying, „I´ll leave you to your drooling, boys. Time for a beauty check anyway!“  
„Danneel?“ Gen slowly opened the bathroom door. „You still in there?“  
Danneel sat on the floor, arms wrapped around her slender legs, head resting against the tiled wall.  
„Oh, poor baby....“ Gen squatted down at her side, stroking her cheek gently.   
„That bad, huh?“  
Danneel opened her eyes warily. „It´s OK, Gen....I don´t think there´s anything left inside me anyway...“  
She smiled at her partner´s worried face. „I just...just couldn´t bring myself to go out there again...“  
Gen smiled back. „You better not, girl. Not with this totally ruined make up. Come on, let´s get you back in shape before your men out there run out of motor talk.“  
She helped Danneel up and pulled out a stool from under the washbasin, planting her girlfriend on it and taking a rather voluminous leather bag out of her huge purse.  
Danneel chuckled.  
„Then we´ve got time until Last Judgement Day“, she said, staring at her rather smeared face in the mirror.  
„God, I really need your help here!“  
Gen fondly patted her cheek. „Oh yes you do...“  
Before applying the foundation on Danneel´s face though, she bent down and kissed her.  
Danneel took in her partner´s scent... the oriental perfume she wore when they went out...a whiff of shampoo and lotion...she pulled Gen down and kissed her back, gently first, then passionately. Gen raised her eyebrows, eyes sparkling. She wove her fingers into Danneels already half ruined hair, bringing down the loose knot. Danneel felt herself turned on the stool and pulled up, Gen´s hands in her hair, on her back, her butt. She wrapped her arms around her lover´s waist, pulling her close, feeling Gen´s firm little breasts against hers, pressing her hip bones against Gen´s. Gen´s tongue wandered over Danneel´s teeth, feeling her cheeks, swirled around Danneel´s tongue...She pulled away for a second, looking into Gen´s wide eyes, an started kissing her face... Gen´s incredibly soft skin under her lips...the lashes, batting under her touch like the tiniest little birds...  
Gen grabbed Danneel´s hair, moaning. She started kissing Danneel´s throat, letting her soft lips wander down to the collar bone....her hands pulling Danneel´s face down, closer, until they were entwined, pressed together, feeling the other´s heat. Danneel raised her head, giving Gen access to her neck, her ears, and instantly feeling her lover´s teeth on her skin, tucking, teasing...biting...and while Danneel was enjoying the touch of her partner, her mind was replacing the minute girl by a broad shouldered, green eyed mechanic in dirty jeans, and it was strong, grease stained mens´ hands she was feeling on her body...  
„Gen...“  
It felt good....Gen´s hands wandered down Danneel´s hips, under her short skirt, grabbed her butt, her fingers tracing the rim of her lacey pants...  
Danneel panted. This was...going...to be....so...awkward...  
„Gen!“  
The hands froze, half way under Danneel´s panties. Gen let go of her neck....Oh God, she would show a hickey for sure!   
„What? Don´t say you don´t like it babe....“  
Gen´s cheeks were flushed, her eyes gleamed...she looked gorgeous.  
Dannnell blushed vividly.   
„I love it, Gen, I do...but let´s just....save it for later, OK? I really don´t want to face Matt´s sneering remarks on top of everything today....“ She winced inwardly at her own white lie..but was it really a lie...she didn´t know any more. Everything was so...complicated...  
Gen released her immediately.  
„Oh God, you´re right, Baby. Sorry....I guess I just got carried away...“   
Gen straightened her dress and looked into the mirror.  
„Oh dear....we´ll both need a make over now. Hand me the bag, would you?“  
And while they were both trying to hide all signs of the previous minutes´ activities from their flushed faces, Danneel´s stomach began to clench again. This was so wrong. So totally, absolutely wrong.

If their rather long absence had been noticed, none of the men showed it; as they were bent over Henry´s laptop staring at some photos of a battered old car in a den when the two women came back into the living room, Danneel began to hope she could maybe – just maybe – have her brother fooled for once.  
Well, she was wrong. Of course she was...Matt looked up at them, squinted at their faces for a second, and his eyes glinted. He raised his eybrows, biting his lower lip in a maddening way. She threw him her darkest possible look and rolled her eyes. He grinned, winked once, and pulled his attention back to the screen.  
„There you are, girls...come and have some of this squisite cognac. Henry brought it directly from France last week...I swear you can taste the French in it!“  
Dick handed them huge glass bowls.   
The rest of the evening passed rather peacefully; Danneel talked to Henry about his trip to France, Matt obviously restrained himself from commenting on their behaviour, and Dick got himself entangled in a vivid discussion with Gen about the Governor´s re-election campaign – the Governor sharing Dick´s political party, but being notoriously unfaithful (he was officially „happily“ married of course). Their verbal battle got pretty heated, and all of them got pulled in somehow – Danneel reluctantly so.  
When Gen started to condemn hypocrisy in political representatives, Danneel began to feel more and more uncomfortable; when the discussion turned to virtues and issues of personal relationships in general, her insides cringed. And all the while she felt her brother´s all too vigilant eyes on herself.


	14. Thirsty Thursday

Chapter 14

The restaurant was crammed.  
Raj had already sent a large group of hopeful young people away who´d been foolish enough to show up without reservation; and three couples were standing at the tables outside, sipping their drinks and enjoying Cas´ Waiting Special (he knew how to keep people in good spirits!).  
Cas slipped into the tiny bathroom at the backside and splashed cold water on his face. It was hot, even with all the high windows and the backdoor opened to create a current. Who´d have thought this autumn would turn out a beautiful one...after a rainy and rather dull summer. Well maybe he was being unjust....it had been a gloomy summer for him, but not only because of the weather. Hospitals were definitely not the place of choice to spend your vacation in.  
He took a fresh shirt out of his locker and stared at his reflection in the mirror before putting it on. He was pale...even paler than usual. He used to be pretty tanned in college, what with all the hiking he had done on the weekends, and the time spent at his parents´ small holiday house on the beach, lying on the the sand and studying, or taking long walks along the water line.  
With the opening of the restaurant his free weekends had almost entirely vanished; and when Dean came into his already crammed life, his leisure time activities changed somewhat drastically. Cas smiled. He´d never thought it could be possible to spend a whole day in bed....without being sick – just for fun. Plus he knew now that „staying in bed“ did not necessarily mean lazying, sleeping or reading. It could always be a nice workout too - and far more enjoyable then any hiking tour he had ever made.  
They had planned on going to the beach for a week this summer...but then from one minute to the other, everything had changed. And he didn´t see any sun, sea or sand at all, but endless yellow painted corridors, pictures of flowers of all shades and kinds on the walls, listening to frighteningly looking beeping instruments instead of seagulls.  
He rolled up the crispy white sleeves, combed his hair back with his fingers, and pushed the door to the storage room open.

Three hours later he complimented the last guests out the front door. Only his staff was left, already preparing the table for their Thirsty Thursday Celebration – a habit they had gradually taken on, starting with a midweek staff meeting and becoming a rather enjoyable long evening with chatting, joking, and reducing any leftovers before the exhausting weekend. Tonight there were two more guys at their table tho: Sam and Gabriel, Cas´ and Dean´s neighbors, and regular guests in the restaurant – they too were considered family, and had the privilege to share the more private events whenever they felt like it.  
Cas went over to the wine cooler, took out two bottles and joined his crew. Even if all of them had a long and tiring day on their shoulders (and in their feet), they were laughing and talking and having fun. Cas watched them fondly while pouring wine....Raj, talking earnestly to Sam, who had his head cocked to one side in a very characteristic way; Gabriel who joked around with Jo and Irina and made them giggle girlishly. They had grown on him so much ... he couldn´t believe he hadn´t even known one of them when he moved to this district five years ago.  
„Cas! Sit down, man, stop being the chef for once. You´re making your staff nervous, and it´s their free time as of –„ Gabriel looked at his watch – „3-2-1- now!“  
They all cheered, looking at the old pendulum clock on the wall that obediently began to strike midnight.  
Cas laughed, took his seat and raised his glass.  
„ To Thirsty Thursday!“  
„Thirsty Thursday!“ 

He left the restaurant together with Sam and Gabe, having waved Raj and the girls good bye at he back door and closed every window and door thoroughly.  
As they all lived in the same building, directly above the restaurant, they only had to go to the staircase at the back through the backyard and enter the building again there. They were talking about the new stage drama Sam had dragged Gabriel to – Gabriel gave a pretty funny short version of the whole first act „in the three minutes it would have taken to explain everything to everyone“ – and laughing loudly, when they turned the corner and reached the first floor.   
Cas froze when he saw the slumped figure at the door to his apartment. He heard Sam behind him stop midsentence.  
„Hey, what –„ Gabriel chuckled, running into Sam who had abruptly stopped too.  
Cas didnt know how he had gotten to the door. His mind was blank. Please, he thought. Please, please, don´t let him be hurt....he didn´t know who he was addressing, a God, a Spirit, or Father Christmas...it didn´t matter. If only....  
He sank down on his knees and touched Dean´s shoulder.  
„Dean“, he whispered. „Dean, come on...“  
When Dean stirred and opened his eyes, Cas almost cried out from relief.   
„Dean, what – what are you – why are you sitting on the floor!“  
He heard the desperation in his own voice.  
„Los´ma keys.....“ Dean´s speech was slurred. He leant his head back at the wall and grinned up in Cas´ face. „couln´ finem......no way i wassoing down again. Thought id jus wait here....“  
Cas arms fell down at his sides.  
„You´re drunk...“   
He had not felt this tired in a long time.  
„Had a few, yeah....“ Dean chuckled. „Thirsy Thurssay, right? Wanned ta celebrate too...“  
Cas felt Sam´s hand on his shoulder.  
„Come on, Cas, let´s get him inside.“ Sam´s voice was gentle. „No need for both of you to catch a cold on the floor here...“  
He let himself be pulled up by Sam´s huge hands. He felt dizzy...unable to move. Somebody touched his shoulder again.  
„Cas? The keys?“  
Cas stared into Gabriel´s face. The keys. Yes. He nestled them out of his jacket and handed them over. Gabriel opened the door to the apartment, and Cas watched the two men heave Dean to his feet. They more or less dragged him inside; Sam looked back at Cas, asking: „Bedroom or Living Room?“  
„Bedroom...“, Cas managed to say. He followed their trail. They let Dean glide down on the bed. He looked at them, brows furrowed.  
„Whatja doing in our bedroom, boys...dont think Im fit fora forsome tnight...“  
He chuckled again, and Cas felt like grabbing his throat and throttling him.

„Do you want us to stay?“, Sam asked.   
Cas shook his head.  
„Thanks, guys...but no thanks. He´ll be OK...when he´s slept it out.“  
Gabriel watched him closely.  
„It´s not Dean we´re worried about, Cas. This boy obviously has a whole legion of guardian angels watching over him. Question is, are you OK?“  
Sam nodded. „You look...er... a bit shaken. Want to have a drink or something together?“  
Cas smiled, but shook his head again.  
„Thanks guys...you´re really sweet...but I guess I´ll just go to bed.“  
He found himself wrapped in Sam´s long, firm arms.  
„He´ll be OK“, Sam murmured into his ear. „Don´t worry.“  
When Sam released him, Cas felt tears in his eyes.  
„I know“, he croaked.  
Gabriel turned at the open door.  
„You know he loves you, right?“  
Cas sighed. Why did everyone feel compelled to remind him of it?  
„I know.“


	15. Matt

Chapter 15

Matt waved back at the impressive entrance where Henry stood.  
„Night!“  
The door closed, and Matt turned back to his sister and Gen.  
„Ladies....let me bring you to your car.“  
Gen rolled her eyes, but let herself be shoved forward by Matt, who stood between the two women, arms on their backs.  
„Always the gentleman, huh?“ Gen´s voice oozed sarcasm.  
Danneel threw her a surprised look. She knew Gen had her difficulties with Matt... usually they got along fine though.   
But Matt only laughed, walking them to their car and waiting for Gen to find her keys.  
„One can always try to be his best self...“ , he said in a humble voice, eyes cast down.  
„Yeah...right“, Gen huffed.  
„Don´t try too hard, Matt, you could hurt yourself...the effort must be huge.“  
Danneel leant against her brother.  
„Oh, stop it, you two. Can we go home now, Gen? I´m like really tired.“  
Gen had finally found the car keys in the depth of her purse and pressed the button. The lights blinked. Gen turned to Matt once more.  
„Good night, Matt. Drive safe. Danneel?“  
She opened the door at the driver´s side and climbed in.  
Matt watched her for a moment, eyes glinting. He looked like he was going to say something, but stayed quiet.  
He looked down at Danneel instead, hugging her with his right arm, and leading her to the passenger side. When he bent down to kiss her good bye, he whispered something in her ear.  
„You´re playing a dangerous game, sis. Be careful...your kitten here has sharp claws. I´d be on my guard if I were you...“.  
He smiled in his most charming – and slightly creepy - way, opened the door for her and helped her sit down. He bent down to look at them both.  
„Drive safe, mesdames...and enjoy the rest of the evening...I sure will!“

He watched them back out of the large driveway, waving and smiling sweetly. Gen shot him a last dark look before turning the car and driving down the quiet street.  
Matt chuckled. He liked the girl...she had some fight in her and was fearless. She was a little bit too smart for her own good tho.  
He walked down the street to his own car, a beautiful white Mustang Shelby, perfectly restored, with blue racing stripes. He caressed the hood gently, touched the perfectly shaped rearview mirror.   
He drove down the street, checking the time on his phone. Not even ten thirty....plenty of time to have fun. He´d played the good son for the whole evening, now it was definitely time to release the bad boy. And it was always worth making some extra money...  
He texted his best friend Chad, telling him to be at the garage within 20 minutes. He was curious about the Pontiac...he just wanted to be sure about the promised progress. Plus he´d make the old nutter pay if there wasn´t any. He had seemed pretty sure about his mechanic´s qualities...but then the guy had a pretty face and even hotter ass, so who could tell if the horny dork hadn´t just a hard on for his employee.

Traffic was light, and he arrived at the garage only 15 minutes later. He got out of his car, fetched the picklock from the trunk, and opened the front door within minutes. The things you could learn in posh boarding schools...  
He found his way through the rather messy room using the mini flashlight on his keyring. The door to the courtyard wasn´t even locked. Looked just like the old dumbass to be all trustful and naive.  
The Pontiac stood on its trestles as on the day before. Unlike before tho, the motor had been built in again and covered with a plastic tarpaulin. The seats had been taken out and were nowhere to see; they would probably be at the car upholstery workshop.  
Well, well....not too bad at all. Obviously the mechanic knew what he was doing...there was more to him than a pretty face.  
He heard a car outside the wall. That would be Chad.  
He left the courtyard and had crossed the garage before Chad had even reached the entrance.  
„Hey, amigo!“  
Chad jumped. „Don´t do that!“, he growled grumpily.  
Matt laughed.   
„But I get you each time....just too much fun to see you jerk, mate.“  
He punched Chad´s bony shoulder.   
„Just had a look at the Pontiac....looks unexpectedly good. Maybe we should consider making this shithole of a garage our permanent partner.“  
Matt looked up and down the street. It was deserted, as there were no bars or diners , only small companies, storage rooms, and abandoned stores.  
„There´s a rather nice bar round the corner“, Chad said in his dry way. „Have been there already. Awesome bartender, and the beer´s OK. It´s only a five minutes walk“  
Matt grinned. „Well, then let´s go there. I am thirsty. This fancy wine at my parent´s always makes my throat dry out.“  
They walked down the block and found themselves right in front of the bar when they had turned around the corner.  
Inside, it was rather crowded, music was playing – old school Rock, Matt could live with that - and some people were even dancing in the back.  
They went to the bar, and Matt called for beer. When he got his perfectly drawn beer and turned around to watch the dancers, his eyes fell on a guy sitting at the far end of the bar, back against the wall, half closed eyes on the moving bodies.  
Well, if it wasn´t Mr. Mechanic himself! Chad had gone to the pool table, watching the players and sipping his beer. Matt took his glass and walked over to the guy, planting himself directly in front of him.  
„Must be my lucky day. Mr. Super Mario is in the house. Wanna catch some coins?“  
The mechanic looked up, surprised.  
Matt noted that his pupils were a little wide...and dark. Uh-uh...someone had a bad bad habit here.  
„Mr. Dou- er, Roman?“ The mechanic put down his glass and seemed to consider the situation for a moment, before stretching out his hand.  
„What are you doing in this neighborhood?“  
Matt chuckled, grabbing the hand and shaking it.  
„Matt, please. Mr. Roman is my old man. And you are....?“  
„Dean. Dean Winchester.“ He stood.  
„Delighted to meet you, Dean...again.“


	16. Blue Moon

Chapter 16

When they shook hands, Matt noticed the other man swayed slightly. He was obviously not the modest type when it came to drugs, legal or other.  
„So? What are you doing here?“  
He may be loaded, but he´s nobody´s fool, Matt thought.  
He smiled amiably, shrugging his shoulders.  
„Just driving by....had to take up my mate over there“ – he gestured towards Chad who had begun to play.  
„So, Dean..what may I get you? Another beer?“  
Dean shook his head. „Nahhh..thanks, but I ought to get home. Long day.“  
Matt watched him through half closed eyes. He was good looking. No wonder his sister got all warm and fuzzy over him. Perfect face. Startling eyes. And a mouth a plastic surgeon would be proud of.  
„Oh, come on, Dean...we have just met. Let me buy you something....“  
He leant forward, staring directly into Dean´s eyes.  
„Or...can I get you anything...more stimulating?“  
Dean stared back. They both didn´t move for a minute ore more.  
Then Dean licked his lips – God, they were made for kissing – and murmured,  
„Meaning?“  
Matt smiled. He had him on the hook.  
He took a little sachet out of his breast pocket and shook out a tiny blue pill.  
„Pure energy, love. Better than anything you´ve ever tried.“  
Dean looked at the pill in Matt´s fingers like a drowning person searching for the coast guard.  
„How much?“, he asked, licking his lush lips again.  
„Are you kidding me? For my favorite mechanic....free. Just promise me you´ll have my car ready at the end of next week....“  
„Deal.“  
When Dean grasped for the pill, however, Matt raised his hand out of his reach.  
„Ah-ahhh....one condition, gorgeous. You´ll have to come and get it...“  
And he opened his mouth, putting the pill on his tongue. He smiled, turned and went for the back door where a sign read „toilets“.  
He didn´t have to look back to know the other man was following him. In the end, they all did, without exception.  
Once inside the bathroom, he turned, waiting for Dean to come in. He took him by surprise, slamming him against the wall, fixing his arms with his own.  
He bent forward and kissed the soft, wet mouth, searching the tongue with his, passing the pill over. He pulled back, watching his victim swallow with closed eyes...panting slightly...it took the drug only a minute to show on his face. His eyes snapped open, pupils so wide the irises weren´t visible any more. Dean took a few deep gasping breaths, pressing his torso against Matt´s.  
„Good, hmmmm?“ Matt purred in Dean´s ear. „And I can make you feel even better, babe....“  
He released Dean´s arms and let his hands wander down his sides. When he reached he belt, he ripped the shirt out of the waistband rather violently. His hands caressed Dean´s flat, firm belly, crawled up to his breast, found his nipples. He tweezed hard.  
Dean gasped. He seemed to finally come to life, grabbing Matt´s hair and pulling his face close. His kiss was wild and hard, tongue filling Matt´s mouth, swirling around and tasting the unknown. Matt enjoyed the passion for a moment, then he took over control again. With one swift move, he ripped the other man´s shirt open, pulled away from his lips, and began to kiss his throat, the adam´s apple, the collar bone; worked his way down to the nipples again, and licked them one after the other. He smiled when he heard Dean´s deep, rough groan.  
He straightened up again. Dean´s hands were on his back now, searching for his butt, pressing him against his groin.  
Matt nestled with Dean´s belt. When he had managed to open the buttons of the well worn jeans, his hand slipped under Dean´s boxer briefs. He felt Dean´s cock, already half hard, and took it in his hand, just so, without moving. Dean shuddered. He had his hands on the back of Matt´s head again, pulling him near, lips searching his mouth. They kissed, violently, like crazy, starving people. God, the guy knew what he was doing. Matt pulled back before he could totally loose it, concentrating on Dean´s groin again  
When he began massaging the cock in his hand, gently stroking it from the bottom to the head, Dean leant back his head, eyes closed, lips trembling. Matt licked his exposed throat, down to the small cavity between the collar bones. He tasted the salty sweat, and a hint of motor oil, and it turned him on in a way he hadn´t expected.  
His teeth found the soft flesh at the other man´s shoulder, and he bit it, hard. Dean jerked back and cried out, but Matt didn´t let go until he tasted blood; his hand on Dean´s cock was moving faster now, gripping harder, his thumb circling the head´s smooth rim. He fingered for his own belt with his free hand, opened the buckle, the button and the fly of his slacks. His cock was already hard, aching, leaking...he reached for his back pocket, fishing out a small tube,  
„You ready, gorgeous? You ready for my dick? Your pretty little ass ready for me?“ he panted into Dean´s ear, fingers never stopping to massage, caress, stroke the other man´s cock.  
„Yes“, Dean panted, „yes...ready...I´m ready!“  
Matt grabbed him then, janking him around, bending him over the wash basin. He pressed lube out of the little tube, directly on Dean´s ass, and smeared it over the rim of his hole. Dean shivered, and jerked when two fingers entered his channel without warning. Matt pulled his fingers out, pressed his cock against Dean´s hole, and thrusted in.  
Dean buckled, gasping. He grabbed for the washbasin, seeking hold, while Matt worked his hard cock inside him, deeper, still deeper, until Dean was sure he would split him, tear him apart, rip something...Matt pulled back, almost entirely, and thrusted in again.  
Dean´s knuckles were white, his head bent down in the basin, front almost touching the water tap. Matt began to move faster, pulling out, thrusting in, faster, deeper, adjusting the angle, panting, faster, harder, all the time holding Dean´s cock with one hand, deeper, deeper... Dean cried out when his prostate got hit, once, twice, each time now, Matt was moving frantically, he was bent over Dean, breathing into his ear, they were close now, Matt rocking, Dean pounding against him, meeting his thrusts, both of them grunting now, sweating, wheezing like suffocating men.  
Then Dean´s back bent, he shivered, and cried. „Fuck!“  
He came, spilling shots of come over Matt´s hand, the wash basin, his belly, the floor. Matt bit Dean´s shoulder again when he felt his own orgasm arrive, bit deep into the skin, he heard Dean moaning, but as from far, a strange ringing filled his ears, and then he came too, jerking like mad, still thrusting, until he had filled Dean´s channel with his come, panting, moaning, biting, the metallic taste of blood on his lips.  
They stayed like this for minutes, Matt bent over Dean, burying his face at his neck, taking in the scent of his skin, feeling the short hair tickle his lips.  
They both panted, sweaty skin on soaked shirt.  
Oh.My.Fucking.God, Matt thought when he could muster a coherent thought again.  
I haven´t had a fuck this good in ages.  
He straightened up, seeing his own reflection in the mirror. His hair was a mess – freshly fucked hair, he thought, grinning – the shirt soaked, clinging to his body. His cheeks were flushed, lips red and swollen. He chuckled. He looked like the model picture of „epically fucked“ in the Big Boom Boom Bible.  
Dean remained still bent over the basin. Matt let his eyes wander up and down the other man´s back, his butt, he strong, muscular arms. Dean´s skin was pale and freckled, but tanned at the lower arms and around his neck. Only now Matt noticed the scars on his right side, running from his shoulder blade right down to the last rib bow under his arm. There were some more scars on his right arm, nasty burns obviously, and a long jagged line went down from his right shoulder to the elbow. Looked like the hell of an accident to him.  
Matt stepped over to the second washbasin, cleaning his sticky hand first, then washing his face. When he reached for the paper towels, Dean finally stirred. He tried to righten himself up, hands grasping the basin´s rim tightly. But he seemed to have diffculties finding his balance, swaying back and forth, and finally leaning his head against the mirror.  
Matt eyed him for a moment. The guy had only had one pill. He couldn´t possibly be knocked out by it like this.  
„Hey, man, you all right?“. He asked, shaking Dean´s shoulder slightly.  
„Awesome fuck by the way.“  
Dean didn´t respond. Matt wasn´t sure he had heard him at all.  
„Dean“, he repeated. „Dean..look at me. Come on, turn your head. Look. At. Me.“  
When he got no reaction, he placed himself behind Dean again, grabbed his head with both hands, and turned it as far back as he could. This got him a faint moan. He spread one of Dean´s eyelids with two fingers.  
Shit. The pupils were as wide as they could get. They should have been back to normal size by now.  
„Holy fucking ...crap!“, he mouthed, holding the swaying Dean upright, and fingering for his phone with his free hand.  
„Chad?“  
„Yeah, man, where are you? Having fun with the pretty mechanic?“  
„I need you here. Now. The mens´ bathroom.“  
He leant Dean against the wall, keeping him upright with his own body, pulled up his jeans and closed the buttons on his fly, swearing under his breath.  
The door opened a few inches.  
„Matt?“  
„I´m here. Come in, and close the door.“  
Chad came in, taking in the situation.  
„Help me put him down. He´s rather heavy.“  
They let Dean slide down along the wall, propping him up in the corner. Chad knelt down and slapped his cheeks a few times. Dean moaned faintly and opened his eyes, but only a millimeter.  
„What did he have?“, Chad asked with the cool interest of a scientist scrutinizing his lab rats.  
„Blue Moon“, Matt growled. „Should have given him a kick, for God´s sake, not send him into oblivion.“  
„Hm“, was all Chad had to say.  
He felt for Dean´s pulse and seemed satisfied.  
„Well, you never know what they swallow from dusk till dawn“, he stated, standing up again. „Might be some clash of cultures here. Better get him home before....“  
He stopped.  
„But you did have fun first, didn´t you?“, he asked, genuine curiosity in his voice.  
„Oh yeah.“ Matt grinned.  
„This guy is one tight little bitch, I can tell you. Body of a Greek God, too.“  
Chad chuckled.  
„My, my...love at first sight, huh? Ah, no, second sight. But first sex.“  
He started to sing..“...the first sex is the deepest...“, until Matt grabbed his throat and threatened to choke him.  
The took Dean in between them and managed to bring him outside through the back door without meeting anyone. Chad went to fetch his car, while Matt was holding Dean upright as good as he could.

They stuffed Dean inside the back of Chad´s old Ford.  
„And now? Do we know where he lives?“  
Matt shook his head.  
„Not a clue“.  
„We´ll need a shot then“, Chad said and fetched a small bag from the trunk. He took out a plastic tube, opened it and took out a syringe.  
„Half of it should do it“, Matt said quietly.  
Chad took Dean´s arm, pulled back the jacket sleeve and the shirt and gave him the shot.  
Dean´s eyes snapped open. He stirred, taking in deep breaths.  
„Good morning, princess“, Chad said cheerfully.  
„Had nice dreams I hope?“  
Dean stared at them, obviously without any clue where he was or what had happened.  
Matt bent down.  
„Can you tell us where you live?“  
„Your address? Where do you live, boy?“  
After repeating the question three or four times, Dean finally seemed to understand.  
„Jeffr...Jefferson High.....Heaven´s Gate.“  
Matt looked at Chad. „What did he say? Heaven´s Gate?“  
Chad shrugged his shoulders.  
„Could be a freaking apartment building.“  
He typed the name of the street in, and, after a moment of consideration, „Heaven´s Gate“, too.  
„Ah!“, he said after a minute. „Heaven´s Gate is a restaurant actually. Situated Jefferson High Street number 223.“  
„He lives in a restaurant?“ Matt stared at Dean, who had sunk back on the backseat bench again, eyes closed.  
„Well, let´s get him there. I don´t want to end up with an unconscious junkie on my hands.“

They sat in the car for several minutes, watching the busy restaurant.  
„Nice place“, Chad stated.  
Matt grunted.  
„Check the backside. Usually there´s some kind of entrance there.“  
Chad was back within minutes.  
„Bingo“, he said,  
„And there´s a sign too. It reads „Cas Nowak/Dean Winchester, 1/02“  
„Hail to overly correct citizens“, Matt murmured.

They drove t the back lane, left the car as near to the entrance as possible, and heaved Dean out of the back door. He was conscious, but swaying like a drunk. They dragged him up the stairs to the first floor.  
„What was the number?“, matt panted.  
„02“, Chad croaked. „er...Right side.“  
They sat Dean down at the door, leaning him back so he wouldn´t topple over.  
Matt crouched down in front of him.  
„Hey, Dean“, he said, firm voice. „You were at the bar, remember? And you had a few drinks. You´re drunk.“  
Dean stared at him, wide eyed.  
„You´re drunk“, Matt repeated, patted Dean´s knee, and stood again.  
„Let´s go“, he said.  
„Bye, Dean!“, Chad said airily.  
„Bye.....“ Dean said, hand making a slow, complicated move in the air, like following an insect´s flight in slow motion.


	17. Neighbors

Chapter 17

„ I need a drink“, Sam cried from the kitchen area. „Want one too?“  
Gabriel put his keys and wallet in the bowl on the drawer in their bedroom.  
„Yeah... why not! Is there still some of the Blue Label left?“  
He heard Sam chuckle.  
„You finished that one last Sunday, remember? And I´m not buying you another bottle without special occasion.“ He leant against the doorframe, watching his mate take off his shirt and slip on a faded T-shirt instead. It read „Hot Hungarian Pepper“ on the front. Gabe obviously had some Great-Grandparents in Budapest.  
Gabriel sighed.  
„Oh, yes... thanks for reminding me. Well, I´ll take anything as long as it contains alcohol then.“  
Sam rolled his eyes, but left for the large living room-kitchen-dining room that was their apartment´s center. Gabe liked to call it a loft, but it was just three former small rooms made into a huge one by taking out the walls.  
He put on a pair of cosy sweatpants and waddled over to the low couch where Sam already had stretched out his long legs, drink in hand.  
Gabriel took the other side, shoving Sam´s feet out of the way. He let himself sink into the soft cushions, leaning back his head and reaching for the glass Sam held out for him.  
„Cheers...“  
He lifted the glass, making a face.  
„ To Thirsty Thursday...“  
He took a swig, but Sam only played with the glass in his hands.  
„You think he´ll be OK? I feel bad having him left to deal with ... the situation...all alone.“  
Gabe stroke Sam´s right foot with one hand.  
He looked into Sam´s worried face.  
„I think he needs to be alone, Sam. You can´t help someone against their will anyway. And they´ll work it out...somehow...“  
It sounded lame even to his own ears, but what could he do? Cas and Dean had been living this ...challenging...relationship for years now. They had been part of it as neighbors first, then as friends...and as much as he felt sorry for Cas, he was sure that he´d had to find his own way in coping with Dean´s...personality. He only wished his kind, good hearted neighbor would finally learn to kick a certain very pretty ass.  
Sam didn´t seem satisfied though.  
He swirled the golden liquid in his glass and stared down at it, brows furrowed.  
„I had the impression...after the accident...that Dean had become more stable. Cas seemed so happy lately...“  
Gabriel sighed. He put down his empty glass and took Sam´s feet into his lap, starting to massage them gently.   
„You can´t save them all, Sam....let them figure it out on their own. If Cas needs us, he´ll tell us. He knows we are always here for him, right?“  
Sam sighed again, laying his head back into the cushions and putting the still half full glass on his broad breast.  
„Right....I just don´t like to fell helpless. And those two...they make me want to shake them and slap them on occasion.“  
Gabriel chuffed.  
„Shake and slap....I´d rather say punch and kick them into their senses...and not only on occasion, man.“


	18. Comfort

Chapter 18

Cas stared at Dean´s back. He had pulled the Cowboy boots off his feet, but couldn´t bring himself to take the clothes off too...he felt too drained. He had put Dean in a stable side position – he´d attended several first aid courses in college, and hadn´t that been a good investment of his time, what with a partner like Dean on his side – and managed to get ready for bed without breaking down. Strangely enough, it had been Sam´s gentle embrace that nearly had made the strong armor he had built around himself crack.  
Dean´s breathing was slow, but deep...not the shallow, labored panting he had listened to for so many nights, never really sleeping, always fearing for the worst.  
He considered calling his Mum. She´d be awake anyway, reading or correcting some student´s essay. It was strange how in situations like...this...he always needed her cool, rational reasoning more than his other Mum´s warm, empathic understanding...it helped him stay on his feet, mustering his strength...keeping up the armor.  
He knew of course his mums would talk about him anyway..and that they played their roles for him, knowing what his needs were...  
No. They would get through this on their own. He would get through it. He would make this work...after all, he had been living with Dean for almost three years now...and he knew there were ups and downs, right? Well, hello to the downs.  
Cas turned on his back and stared at the ceiling, listening to his partner´s breath. 

He must have fallen asleep at some point. A strange noise pulled him out of a blurred, dark dream...Cas stared into the dark, disorientated. There it was again...a low, whimpering sound.  
Then he remembered...and switched on the light on his nightstand. Dean wasn´t in his bed. Cas threw back his entangles sheets and stumbled to the bathroom door.  
He almost tripped over the leather jacket on the floor.  
Dean cowered in the shower cabin, huddled together, head on his knees. He had taken off his shirt. He was shaking.  
„Dean....“ Cas´ voice was barely audible.  
He squeezed into the shower too and sat down at Dean´s side, putting his arm around his shoulders. Dean leant against him, not raising his head. Cas heard the whimpering sound again.  
„It´s OK.....it´s fine, babe. Everything´s OK.....“  
Cas stroked his lover´s arm gently, murmuring soothing words all the time, his chin on Dean´s head.  
„Shhhhh.....“  
After a while the shivering stopped. Dean finally raised his head, putting it on Cas´shoulder, eyes closed.  
„Cas......“ His voice was only a whisper.  
„Shhhh.....I´m here......everything´s OK.....“ He gently stroked Dean´s hair, like his Mums did when he was sick or had a nightmare.  
„Want me to sing?“, he whispered.  
He felt Dean´s slight nod more than he saw it.  
Cas started to hum.


	19. Girls

Chapter 19

Danneel put her necklace on the drawer and fumbled with her earrings.  
She looked up in the mirror at Gen who stood in the open bathroom door, towel wrapped around her damp body.  
„Wow...that was fast!“  
Gen smiled and came over to her, slapping Danneels hand away and tending to the earrings herself.  
„What can I say...I had the right motivation...“  
She put the earrings down and started to kiss Danneel´s long neck.  
„Hmmm...I like it when your hair´s up like this....although....“  
She kissed Danneel´s ear, then took out the hair needles that held together the flip on the back of Danneel´s head.  
Danneel shook her hair down.   
She leant against Gen for a moment, eyes closed, feeling her partner´s lips on her shoulder.  
„Hey..... let me have my shower first too...“  
She could feel Gen´s lips tighten when she smiled.  
„Hmmm... no sense in doing it now...you´ll take a shower afterwards anyway.....“  
She nestled with the hook closures on Danneel´s bra and wiped the lacey straps off her shoulders with a gentle gesture.  
Danneel shivered when Gen´s hands wandered to her bare breasts, brushing over her nipples, caressing the soft curves. Her hands came to rest at Danneel´s flat stomach, pressing her body against Gen´s.  
Danneel let herself go....she sank against her lover, eyes closed, and sighed deeply.  
„Gen......“  
„Come to bed, baby.....“ Gen murmured into her ear. „...let´s finish this....“  
Gen´s hands felt so good on her body....so soft and gentle...and her scent was still there after the shower, warm and dark....Danneel turned around, seeking Gen´s lips, kissing them, tasting toothpaste and lipgloss...  
When they fell on the bed together, bodies entwined, each others lips on their mouths, she shoved the images of other hands and lips back in her head...deep, deep down, where not even she herself would find them for a while.

In the end they both took what Gen referred to as an After Sweaty Sex Shower together.   
Gen hummed some unrecognizable melody while Danneel was gently rubbing her back with a sponge. As beautiful as her voice was when she spoke, she was not much of a singer.  
„Gen...“, Danneel giggled. „Stop it, please!“  
Gen opened her eyes.   
„What! You don´t like the classics? It´s the Beatles, girl! Show your respect!“  
Danneel chuckled.  
„I would if I could actually recognize them...“  
Gen drew a face and grabbed for the sponge, throwing it at Danneel´s face in the mirror.  
Danneel couldn´t stop laughing. Gen was a little touchy when it came to her musical skills.  
Her lover pouted at her in the mirror.  
„Only because you and this brother of yours are quite the musical wonder childs it doesnt mean normal people can´t enjoy singing too“, she grumbled grumpily.  
„I´m sure you´re enjoying yourself, Gen...it´s only that those who have to listen to you aren´t!“  
When Gen grabbed for the wet sponge again, she fled from the bathroom, squealing.


	20. Calls

Chapter 20

Cas called Raj in the morning, telling him he would come in late.  
Raj only sighed and said, „Sure, Cas....Dean, huh?“  
„Yeah....“  
„It´s OK....I´ll open and start with everything....we´ve got a Birthday Special tonight, right?“  
Cas swore under his breath.  
„Dammit, I forgot...yes, that´s tonight. Listen, I´ll be down as soon as I can....“  
„Don´t sweat it, man. I can do the fond while the bread is resting...and the girls already made the cake yesterday so...no stress at all, OK? Take your time.“  
Cas thanked his friend and closed his phone.  
He went back to the bedroom door, watching Dean in his sleep. He always looked so young when he was sleeping....young and vulnerable. Cas went to the bed, crouching down and stroking his lover´s cheek gently. The hair on Dean´s arm shone in the beam of sunlight coming through the window. Cas pulled the sheets over Dean´s shoulder, trying not to look at the bluish bite marks.  
He got up, pulled the curtains shut tightly, and collected the various clothes from the floor. He hung Dean´s old leather jacket on the hook on the bathroom door, lined the boots up in the cupboard and went for the jeans, shirt and socks on the floor, trying not to think anything. He couldn´t stop himself from sniffing the shirt before throwing it into he laundry basket though. He hated himself for it.  
There was the motor oil and the rusty smell of old cars, mixed with the scent of Dean´s favorite cologne and his musky sweat. Cigarette smoke, too. And a new scent, some eau de toilette Cas didn´t know, fresh and dry and pleasant.

When he had cleaned up the bathroom, it was time to call Bobby.  
„Hey, Bobby...“  
„Cas!“  
Two seconds of silence.  
„Dean?“, Bobby asked quietly.  
„Yes...he won´t come in before afternoon I think.“  
He heard Bobby´s heavy sigh.  
„What happened?“  
Cas didn´t answer immediately, but Bobby was a patient listener.  
„I...I don´t really know yet. Found him at the door when I came home yesterday....“  
Bobby swore under his breath.  
„He was drunk, Bobby, but I think there was more...I think he took something again. His pupils...and he said he couldn´t find his keys, but they were right in his pocket. He couldn´t even tell me where he had been...“  
„This boy....“, Bobby muttered. „Dammit!“  
„Listen, Bobby...I know you´re kind of on a tight schedule with this new client...“  
Bobby scoffed. „Hey, my clients are the least of your problems now, Cas. Listen....“  
He seemed to be at a loss of words for a moment.  
„I´m...I know it was far from ideal, Dean working late hours...but he seemed so keen on it, and I got the impression he really enjoyed working again...“  
Cas sighed.  
„I know...“  
„What I really want to say, Cas....I´m sorry. I shouldn´t have let him. I guess I...I let myself be carried away by some false hope.“  
„Yeah.....“ Cas didn´t know what to say. Bobby knew Dean longer than him after all.  
Bobby wasn´t finished yet.  
„Well, he´s an adult, right? That´s what I´ve been telling myself. Has to make his own decisions...and if he wanted to work, I wasn´t gonna stop him....balls!“  
Cas jerked at Bobby´s cry.  
„Don´t blame yourself, Bobby...you were right, you know...he was so happy about this new car...couldn´t stop talking about it! In fact, I think his work at the garage is the best thing that ever happened to him...“  
He heard Bobby scoff and almost could see him scratch his short scruffy beard.  
„See, that´s where you´re wrong, Cas. Cause the best thing ever happened to this wretched boy is you. Only question is how we´re gonna make this idgit finally understand that...“

After having talked to Bobby for a few more minutes, Cas hung up and looked in on Dean again. He was fast asleep, slightly snoring.  
Cas decided to go down to the restaurant and check in on his mate later.  
Rajid looked up from the pots when Cas entered the kitchen area from the storage room.  
„Morning, Raj...“  
„Chef“, nodded Raj. „You OK? You look like hell.“  
„I´m fine...and thanks for telling me. That´s exactly what I needed right now.“  
Raj scoffed, very much like Bobby before.  
„Well, I could tell you you look great, but it wouldn´t make you feel better, wouldn´t it? Besides, my Mums always told me to tell the truth no matter what.“  
Cas smiled.  
„And you´re such an obediant child, right? Always the good son...“  
„Exactly“, answered Raj gracefully.  
„Ah, speaking of my Mums...i´ve got the recipe for you.“  
„Ah, the Sheera? Great! Can´t wait to make it for....“ His voice trailed away.  
Raj shot him a glance under his brows, stirring the liquid in the pots.  
„As far as I can tell, it should be him making sweets for you, Cas...although they would probably be inedible.“  
Cas shook his head. „Raj....“  
„Cas, if you want to talk, fine by me. If you don´t, fine too. But I´m getting the impression I´ve heard the same story one time too often here.“  
He put the lid on the pot with a bang.  
Cas glared at him defiantly.  
„There are reasons why he acts like this! His childhood –„  
„You know what? Screw his childhood! You know how many people actually had a happy childhood? You, me, Sam maybe. But we´re the exception, Cas! Normal childhoods are boring in the best of times, and just miserable the rest of the days. Ask Jo, for God´s sake. Ask Irina! She had to take care of her totally crazy grandmother all the time! Not to speak of her younger siblings! And does she run around trying to destroy what she has? No! So don´t you come and `childhood´ Dean!“  
Cas stared at Raj, who glared at him, arms crossed. His outbursts were rare, but violent. He hadn´t seen him in rage for a while now. If we were in a comic, steam would come out of his nose, Cas thought.  
„Right....“ he said. „Well, as a matter of fact, I don´t want to talk about it.“  
He turned away, not wanting to let Raj see his face. Raj was a good friend, and used to giving him his true opinions. The problem was that sometimes Cas didn´t want to hear them.  
„Cas....“  
Raj sounded rueful. Cas rummaged in one of the drawers, looking for the chalk. He had to write the day´s menu...  
„Cas!“  
Cas sighed, turning to face Raj as he knew his friend wouldn´t give up until he´d made his point.  
„Yes, Raj“, he said quietly.  
„I´m sorry. Didn´t want to make you angry as you´ve already enough on your plate.“  
He played with the spoon in his hands.  
„But there are people who care about you, Cas. And we won´t just stand there and watch you destroy yourself for someone else. He´s hurt you enough, man. Don´t let him take you down with him. That´s not how love should work...“  
Cas shrugged his shoulders. Strangely enough, Raj words did make him angry. He pressed the piece of chalk in his fingers so hard it snapped.  
„Well, that´s not yours to decide, right? ´Cause that´s exactly how love works for me, Raj.“


	21. Power Play

Chapter 21

„Come in!“  
Dick Roman looked up from his laptop when the door opened.  
„Ah, Chad. Good of you to come.“  
As if there was an alternative, Chad thought. When Dick Roman called someone, they would leave whatever they were doing, and be on their way.  
He smiled in his cool, professional way – which looked rather weird with the outfit and hair style he currently used.  
Dick Roman stood and led the way to the leather chairs. He shook Chad´s hand and gestured him to sit down.  
„Drink? Coffee?“  
„No, thanks, Mr. Roman.“  
„Dick, please. Well, I think I´ll have a coffee.“  
He took out his phone and pressed a button.  
„Sarah? Would you be so nice and bring me a coffee...thanks, love.“  
Ever the gentleman...sweet tongue, steely will. Chad had to confess to himself he admired Dick Roman for it. He probably got more deals and supporters through his refined and aristocratic appearance and talking than his secretly operating, highly efficient network...well, no, not really. In a better world maybe...  
Sarah, the strikingly beautiful assistant – all legs and long black hair - came in with Dick´s coffee. Chad watched her walk out...he could appreciate beauty and elegance, be it male or female. And Sarah had not only a sexy, panther-like way of moving, she seemed to be a friendly and nice person, too – qualities rarely found in the kind of circles Dick Roman belonged to.  
Dick Roman sipped his black espresso.  
„So. Chad....what´s the news on my son.“  
Chad took a folder out of the briefcase he had brought with him.  
It contained photos, hotel and gas station bills, flight tickets, time tables...last month´s life of one Mr. Matt Roman in a nutshell. Chad had them all organized to show the timeline of Matt´s whereabouts chronologically.  
Dick Roman took his time looking at the grainy black and white pics, the bills, everything Chad had put together. He was known to be a thorough worker...always prepared to the nine. It was how he usually beat his opponents.   
„Well, well...“, he finally said.  
„Good work, Mr. Lindberg. I think you covered it all...perfectly.“  
Chad nodded.  
„I´ve got the chemical analysis too, Mr. Roman. It confirms our....concerns.“  
He reached into his briefcase again, pulling out a manila envelope.  
He held it out to Mr. Roman, but he raised his hands.  
„Spare me the details, Chad. So...the stuff my son is selling is actually life threatening?“  
Chad nodded. „I´m afraid so. It´s contaminated. Plus it doesn´t react with other...substances... in a healthy way. It´s even dangerous when combined with larger amounts of alcohol.“  
Dick Roman put his fingertips together and touched them with his lips. After a moment he seemed to have made a decision.  
„Well, that´s it then. Initiate the proceedings we talked about. You´ve got the papers?“  
„Yes, sir. Everything´s prepared.“  
„Good.“  
Dick Roman raised in a swift, elegant move, worthy of a much younger man.   
That´s maybe what all the power he´s accumulating is all about, Chad thought. It´s fuelling him with energy...  
„Well, I´ll not be seeing you then for a while...thank you, Chad. And keep me posted. You know the drill..“  
„Yes, sir.“  
„Nothing of this will ever leave this office.“  
„I understand that, sir.“  
They shook hands, and Chad turned and left the spacious office.   
Dick Roman went over to the huge glass front overlooking the city.  
The view really was spectacular.


	22. Atonement

Cas and Raj spent the next hour working, trying not to cross each others paths, which was quite a challenge given the very confined space of the kitchen area.  
When Jo and Irina arrived, they took in the frosty silence, rolled their eyes and busied themselves with their daily tasks. As Raj and Cas usually were best mates, and rather chatty, the gloomy mood was somehow unnerving.  
When after an hour Cas disappeared to check in on Dean, Jo went to the storage room where Raj was preparing the mixed spices he needed for the marinaded meat spades the Birthday Party had ordered for dinner.  
She planted herself in front of him, hands on her hips.  
„So?“  
Raj threw her a dark glance.  
„So what!“  
„What´s going on between you and Cas, dumbass!“  
Raj´s mouth was a thin line. He didn´t seem inclined to answer.  
Jo waited for a minute, then she had enough.  
„It´s about Dean, right? ´Cause it´s always about Dean. Everyone knows that. So you can as well tell me how you managed to get Cas all worked up and moody!“  
Raj looked at her then, crossing his arms defiantly.  
„Maybe you should ask Dean, Jo! As it´s his fault all along!“  
Jo scoffed and laughed drily.  
„Get a grip, Raj. You´ll never make Cas love you by diminishing Dean. Cas worships the guy. There is obviously nothing Dean can do to make Cas stop loving him.“  
Her voice grew softer.  
„Just accept it, Raj....Cas loves Dean. And he´ll never give up on him. That´s just who he is.“  
She patted his arm.   
„So...what happened? If I have to work here with both of you for the next...er... ten hours, I want to know where to put my feet without treading on a land mine.“  
Raj sighed then. Irina had joined them, silently standing behind Jo.  
„Dean had one of his fall outs last night. I don´t know the details, but Cas seemed...more down than usual.“  
Raj scratched his nose. Jo and Irina watched him, eyebrows raised.  
„I don´t know how we even started fighting...one minute we were talking about my Mom´s recipe, and the other we were shouting at each other. Well...I was shouting at Cas obviously.“  
Irina made a clicking noise with her tongue... a habit she had taken from her crazy grandmother, usually showing disapproval . At least that was how she explained it.  
Raj rolled his eyes.  
„I know, I know! I shouldn´t have upset him any more. But somebody has to tell him the truth from time to time!“  
„And what would that truth be, Raj?“  
Jo´s eyes bore straight into Raj´s. After a moment he looked away.  
„Dean is no good for him“, he murmured. „He´ll ruin him. You know that!“  
Jo shook her head.  
„That´s where you are wrong, Raj. I don´t know that. And neither do you. So yes, loving Dean is a challenge for our Cas. But how can you be so sure he wants anything else? That this isn´t exactly how he wants it to be! It´s his love life, Raj. Maybe he needs the drama and the tears. Not our business!“  
She took a stack of table cloths from a shelf.  
„And don´t fool yourself, Raj. You are not as altruistic as you want to make yourself believe. You´re Cas´ best friend, and he needs you. Don´t ruin it by trying to be more than that.“  
She touched him gently, stroking his cheek.   
„Don´t make Cas hate you, Raj.“  
She turned and left, squeezing her way out between Irina and the shelfs.  
Irina smiled at Raj warmly.   
„He´ll need someone to pick up his pieces again“, she said with her dark, husky voice.  
„And we´d all rather that someone be you.“

When Cas entered the apartment, it was quiet. Too quiet...how come one could feel the absence of another human being like that?   
He walked into the bedroom nevertheless, to find the bed made, bedspread and cushions arranged neatly. Dean´s way of saying „I´m sorry“...  
He had not taken his battered old leather jacket, tho, and neither the one he wore when he was driving his motor bike. Cas frowned. Dean rarely left the house without his jacket at all. It was more a second skin to him, part of his persona, than a piece of clothing.  
A look into the cupboard showed Cas he´d not taken the Cowboy boots, but the more comfortable hunter boots instead. Had Dean actually decided to go to the garage by foot?  
He took out his phone, scrolling to the priority contacts. Dean´s face appeared on the screen, grinning at him in this boyish way of his. Cas hesitated for a moment. Was it a good idea to call him now?   
„Don´t be a coward“, he murmured and pressed „call“.

Dean felt the phone buzz in his back pocket.   
Cas.   
He let is buzz the three times, then listened to the first lines of „Ramble on“, before he finally gave in and took out the phone. He´d have to face this conversation anyway...better get it over with.  
When he opened the phone and Cas´sweet smile showed on the screen, he felt an unexpected pang in his heart. He´d done it again...he´d let Cas down. Again. How was this unbelievably sweet guy even still talking to him! Dean felt his stomach clench. He could do this.   
„Cas....“  
A relieved sigh. „Dean.“  
Dean leant against the dusty brick wall.  
„Where are you? Did you actually walk to the garage?“ Cas´ voice seemed genuinely surprised.  
„Yeah...I´m halfway there. Guessed a little fresh air wouldn´t hurt.“  
They were quiet for a few seconds.  
„Cas....“ Dean tried to find the right words, giving up soon.  
„I´m sorry.“   
„I know....“  
Silence again. Dammit, Dean, say something! You probably hurt your boyfriend in the worst possible way...and all you give hime is `I´m sorry´!  
„Cas, I...I don´t really remember much of last night, but I...I´m pretty sure I...I met someone...“  
He heard Cas sigh on the other end. „I know, Dean. I guessed that much.“  
Oh, crap. Dean felt for his shoulder, where he had found a hickey – well, more of a bite really – when he had shaved this morning. Dammit, why couldn´t he remember anything? The whole evening was a blur from a certain point on...he´d had a few beers...  
„I was at the bar ´round the corner...just wanted to grab a beer or two. I didn´t mean to...“  
He didn´t finish the sentence.  
„I know.“ Cas sounded...resigned. It hurt Dean more than he would admit to himself.  
That´s what you do to others, Dean Winchester. Listen to that voice. That´s what you ever, ever bring to others...hurt and despair and resignation.  
He cleared his throat.  
„Cas, I...I have to tell you some...I went to the park yesterday. To have a taco at Jose´s. And I...“  
Dammit, how could it be so difficult to confess something...something not even out-of-the-order for a dumbass like him?  
„I bought some weed...and dope. And...I took it. The dope. I still have the weed..I guess.“  
He automatically felt for his pockets before realizing he didn´t wear his jacket.  
„It´s in my jacket I guess....you can throw it away. Or burn it...whatever.“  
Cas huffed.  
„I think I´ll rather smoke it myself“, he growled.  
Dean was taken off foot. „What? Cas, wait – no, don´t, I´m not sure it´s good stuff, I didn´t even know the guy who -“, when he heard Cas chuckle softly.  
„Calm down, Dean. I won´t smoke it, I promise.“  
Dean felt sweat trickle down his back. God, Cas had really got him off guard here.  
„Son of a bitch, Cas. Don´t...don´t do this to me. Not when I´m having the worst hangover of my life.“  
„That´s how it feels, Dean“, Cas replied quietly.  
Oh, crap. Crap, crap, crap. He was so right. That was how Cas must be feeling most of the time. Dean was at a loss of words.  
„I´m sorry, Dean. That was mean. I...I guess you had me really worried last night. So...you really don´t remember what happened at the bar?“  
Dean stared at his phone. How was Cas apologizing to him now?   
„Cas, stop it! You´ve got nothing to be sorry for. It´s me who should lie on my knees kissing the dust off your feet.“  
He racked his brain once more, but all he could scratch together was that he had had two...no, three beers and watched the dancers.   
„No, I...I actually can´t remember, Cas. That´s weird....You think I´m going crazy? Or ...maybe I´m having Alzheimer´s disease...doesn´t it start like that? Forgetting things...“  
Cas sighed again.  
„I don´t think so, Dean. I rather believe you bought some really shitty stuff in the park.“  
Dean heard him walk, then something rustled.   
„I found the weed...“, rustling again. „Seems OK though. But I´m no expert. Maybe we should bring it to the police to have it tested? If someone´s selling contaminated stuff out there people can get hurt.“  
Dean felt cold sweat on his front.  
„Cas, no...wait. You can´t go to the police. I have a record with drug abuse, remember? And they won´t believe I´m just buying the stuff from the goodness of my heart to save other junkies from bad products.“  
He wiped his front with his sleeve. God, he was dripping. And it wasn´t even an especially warm day.  
„OK, Ok“, Cas gave in. „But I´m gonna burn it for real. I sure hope you didn´t spend a fortune on this.“  
„Never mind the money“, Dean growled. „Just get rid of it, please.“  
He began to feel a little dizzy.   
„Listen, Cas...I gotta go. We´ll talk when I come home...if you want to, that is. I have to go to the garage now...but I won´t be home too late. I´ll...I´ll just pop in at the restaurant OK?“  
He shook his head to drive away the dizzyness.  
„And I´m really, really sorry, Cas. I´ll make it up to you, I promise.“  
He was relieved to hear Cas chuckle.  
„I know, Dean. And hell yes, you will! I´ll hold you to it!“  
Dean smiled.  
„I love you, Cas Novak“.  
„I know, assbutt.“


	23. Visits

Danneel loved the days when she and Gen actually had time to have breakfast together. When she was a kid, she and her brother usually spent the first day of the summer holidays together, as a family, having a very late breakfast...well, more of a brunch. Most times it was only Henry who enjoyed this special day with the kids, but every other year even Dick managed to spend a few hours with them, eating, chatting and lazying on the terrace. Late breakfasts had this special glow for Danneel since then.... a kid´s joy about long weeks of summer, about being at home, nothing ahead but vacation on the beach.  
Gen worked most weekends, so they had taken the habit of holding their weekly brunch on Fridays. Danneel had no classes until 4pm, and Gen went to the office late as she could work whenever she wanted (in fact, she spent many a night there).  
„Hmmm...would you like some water melon? I think it´s still edible...“  
Gen sniffed the huge slice she had taken out of the fridge.  
The tray they used for carrying all the food outside to the tiny balcony was already crammed with butter, jam, honey, ham, fresh cheese, some fruit, and rolls; Danneel had set the low table and taken the huge cushions outside.  
„No, thanks....I won´t take the risk! Throw it away, please....“  
Gen shrugged her shoulders and dumped the water melone unceremoniously into the trash bin.  
„You´ll take the coffee, right?“  
Danneel followed her outside, two huge cups of cafe au lait in hand. The cups, looking more like bowls actually, were French, one of the many gifts Henry used to bring them from hist trips to Europe.  
They sat down, sipped their coffee, and passed a very cosy hour enjoying the sun, eating and chatting. Danneel felt strangely reconciled with the world. It was a perfect morning, and she was gonna enjoy it as long as it lasted.  
Well, obviously it was not meant to last too long. Gen had gone to refill their cups when the doorbell rang.  
„Gen?“  
As Gen didn´t answer, Danneel scrambled to her feet and went to the door of their apartment. She looked through the door spy. What the...what was her brother´s best mate doing at her door?  
She hesitated for a moment before opening the door.  
„Chad? What are you doing here?“  
He smiled apologetically.  
„Sorry to show up like this, Danneel. It´s only...Matt and I are leaving town for some time, and he kind of forgot to arrange something for Riot. Would you mind...could you maybe look after him for a few days?“  
Danneel was so surprised she only stared at Chad. Riot? Matt´s dog?  
„You want me...Matt wants me to look after his dog?“  
„Well, actually....Chris or Benny should have taken care of him as usual, but they are kind of busy, and we can´t take him with this time, so....he asked me to ask you, Danneel. He knows you like Riot.“  
Chad´s eyes looked at her, baby blue and very much like a puppy´s.  
„Who is it, Danneel? I heard the bell but I was in the bathroom so –oh, Chad.“  
Gen didn´t sound too enthusiastic.  
Chad smiled at her, bouncing up and down on his feet. Danneel realized he did that a lot.  
„Hi, Gen....“  
„Want some coffee? We´re having breakfast at the moment, so there´s plenty..“  
„Er....yes, coffee would be nice. I haven´t got much time though. We´re leaving tonight and I have to pop by the garage first to make arrangements there too...“  
Gen looked puzzled.  
„What´s going on? I feel like I have missed the important part here.“  
Danneel stepped back from the door, gesturing to Chad to come in. She went to the kitchen, Chad and Gen in her trail.  
„We´re having cafe au lait, Chad. Want one too? Or rather something else?“  
„Er...rather espresso, and black, please. Thanks.“  
Gen leant against the counter and stared at them impatiently.  
„Would anyone please tell me what´s going on?“  
She spoke in her sweetest voice – always a sign for a really bad mood.  
Danneel looked at her and grinned.  
„Matt wants me – us – to take care of Riot for a few days.“  
Gen looked so surprised that both Danneel and Chad burst out laughing.  
„Riot? Us? He trusts us with his dog?“  
Danneel nodded, then shook her head.  
„Strange things happen“, she said in a dark, husky voice.  
Gen laughed, too.  
„Are you – is he sure about that? I think we´d rather put on some legal paperwork, just to be on the safe side..“  
But Chad assured them nothing of the sort would be necessary; that Matt was thrilled to leave his beloved dog in their custody; and that they wouldn´t have to worry about food or anything else, as he´d leave enough providings for Riot to survive not only the summer, but probably right until Christmas.  
Gen shook her head.  
„Well, that comes as a real surprise. But I have to say...I love that dog. He´s such a sweetheart!“  
Danneel looked at Chad.  
„When can we fetch him? Now?“  
Chad looked at his watch.  
„Well, I´ll drive by the garage later...we could stop by Matt´s apartment first, it´s on the way. You could of course live over there for a few days..if there are any problems with your landlord.“  
They assured him there would be no difficulties at all as their landlord was a lady in her seventies who owned a poodle and an Alsacian herself.  
„I´ll go with you, Chad, and fetch him then. That´s OK, Gen, isn´t it? I´ll just slip on some clothes, Chad. A minute!“  
Gen chuckled. Danneel was really excited. She too loved Matt´s dog. They didn´t see that much of him, but he was a sweet and docile animal, well trained, and Matt´s one big weakness.  
„OK, OK“, she cried. „Go, sweetie. I´ll have to work on a story anyway...have fun!“  
She waved Chad good bye, kissed Danneel on the cheek and went outside once more to finish her breakfast.  
Five minutes later Danneel and Chad were already on the road.

When they arrived at Matt´s apartment, he wasn´t around; but Chad said he´d probably be saying good bye to Chris and Benny by getting a little drunk at some bar. Riot seemed very enthusiastic about seeing Danneel, and they took him, his leash and a huge carton of dog food with them to the car.  
It was a longer drive to the garage, and half the afternoon had already passed when they finally halted in front of the battered iron sliding doors.  
Danneel´s heart pounded a little faster when she stood at Chad´s side, waiting for the door to open. After a few minutes someone approached it, and a grumpy voice shouted, „Dean! That you, boy? If you ever frighten Cas and me again like this, I´ll personally kill -„  
The door was thrown open, and the owner of the garage stared at them, stopping midsentence.  
„Oh“, he said. His face dropped.  
„Er...Mr. Singer.“  
Chad seemed a little taken aback by the older man´s reaction.  
„I´m a friend of Mr. Roman´s and-„  
„I know damn well who you are“, the other man growled. „Look, this isn´t the best of times. We have kind of an emergency here, so if you don´t mind, I´d rather tend to this...personal stuff now.“  
He was about to turn and close the door again when Chad held out his hand, holding the door ajar.  
„Mr. Singer? Wait, please...what kind of emergency? Maybe we could be of help?“  
Danneel looked at him, rather astonished. She´d never have taken Chad for the altruistic type. He was just one of the gang to her.  
The older man turned again. Looking equally surprised.  
„I don´t think so, Mr...“  
„Lindberg. Chad, please.“  
„Chad.“ The garage´s owner rubbed his eyes. „I don´t think you can help us here, Chad. It´s my mechanic...Dean. He´s kind of...vanished.“  
His voice sounded wary, and tired. And his eyes looked really worried.  
Danneel froze. The mechanic..there was only one as far as she knew from her brother´s talking. Vanished? How could somebody vanish in times of smartphones and gps and satellite?  
But Chad seemed suddenly very calm, and focused, and alert.  
„Dean? He went missing? When?“  
Mr. Singer – Bobby, thought Danneel, if the sign on the front showed his real name – stared at him for a moment and seemed to make a decision.  
„He was on his way here obviously...that was shortly before noon. But he never showed up. And we can´t reach him on the phone.“ The older man scratched his beard.  
„It may seem ridiculous as he´s an adult and all, and he has a...a record of going awol from time to time...but this time it´s different...“  
Chad listened attentively. To Danneel, he seemed changed, almost like another person.  
„What makes you think so, Mr. Singer?“  
Bobby wiped his face in a tired gesture.  
„Well, he...he had a fall out yesterday...and things between him and his partner were pretty tense. But when he was on his way here, they talked on the phone, and...well, Cas said they made peace. He is absolutely sure Dean was serious about going to work...“  
His voice trailed away. He looked forlorn. Danneel reached out to him, touching his arm.  
Chad had his phone ready, all cool and professional.  
„Have you checked places where he could have gone? Friends, acquaintences, former partners? Employers?“  
Bobby shook his head.  
„I tried like every number I had, and called everyone who came in mind..and Cas did so, too. Cas´s his partner by the way....he´s worried sick....I even called someone at his hometown to have a look at their old house...you never know, right? But they haven´t called back yet...“  
Chad was already scrolling through his phone.  
„Let me make a few calls, Mr. Singer. I know a few people...“  
He went outside, already talking to somebody, low and fast.  
Danneel touched the older man again. She felt useless, and like an intruder to a family´s misery.  
„Mr. Singer? Can I bring you something...a coffee?“  
He looked at her with watery eyes.  
„And who are you?“  
„Oh...“ right. He hadn´t seen her before. He´d only dealt with Matt so far.  
„Excuse me..I´m Danneel Roman. Matt Roman´s sister.“  
She reached out, and he took her hand, shaking it as if in trance.  
„Coffee?“, she repeated.  
He shook his head. „No...thanks.“  
She heard someone approach and turned to see Chad striding into the garage.  
„I´ve got someone checking the hospitals“, he said. „And the general practitioners. Mr. Singer...do you have a computer here?“  
Bobby stared at him, seemingly stunned. „Hospitals....“ he murmured.  
„Mr. Singer? I´m sure Dean´s allright. This is only a measurement to exclude possibilities. A computer? And internet?“  
Danneel watched this new unknown Chad act and talk. What was going on here?  
Mr. Singer – Bobby – pulled himself together and showed Chad to the back of the garage where a small office was situated. An old and rather dusty pc stood on a desk. When Chad saw it, he sighed, but took a seat in front of it and started it.  
„I´ll try to get in police reports and emergencies. That should help us exclude accidents or...other things.“  
Crimes, thought Danneel. Oh God.


	24. Fall

Dean decided to have a coffee before going to work...a real coffee, strong and steaming hot and with this creamy milk foam on top. There was a coffee shop somewhere down the block as far as he remembered from driving by – he hadn´t actually walked to the garage until now, so he wasn´t 100% sure.   
The dizzyness in his head was starting to annoy him. He was used to hangovers – hell, they had been part of his everyday life long enough – but this one felt different. It was like his brain slowly filled with lead. He really needed that coffee!  
Luckily he saw the coffeeshop´s sign not too far away on the other side of the street.  
He crossed the street and walked down the block, squinting his eyes. Great, now he was growing a headache too.   
He stood outside the shop for a moment, trying to read the sign in the window, but his head had begun to pound like mad and he couldn´t really concentrate on the letters...they seemed to slip away from his vision like tiny cartoon characters.  
I´ll not drink anything but water and coffee for the next week, I swear to God, he thought, rubbing his wary eyes.  
He entered the shop and got in line. Many people seemed to be on their lunch break already, and it was pretty crammed. People sat at the small tables eating bagels and cup cakes. Dean felt his stomach clench. No food today. Would be a waste of money too, as he was probably going to throw it up anyway.  
When the couple in front of him had ordered and one of the women rummaged in her purse for the wallet, he realized for the second time this day he hadn´t put on his jacket.  
„Dammit!“  
He had obviously thought aloud, as the boy at the counter looked at him, rather taken aback.  
„Sir? Your order?“  
Dean looked at him blankly. What....order. Yeah.  
„Sir?“  
He stared at the young man, squinting his eyes. Why was the guy moving all the time?  
„Sorry....forgot....purse....“ His tongue felt weird. Like after a visit to the dentist´s, swollen and numb.  
„Sir? Are you allright? Sir!“  
He heard the voice as if through water. The room began to move, swaying like a boat, and Dean tried to grab the counter, but his hand only grasped thin air....people behind him jumped back when he fell, a woman even screamed.  
But he didn´t hear it anymore.


	25. Heaven and Hell

Cas smiled. He put his phone back in his pocket and just stood there, in the middle of their bedroom, staring at the perfectly made bed. When Dean talked about making it up to him, he usually put all his heart into it...going out with Cas, taking him to the movies (and actually not watching an action movie, but one of the old classics, or, even better, European films from the 1960s). Sometimes he showed Cas to places he´d never heard of before...little bars or cafes, open ateliers or one time a private boxing and fighting club, hidden behind a very respectable building hosting a school and kindergarden. When he had asked Dean how he came to know such extravagant places – not mentioning that they didn´t exactly fit his usual leisure time activities -, he had only laughed.  
„Remember my job on the renovation and construction team? That´s why..we saw quite a lot of the city...“  
And then, when they came home, Cas most times carrying some crazy present in his arms – a stuffed toy zebra, a hand knitted cap looking like an ape, a lightning sword making real noises, or, on occasion, just flowers – the best part would begin.....heavenly, passionate, all-night-long atonement sex.  
He let himself fall down on the bed and closed his eyes for a few minutes.  
They´d have to talk about it....but the first step was taken. They had found each others wavelength again.  
He scrambled to his feet and left the apartment. When he showed up in the kitchen, he felt his employees´eyes on him. He smiled reassuringly at the room without looking at someone specific.  
Raj deserved an apology. Cas was not one to postpone things, so he went directly over to his friend.  
„Raj...I´m sorry for bitching around earlier. I was upset because of Dean, and I didn´t want to hear your opinion. I shoudn´t have reacted like this.“  
Raj glared at him, and Cas realized with horror his friend had tears in his eyes.  
„No, Cas....it´s me who has to apologize. I was such an idiot...please, forget what I said...“  
Cas looked at the other man for a few moments, then he opened his arms and hugged Raj tightly.  
Jo and Irina clapped their approval and cheered. When they released each other, Cas bowed gracefully to his small audience.  
„So, guys, what´s the status...lunch ready to go?“  
Clients began to fill the tables, ordering salads and soups. For the next two hours they were quite busy keeping everyone happy.  
When the restaurant slowly emptied again, Cas decided to use the quiet hour until the dinner preparations would begin to try Raj´s recipe. He had fixed it to the wall in the storage room where his staff put „meals to remember“ ... things they had eaten or cooked and found remarkable.  
„Raj, can you help me with the Sheera?“  
He came back through the swinging doors again, recipe in hand.  
Raj smiled at him. „Sure, chef....I´ve made it with my Mums several times. Easy, but you have to know how to use the spices...“  
He seemed really happy to be on good terms with Cas again. They stood in the kitchen side by side, cooking and chatting and having fun as usual. Jo and Irina exchanged glances, grinning and silently heaving relieved sighs.  
They had already fried semolina and butter and added the hot milk. Raj stirred the mixture gently, adding a little sugar.  
Cas´ phone rang. He put the grinder down – a heavenly scent came from the cardamom he had been grinding – and pulled the phone from his back pocket.  
He looked at the screen... an old, battered, rusty car appeared.  
„Bobby, hey!“ he said cheerfully.  
„Hey, Cas....only wanted to check in on you and Dean. Everything OK with the two of you?“  
Cas smiled. Bobby wouldn´t admit it easily, but he felt – and acted – like a background father figure to Dean.  
„We´re good, Bobby....we had a good talk on the phone when Dean walked down to the garage.“ He chuckled. „He actually walked, Bobby...go figure!“  
He heard the characteristic scratching sound of Bobby rubbing his beard.  
„What do you mean, he went down here? He hasn´t shown up until now...and I´m here since 10 am. When was it you two talked?“  
Cas felt himself freeze. A cold feeling crawled up from his feet and hands to his spine, tummy, and heart. His limbs went numb.  
„What? Wait....no, this can´t be. We talked...before noon I guess....yes, must have been about 11, 11.30?“  
Raj looked at Cas, eyes attentive. Cas´ face had gone white.  
„And you´re sure about him coming in today?“  
Cas tried to steady the shaking phone at his ear.  
„Yes, I´m sure...Bobby, we talked about yesterday, and we were...we ended the call on really good terms. And he said..he told me he would go get some work done.“  
His body seemed to be separated from his brain...while his mind refused to process the information he got, his body began to shake uncontrollably.  
„Oh my God, Bobby....something must have happened to him.“  
Cas stared at Raj who stood in front of him, asking something, holding his shoulders. Cas couldn´t hear him, couldn´even feel his touch. He only saw pictures...a lifeless Dean on the street. A bleeding Dean under a car. A dead Dean, shot by some thug in front of a store...  
Bobby spoke to him, but he only tuned in on what he said after a few seconds. His voice was calm, reassuring.  
„...maybe at some bar having coffee. Or just enjoying a day off, he sure has got a hell of a hangover. You hear me, Cas? We´ll find him. I´m sure he´s OK.“  
Cas found himself on a chair. He didn´t remember how he´d got there.  
His voice was only a whisper.  
„Bobby, he....he told me he was on his way. And he was ...he told me about yesterday...the park. The drugs. And....never mind. He was honest, real honest. He wouldn´t have lied to me about the garage when he told me the truth about really serious stuff!“  
Bobby kept quiet for a moment.  
Then he sighed.  
„Look, I got some numbers here I can call. I guess you have some more....let´s just go through them and see what we can find. I´m still sure he´s gone somewhere to sleep off his headache or something like that.“  
Cas tried to breath evenly, but his lungs seemed tight and too small all of a sudden.  
„He told me...he told me he´d come home and make it up to me...“ he spoke to himself, almost inaudibly.  
„What? Make it up to you?“ Bobby sounded relieved. „Well, then he is probably looking for some stupid present or theater tickets or whatever you two do to quieten things down.“  
He huffed.  
„Sounds just like him to want to surprise you, right?“  
Cas tried to think clearly. Yes, Bobby was right. It sounded exactly like one of Dean´s crazy ideas.  
„Yeah...yes, maybe you´re right...“  
He felt relieve wash over him. Only then did it cross his mind that he could actually call Dean on his phone.  
He laughed a little hysterically. „Bobby, I...I havent´even tried to reach him on his phone yet.“  
„Then what are you waiting for, Cas! Call the wretched boy and tell him ..never mind, I´ll tell him that myself.“  
Bobby hung up on him, and Cas immediately punched the button for Dean´s cellphone.  
It rang.  
And rang.  
After the sixth ringing, someone took the call.  
„Hello?“  
„Dean? Dean, is that you?“  
„Er....no, actually....I just found this phone on the floor here...someone must have lost it. Who does this phone belong to?“  
Cas didn´t respond. He just closed his eyes. This wasn´t happening. It couldn´t possibly be happening...again.  
„Hello? Are you still here?“  
„Yes“, Cas whispered.  
„Wait a second, I´m handing the phone to the man at the counter here....“  
Cas didn´t move. If he kept his eyes shut, maybe he would just wake up. He was caught in a really bad nightmare, but he would eventually wake up.  
„Hello? I´m talking to...“ the voice trailed away for a moment as the man on the other end looked at the screen – „Cas Novak?“  
„Yes“. Cas´ voice was flat and lifeless.  
„Ah...can you describe the person who owns this phone to me please?“  
Cas opened his eyes. What the...  
„6ft2nch tall...broad shoulders....er...light brown short hair...green eyes...“  
He ran on autopilot.  
„Dammit...“  
Cas jerked. „What?“  
„I´m sorry to tell you this...but we had a ...er...an emergency here. I think the person – man- you described is the one who....“  
„What happened? Where...Where are you calling from? Is Dean- WHAT HAPPENED?“  
He realized he was shouting at the man, but couldn´t help it.  
This was crazy.  
„I´m at the Coffeeshop in Kane Street. He – the man –„  
„Dean“, said Cas automatically.  
„Er...right, Dean came in ...and when it was his turn to order he just...swayed. And he couldn´t even talk..I thought he was totally wasted, but then he crashed right in front of me. Like he had a stroke or something. But the guy is far too young for a stroke, right? Must be in his twenties.“  
„Twenty seven“, Cas whispered.  
„Yeah. Right. Well, he got us pretty shocked here. He was shaking ...having a seizure or something. I called an ambulance of course. They were here pretty fast.“  
Cas couldn´t move. He just listened to the voice on the phone. It was a cruel judge, smashing him with his verdict. Death sentence.  
„Ahem..it didn´t look too good to be true. They even used the shockers on him...you know, the ones they always use in the shows?“  
„The paddles“, Cas assisted, voice strangely disembodied.  
„Yeah. Listen, sorry, man...about your...friend?“  
The other man cleared his throat. „Will you come down here and fetch the phone? We didnt find any id on the guy, and the phone must have fallen out his pocket when he crashed.“  
„Where did they take him?“  
„What? Ah...er, I honestly don´t know. Sorry, man...but the nearest hospital is St. Mary´s. I guess they brought him there as he was...er...with his condition.“  
Cas thanked the other man and hung up.  
The phone rang immediately.  
He stared at it, unable to do anything.  
Raj took it out of his hand and took the call.  
„Hello?..Bobby!...Ah, I see. Yes. We´re on our way! Thank you..“  
He shook Cas´shoulder.  
„Cas, Bobby has found Dean. He is in St. Vincent´s. Let´s go!“  
Cas stared at him, but still didn´t move.  
Raj heaved him into a standing position.  
Suddenly he felt strong hands helping him. He looked up an found Sam at his side, holding Cas upright.  
„Jo called me“, he said quietly.  
Together they brought Cas outside to Sam´s car.  
Jo and Irina stood in the restaurant´s doorframe, shocked and pale. They would keep the restaurant running as good as possible.

During the short drive Cas didn´t move nor say a single word. He seemed stunned.  
Sam threw him worried looks through the back mirror. But Cas just sat there, staring out of the window.  
When they arrived at St. Vincent´s Hospital, Sam had Raj and Cas leave the car at the front entrance.  
„I´ll look for a parking space. You two go ahead!“  
Raj took Cas´ arm and shook him. Cas seemed to barely function.  
Together they ran into the Entrance Hall. Raj took in the long line at the information table. He went for the Registration Desk instead.  
„We are looking for someone...he must have been brought in about 4 hours ago? With an ambulance...“  
The nurse looked at him tiredly.  
„Name?“  
„Dean Winchester. But we think they didn´t have his id.“  
„Winchester as in the gun?“  
„What? Er...yes.“  
She typed something into her computer.  
„Right...no Dean Winchester here. What was the emergency?“  
Her cool, professional voice calmed Raj down at least a little. Cas stood at his side like a man in trance.  
„Er...he broke down in a coffee shop. The waiter told us they used paddles...“  
The nurse glanced up shortly, then began to type again.  
„Ah, yes. We have a John Doe, brought in at 12.05. He´s currently in Intensive Care. Wing D, third floor, the green lines.“ She gestured to the elevators at the farest end of the Hall.  
„Thank you“, Raj gasped. When he dragged Cas to the elevators, he saw Sam approach them in a half run.  
„Intensive Care“, he said, not waiting for his question.  
„Dammit“, Sam murmured. They mounted the elevator. How could it be so slow?  
It seemed not to move at all!  
Third floor at last. „Green lines...“ Raj said under his breath.  
They followed the green line painted on the wall and on the floor.  
A glass door stopped them however at the end of a long corridor.  
„Intensive Care“, the huge sign above it read.  
A middle aged, motherly looking nurse just came out of the doors.  
She looked at them, eyebrows raised. „Yes?“  
„We are looking for Dean Winchester...er...John Doe? He was brought in at about 12.00?“  
Raj watched her face. He saw her eyes widen for a split second.  
„You think he is a relative of yours? Do you have an id, a photo? Sorry, I can´t let you in without confirm you are related or partners.“  
Cas slowly put his wallet out of his pocket. He took a photo out and handed it to the nurse.  
„His name is Dean“, he said quietly.  
The nurse glanced at the photo and nodded. „I´m afraid that´s him“, she said.  
Although they had been sure it was Dean all along, the confirmation was a blow.  
Cas swayed.  
„Can I...can I see him?“  
The nurse looked at him, eyes pityful.  
„You are his partner? Can I have some confirmation?“  
Cas looked lost.  
„Er...we are not....“ his voice faded.  
The nurse nodded. „No problem, love. If you share an apartment or house and both of you are registered it will show. Let´s just have a look at the pc.“  
When Cas din´t follow her, but looked desperately at the closed glass doors, she took his arm.  
„It will only take a minute. I´m sorry, I can´t let you in otherwise.“  
Her voice was kind.  
„He is stable for now. You´ll be at his side in no time, don´t worry.“  
Cas let himself be dragged to a desk he hadn´t even noticed before. The nurse slipped behind the computer and asked, „Your name and address, please?“  
Castiel cleared his throat.  
„Castiel Novak.....“  
The nurse typed, then looked at him questioningly and waited.  
Cas seemed to have lost whatever he was going to say. He just stared at her, mind blank.  
Sam´s deep, calm voice washed over him.  
„Jefferson High Street 223.“  
„Ah, yes...there you are. And the apartment is registered to a Dean Winchester, too. OK, then.“  
She closed the window on the screen and got up, taking Cas´ arm again.  
At the glass doors she stopped, turning to Sam and Raj.  
„I´m sorry, but only relatives and partners are allowed in. You´ll have to wait here.“  
„Of course...“  
Sam squeezed Cas´ shoulder briefly. Raj brushed over his sleeve in a gentle gesture.  
„We´re here, Cas.“  
Cas nodded. He looked frightened all of a sudden.  
The nurse opened the door and waited for him to follow her.  
Cas took a deep breath and entered the Intensive Care wing.


	26. Voices in a Dream

„Ollie ollie oxen free!“  
Dean smiled. So Anna had found Garth again...as she always did. It was maybe because Garth wanted to be found by her. He crawled out from behind the trash bin, padding his trousers.  
He ran up the wooden stairs and threw open the delapitated backdoor.  
„Anna!“  
He didn´t see her at the meeting point though. Only Garth was sitting on the old leather couch.  
„Garth! Where´s Anna! Didn´t she find you?“  
Garth didn´t answer. Dean noticed he was dripping wet. In fact a pool was building at his feet. Garth didn´t seem aware of it, he just slowly tugged at the rather long, thin hairstrands that were plastered to his head.  
Dean looked around the living room.  
He frowned when he saw more water coming through the open door.  
„What the...“  
He went to the staircase, trying not to get wet shoes.   
„Son af a bitch! Anna, what´s going on up there!“  
Water was running down the stairs... a lot of water. It was more like a merry little stream running right through their house.  
Dean turned. „Garth, what the hell is....“  
But Garth had vanished.   
Dean looked at the mess around him again. The water was everywhere.   
„Dad will kill me“, he murmured.   
„Anna, what in God´s name are you doing up there!“  
He started climbing the stairs....but it was trickier than he had expected. The water made them slippery, and the current was strong like that of the river where he used to go swimming in summer...it tugged and pulled at his feet so he couldn´t get upstairs...  
„Dean! Dean, come up here....“  
Anna´s voice. Dean frowned. Yes, it was Anna´s voice...sweet and bright. But there was something strangely silky in it too.  
He grabbed the bannisters and pulled himself up against the stream of water. Eventually he reached the end of the staircase and saw where all the water was coming from.  
The bathroom door was closed; and a constant flow of water came through the gap underneath it.  
Dean stared at the door.   
„Dean, come....come to me....“  
Dean was frozen to the spot. Something was not right here....the water was no longer clear...it had taken on a reddish hue....and it became darker and darker the longer he stood there, aghast.  
„Anna?“, he said. His voice was muffled, as if he was speaking under water.  
He did not want to open the door. He just knew he would not want to see what was waiting behind it.   
But the voice kept calling him from inside the bathroom....  
„Dean, come see me..I´m here, don´t you wanna see? Look who´s here too...“  
He finally let go of the banisters and approached the door.  
He reached for the doorknob, hand shaking. Someone was giggling inside, and he knew it was Anna, although it was not the voice he had known all his life...  
Dean opened the door.  
Anna sat in the bathtub, but it was not the 13 years old Anna he remembered. This Anna was grown up, a beautiful young woman with long, dark red hair. She looked at him with these huge, clear eyes of hers.  
„Dean, you´re here....finally.....I´ve waited for you for so long....“  
Dean stared at her, unable to move or speak....  
She wore the white shirt like he remembered, one of their father´s...not John´s, of course, but Balthazar´s, Balthazar who´d left them for a woman, left them with a devastated and broken and unreliable parent.  
It had been much too big then...and stained wih blood despite the water. Dean couldn´t see any blood now, only the red liquid surrounding his sister, becoming oily and sticky while he watched it.  
„Come, Dean....come to me....“  
Her sweet voice...he had almost forgotten how sweet her voice had been...and how beautiful her eyes, dark blue, like Cas´...  
Cas...he had to call Cas, find him, this wasn´t right, he needed to be with Cas...make amends...he promised...  
„Dean....why don´t you come to me? Can´t you see who´s here? Look who´s come....“  
And then he saw him, Balthazar, smiling his half smile, eyes all crinkled and warm, and he held his arms wide open for him, and Dean wanted to run to him and feel hugged, feel safe for once, if only for one short embrace...  
He looked at Anna who smiled at him, so sweet, holding her arms out at him too, and he saw the cuts, so deep and red and he started to go towards her and his lost father  
but there was this other voice...  
He knew this voice, deep and rough, it whispered in his ear, and it told him to stay, stay with me Dean, don´t leave me, don´t you dare leave me like this  
„Come, brother, let´s go, let´s be a family once more....a true family....come...“  
The other voice wouldn´t stop, it pulled at him, held him back  
stronger than the water on the stairs had been  
it tugged at his clothes stay with me you promised promised me Dean you can´t go like this  
I need you his feet were so heavy the voice pulled them back out of the bathroom I can´t loose you stay here stay with me Dean  
I love you  
I love you  
don´t leave me please please please  
Anna Balthazar the bathroom faded away the house the red red water  
only the voice was left the voice he knew so well the voice he loved so much  
the one voice he wanted to listen to  
all his life  
your voice  
Cas


	27. Then...and Now

It was the beeping that made Cas finally break down.  
They had passed the holding room with disinfection right after the glass walls.  
The nurse led him to one of the rooms, all the time holding his arm in her motherly way, making soothing noises – or maybe she was actually talking to him, Cas couldn´t really tell.   
They walked past closed doors to the part where the rooms had huge windows leading to the corridors and the doors itself had windows too. All rooms were crammed with medical electronic equipment, small multicolored lights were blinking, and then there was the beeping.  
Cas legs suddenly turned jelly. He stumbled, and had the nurse not grabbed him with firm arms, he would have fallen.  
„You OK, love?“, she asked, understanding in her kind eyes.  
Cas panted. He didn´t seem to get enough air in his lungs. He was back at another hospital, similar to this one though, the same blinking and beeping machinery keeping people alive...and he was running along a corridor just like this one, glass windows showing beds with human beings in them, looking ridiculously small and fragile against the tubes and monitors and life-support machines.  
„Mr. Novak? Castiel?“  
He focused on the face before him.   
„We are almost there. Here, take my arm...“  
She linked arms with him, practically dragging him to the next door in slow motion.  
Cas stared through the glass wall. 

The first thing he had felt then was relief. A huge, monumental relief. Because the figure on the bed couldn´t be Dean..it was someone else, and Dean...Dean was alright, he had gone on one of his trips, and he would come home hungover and bleary eyed and maybe with cuts and bruises, but otherwise well and unharmed. And Cas would be mad at him, they would argue first and give each other the silent treatment after that and eventually find the one sentence or word or just a glance or a touch that would break the ice and make them take off their armors again.

This time, he knew it was Dean right away.   
Even with the oxygen mask covering half of his face, and his head bandaged, there was still enough face and body visible to make some unknown, unnamed patient Dean. His Dean.  
A strange noise came out of his mouth, a mixture of a gasp and a sob and a stifled cry.  
He felt the nurses arms around his shoulders.  
„There, love, it is not that bad...he is breathing on his own...there now..“  
And then he stood at the side of the bed and stared down at the calm figure...apart from the mask and the tubes and the sensors monitoring the heart rate, blood pressure, temperature, and the infusion pump at his side, Cas looked at the same face he had at his side every night – relaxed and childlike and free from the taught expression it sometimes showed during the day.  
The nurse fetched a chair from the wall and pressed Cas into it.  
„I know it can seem utterly useless, but you should talk to him. Most of the patients who wake up tell the same story...that they had heard voices, that they heard their loved ones talk. It´s worth the try.“  
„I know...“, Cas managed to say. „I have...experience.“  
The patients who wake up....but what if....what if....  
The nurse watched him carefully.   
„Ah...the scars. An accident?“  
„Yes,“ Cas whispered.  
The nurse – `Loretta´ read the tag on her dress – nodded.  
„The scan showed that part of the lung was removed. Was it a car accident?“  
„Yes...“  
Cas swallowed. He didn´t want to think of it now. Dean looked so much better this time, peaceful and almost unharmed, and he breathed – shallow and almost inaudible, but on his own – and Cas felt he could not face memories of this first night, after he had finally found Dean in a far away hospital, right now.  
Loretta seemed to understand his anxious silence.  
She padded Cas´arm again, said „I´m right out there if you need anything, love...“ and left him alone with Dean.  
Cas took the one hand that was free from winged infusion sets and sensors and began to stroke Dean´s fingers gently. He felt the callouses on his fingertips, the roughnes of his palms. They had taken away the silver ring Dean never took off...Cas had it had repaired for him after it had been cut off his finger after the accident. His finger showed a paler band of skin where the ring had been. Cas touched it softly.  
He started to talk.

„Dance with me!“  
They were standing on the wooden deck right above the river, lampions alight everywhere, people around them laughing and talking and listening to the band´s relaxed gig.   
Cas looked up at Dean, unsure if the other man was serious.  
„Dance? You sure? I don´t know, I´m not much of a -“  
„Relax, Cas! Count your blessings....you´re with me tonight!“  
And just like that, Dean took Cas´ hand and pulled him through the crowd, right on to the dance floor...turned him around, eyes bright and smiling...those startingly green eyes...  
...and for the first time, dancing didn´t feel awkward. It was just – just the thing you do with the one person on earth you want to lay your arms around and move....sway....get lost....

„....I knew it then, Dean....right there on the dancefloor...I´d never let you go anymore.“  
Cas entwined his fingers with Dean´s slack ones, feeling the warmth.  
„It was like...being enchanted....floating in midair, weightless....“

Dean´s warm hands on his waist....Cas could feel his breath on his front, soft puffs carrying the scent of chewing gum....so sweet and fresh...  
Motor oil and metal and leather...and the warm, dry scent of Dean´s skin....Cas was engulfed in him...so lost and so safe at the same time...

„...do you remember the ride we took on your bike afterwards? You said helmets were for those afraid to spill their crazyness....it felt so good to have the wind blow right through us...“  
He touched Dean´s front, traced his eyebrows with a finger. His lashes, so long and dense...girlishly pretty....the soft skin beneath Dean´s eyes was bluish, and he let his fingers brush over it, let them take the tiredness away....oh God, the way the skin used to crinkle around his eyes when he was smiling...

„WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE......“  
Cas had never felt so happy. So free and weightless and full of joy and light....it was like burning and bursting and shining...  
He had taken his hands off Dean´s sides, standing up, stretching his arms wide, taking in the whole world. The wind made his wild hair flap like mad...but he didn´t close his eyes, he wanted to see, really see, cause the city was so beautiful all of a sudden, a place full of magic...  
And Dean shouted, too, loud and happily and laughing, and turned to look at the crazy man behind his back for a moment, eyes bright and full of warmth and joy...and...admiration...and Cas knew he would do anything...anything to be looked at like this for the rest of his life.

He was so tired. And he wished so much...so much that Dean would just stir, and open his eyes, and stare at him with that wonderfully unfocused look, full of the night´s dreams, in between worlds...  
But Dean just lay there, calm and motionless, breathing ever so slightly...  
And Cas went on.


	28. Bonds and Surprises

Danneel watched Chad type. The garage´s owner stood at her side, his rather worn cap in hands, rubbing his tired eyes.  
„This boy...“, he murmured, and the broken sound of his voice made her reach out to him again.  
He looked at her when he felt her hand on his arm. His eyes were red and puffy.  
„Sorry, I...I´m not usually such a whiny mess...“  
Danneel smiled at him.   
„You care for your ....for him a lot, huh?“  
Mr. Singer shook his head in a defeated way. „Ever since he stepped inside this garage...I´ve felt somehow responsible for this lad.“  
He scratched his neck and turned the cap in his hands, not looking up.  
„And now I´ve let him...I´ve failed him for the second time.“  
He seemed so sad and old and tired...Danneel wondered what the first failure could have been.  
„But...excuse me if I ask...you are not related or...“  
Bobby looked up, pulled from his dark thoughts.  
„Related? No...just came to know him a few years ago...worked for a friend of mine.“  
He smiled, obviously lost in some memories.  
„I knew this kid meant trouble the minute I saw him....and my friend even warned me to give him a permanent post....but hell, I hadn´t seen a mechanic this talented in years. Awesome skills, and committed....he just loves cars. Old ones, I mean. Never saw him beat a lash for one of the fancy things driving our streets nowadays.“  
He smiled at Danneel.   
„And he may have come in late from time to time...well, regularly at that....and had his crazy trips now and then...but he never failed to make up for it. Never.“  
His rough voice had a hint of pride in it.   
„You care for him a lot, right?“  
Bobby´s short huffed laugh was so sad it cut her to the quick.  
„Yeah....yeah, you can say that much. I was ...I was pretty much feeling like being a back up parent for him. You know, just someone to go to when there´s trouble, without all the crap family brings to the equation.“  
He looked at the wall with all the tools and devices and the dusty prize cups on the shelves.   
„God knows he´s had his share of family drama already. Took me some time to find out, but eventually I knew he had nobody left – well, nobody worth mentioning at least.“  
He sounded sad, and angry.  
„Don´t have kids of my own, you see....just liked to think of Dean as my...our...“  
His voice trailed away. They were quiet. Chad´s typing on the old key board was suddenly loud and disturbing.  
Danneel opened her mouth to ask Chad if he had found out anything - good or bad -, when he stopped typing all of a sudden, squinting at the screen.  
„I think I got him.“

Chad had gathered together a full report, using records of emergency calls, retracing ambulance routes, reading through police radio transcripts. How on earth he had managed to get all this information, Danneel was absolutely thrilled to know; heck, he had even scribbled down the name of the doctor who obviously had taken over Dean – if it was Dean he had been tracing – at the St. Vincent´s hospital. How was this even possible! Danneel got the feeling that Chad had skills no one – maybe not even her brother – had had any idea of. She wasn´t sure how she felt about it.  
Bobby had straightened up.  
He looked at Chad in a way so Danneel knew he had pretty much the same feeling about the guy´s ...skills.   
„I sure as hell don´t know how you put this together, man...but thanks anyway.“  
He pulled his phone from his jacket pocket. Danneel noticed his hands were shaking badly.  
„If you don´t mind...gotta call Cas....“ he was already squinting at the phone´s display.  
„Never mind...you´re welcome“, Chad said, standing up, the page torn from a notepad where he had scribbled down names, numbers and exact times, in hand.  
Bobby closed his phone.  
He looked at Chad apologetically.  
„I´m really sorry - but I´ll have to go to the hospital. Don´t want to be rude and all, especially after what you´ve done for me right now, but...“  
„It´s OK, Mr. Singer. We´re coming with you anyway.“  
Danneel looked at Chad, utterly surprised. What?  
„I´d rather drive you to the hospital, Mr. Singer. One ...emergency is enough for today, and I´m not sure you´re in the state of mind to drive safely right now. Let me drive you there...“  
Bobby opened his mouth, staring at him for a moment, then closing it again.  
He nodded.  
„I ain´t sure why you´re doing this for me, man, but...thanks.“  
He walked to the main door.  
Chad looked at Danneel. „Are you OK with that? It won´t take long, I promise. St. Vincent´s isn´t too far.“  
Danneel shook her head, uneasy what to answer.  
„Never mind, Chad. Good of you to...help.“  
He watched her for a second, and she got the impression he considered telling her something...but then he just nodded.  
„Ok“, was all he said. They followed Bobby outside.

They found Bobby leaning at the wall outside, drinking from a silver flask.  
He quickly stored it away when he saw them.  
„Sorry...just felt like I could need some...help...before I go there.“  
Danneel touched his arm lightly, shooting him a small smile.  
Chad shrugged his shoulders. „Nothing to be sorry for, Mr. Singer. We all have our ways to deal with...situations.“  
They approached the car, when Chad stopped short.  
„Shit,“ he mouthed, and it sounded more like the Chad Danneel had known so far.  
She looked at him quizzically.  
„Riot“, he said. „totally forgot about him...“  
Danneel glanced at the car. Matt´s dog was sitting on the rear bank, looking at them expectantly. He was not moving or making a sound tho.  
Danneel hasted to the car and opened the door. „Riot! Goooood boy....“  
She fondled the spot behind his ears every dog loved to be touched at.  
„That´s my boy....“  
Matt had him trained really well, she thought.   
„Well...I guess we´ll take him with us. He´ll stay in the car. He´s used to do it anyway...“  
Chad went over to the driver´s door.  
„You won´t mind sitting with him in the back, won´t you, Danneel?“  
Danneel smiled.  
„Not at all. He´s such a sweetie...“  
Chad looked at Riot for a moment.  
„Yeah“, he said drily. He seemed pensive.  
Bobby Singer took the passenger seat, and they sped down the street.

At the Entrance Hall, Chad went over to the Registration Desk to ask for confirmation of the facts he had gathered by his computer wizard thing. Danneel had first wanted to stay with Riot in the car...but Chad had told her Matt always left the dog alone when he was on his trips, so she came with the two men. Not that she needed much persuasion...as much as she dreaded what they would find out in the hospital, she was too eager to know what happened to the mechanic...Dean. And she felt like leaving Bobby alone now wouldn´t be a good idea. Although she barely knew him at all, she liked the old man.  
Danneel watched Chad wait at the desk while the nurse made a call. When she was finished, she talked to him for a minute, nodding and gesturing towards the elevators. Chad pocketed something while he approached them.  
„Ok, seems we were right. Dean´s partner arrived here about ten minutes ago...obviously they confirmed that it was Dean who was admitted here at noon. His partner-„  
„Cas“, Bobby said quietly.  
„Cas, yes – he is with him now. We can go up tho if we – if you want Mr. Singer.“  
Bobby looked at him, nodding first and then shaking his head.  
„I will stay here of course. Can´t leave Cas alone with this mess. He´s had enough of this shit already...“.  
He scratched his beard. „But you don´t need to stay with me, Mr. Lindbergh...Miss Roman...you´ve already done too much..really appreciate it...“  
Danneel saw his eyes go watery. She took his arm hastily.  
„Well, I won´t leave you alone either, Mr. Singer...Bobby. And we´re already here, so...let´s go see how...how things are?“  
Bobby looked at her, somehow amazed, but grateful, and huffed, a little embarrassed; but he didn´t object.  
Chad nodded, and they went to the elevators.

When they arrived at the corridor leading to the Intensive Care Unit, they found two men sitting in the small waiting area outside the glass wall. Two rather handsome men, Danneel noted...one a dark, slender Asian, wearing a cook´s working clothes, the other a tall long haired guy who sat bent over, elbows on his knees. They were talking quietly to each other, but looked up when their little group entered the corridor.  
Handsome didn´t quite cut it, Danneel thought...they both were strikingly beautiful.

Chad nodded to them and went over to the nurse´s desk. Bobby greeted the two men, shaking hands.  
„Raj.....Sam...“  
Their faces were tense.  
„How is he? Did you see him?“ Bobby spoke so low it was almost a whisper.  
Both men shook their heads.  
„We can´t go in...family only“, the tall one...Sam...answered. „He´s not conscious, but breathes on his own...I gathered that much from what the nurse told Cas.“  
He looked at Danneel and then at Bobby, eyebrows raised.  
Bobby seemed to pull himself together.  
„Ah, sorry, guys...this is Danneel Roman... Dean was working on her brother´s car currently...Danneel, this is Sam, a friend of Dean´s, and Raj...he´s working with Cas in the Restaurant..“  
„And a good friend, too“, Sam added, shaking Danneel´s hand and smiling warmly.  
Raj shot him a glance, then nodded to Danneel.  
„And you know Dean too? From the garage?“  
Danneel felt uncomfortable. „Well, actually...“ What should she answer to this question?  
I only saw him once through a gaping door and was enchanted? Yeah...that would make a good impression.  
„Uhhm...yes“, she said.  
They all turned to watch the desk where Chad talked to the imposing black nurse. Their voices had become louder.  
„Will you let me see him if I show you this?“, Danneel heard Chad say, voice steely.  
He nestled with his back pocket and fished out a small black item.  
When he flashed it into the nurses surprised face, Danneel stared at them, utterly bewildered. Was – was Chad showing her an ID...like police? FBI? Chad??  
It sure looked like the scenes in the TV shows...  
The nurse looked Chad up and down, face sceptical, and took another look at the ID he still held out to her. Then she nodded briefly.  
„OK then...I´ll show you in. Anyone else an FBI agent here?“, she called, looking at the group of people who seemed rather mesmerized by the scene they had just witnessed.

„Actually, Ms. Roman belongs to me“, Chad said in this new autoritative manner of his.  
„I will need her to come with me.“  
Danneel was frozen to the spot. Her bewilderment obviously showed on her face, because the nurse looked at Chad supiciously after throwing her a short glance.  
But she didn´t object when Chad went over to Danneel.  
„I´d like you to go in with me, Danneel...I´ll explain everything to you.“  
Danneel was dumbstruck. Chad...FBI....what the...  
She let herself be guided to the glass wall however. She felt the stares of the three other men on her back....they were as amazed as herself.  
Then the nurse opened the sliding doors by pressing a button on the wall, and they went into the holding room. Danneel watched Chad while she was rubbing her hands and lower arms with desinfectant. He looked up and smiled briefly, in a reassuring way.  
They went down the brightly lit corridor, passed a line of rooms with frightening looking machinery in them...you could hardly see the human beings lying in between them. Danneel felt sick. She was pretty sure she didn´t want to see what was before her any more. And Chad´s strange behavior, together with the fact that he obviously worked for the FBI, didn´t help much to ease this feeling.  
The nurse stopped in front of one of the rooms. Danneel could see a man sitting at the bed´s side, bent low over the the bed, holding a limp hand. His eyes were closed, but his lips were moving...was he praying? Or just talking?  
He wore a cook´s clothing too. His face looked tired, indefinitely tired.  
Danneel could almost feel his sadness seeping through the glass.


	29. Intimacy

„Excuse me for a moment...“  
Danneel stirred. Chad had touched her shoulder briefly and took the bewildered nurse further down the corridor. He started to talk to her, low and rapidly. Danneel went back to watching the two men in the room behind the glass.  
The cook...what was his name...Cas! Cas looked at his unconscious partner on the bed now. He stroked the small part of Dean´s face that was actually visible, the eyebrows, the eyelids...brushed over the tender skin under the closed, unmoving eyes.  
The touch was so gentle and intimate that Danneel had to look away.   
What was she doing here?  
Chad and the nurse had vanished, but she heard voices coming from a room at the end of the corridor. Danneel looked back at Cas...and the immobile figure that once had been Dean. Cas had Dean´s hand in his, both pressed to his cheek. He seemed to be talking again.  
She had no right to be here. What had she been thinking? That she could just walk in on a situation like this one – because she had a crush on a person she didn´t even know? Just because she had seen something in his eyes she knew from her own...experience....and, yes, because he was unbelievably attractive.  
Just when she decided to leave and join Bobby and the handsome couple in the waiting zone, Chad and the nurse came out of one of the rooms. A doctor was with them. He shook Chad´s hand and nodded solemnly.   
The nurse and Chad came back, but the nurse only nodded to Danneel and began to go check in on all the patients...and the machines... in the beeping rooms.  
Chad approached Danneel.  
„I´m sorry for all of this...secrecy here, Danneel. I promise I will tell you what´s going on in short time. Let me just talk to Cas first for a few minutes.“  
She nodded – what else could she do -, and watched Chad enter the room.  
Cas raised his head. Danneel cringed when she saw the desperation on his face.  
He looked at Chad without recognition. Chad reached out to him, and Cas stood up. It was the movement of an old, fragile man.  
Chad took out his ID once more. Danneel had to look at the two men all the time...she felt like an intruder, a pervers voyeur, but at the same time could not stop watching them. Chad talked...again...and Cas listened, head cocked to one side, his expression unreadable. Several minutes passed, Chad kept talking...what on earth did he have to tell the poor man? Could it be that important it couldnt wait...when Cas was practically sitting on Dean´s – Danneel stopped short. No. She would not say this word. She would not even think it. For the sake of this already grieving man in front of her...and for Bobby, whom she felt oddly close to, and the friends who were waiting outside...she would NOT think it.  
At one point Cas turned to Dean again, looking at him for a moment, then closing his eyes, a pained expression on his face. Chad put a hand on the other man´s shoulder. He talked for a few more minutes, face kinder than before.  
Both of them turned and went for the door. Only when they came out of the room did Cas notice Danneel, and he jerked.  
„This is Danneel Roman, Mr. Novak. I brought her with me...you´ll understand as soon as I have given you all the information.“  
Cas nodded and shot Danneel a tired look. He was good looking, too...huge blue eyes, wild black hair... a very romantic appearance. He radiated despair though...Danneel could almost feel it physically.  
„We have to discuss a few details with the doctor, Danneel...I guess you can go in and see Dean in the meantime?“  
Danneel stared at their backs when they left for the room at the end of the corridor again.  
Suddenly Cas turned back to her, looking at her with these huge, pleading eyes.  
„Please...could you talk to him? The nurse said...it can help....to keep them connected...“  
She nodded, at a loss of words, and he turned again.  
She watched Dean through the window once more, then she took a deep breath and went into the room.

The beeping was disturbing. After the totally muted scenes she had just witnessed, it seemed rather noisy....and ..profane...just machines doing their work....reducing a human being to a more or less functioning body. How were the patients supposed to get some rest in here – conscious or not...  
She sat down on the chair at the bed´s side. It still held Cas´warmth in it....she felt like an intruder again.  
Watching Dean´s face from that close, she noticed his freckles for the first time. Together with his relaxed, slack face it gave him such a childlike look.... a sleeping boy, exposed to the stares of everyone, hers too...so vulnerable. Danneel stood up. This was insane. Something in her seemed to change...shift...she watched the monitors around her for a while. Numbers. And moving lines. That was what you became when you landed here: a diagram of numbers and graphs. Hopefully still moving graphs.  
All of a sudden she was anxious not to be alone with the unconscious mechanic any more. What did Chad take so long! She looked down at Dean again. Freckles. And lashes any girl would die for. The cheekbones....she was almost glad his lips were under the oxygen mask. She remembered them too well from the one time she´d actually seen them...they had been visiting her in her dreams, kissing her, in places – no, stop it! You´re a perv, Danneel. Stop that now.  
She took a deep breath and sat down again, forcing herself to look at the tubes and needles and sensors covering the human being in front of her. 

When he had looked up then, standing in the courtyard between all those rusty car parts, hands oily, t-shirt stained...and he had looked in her direction...she had seen it in his eyes. For a fraction of a second only, they were unguarded...open to read. And she had known the lines she found there...  
Pain. And self-loathing. And hope...always the hope. It was the worst of all. Cause it kept you going on and on...making you believe something could change...you could change. And all the while, going on only meant hurting others more. Destroying more. Disappoint more. Loathe yourself more.

Danneel got up again, went to see if Chad or Cas were coming back..no sign of them though. She listened to the monitor´s steady beeping for a while, thinking of Dean and Cas as a couple. There had been such a tenderness in Cas´ touches....such unconditional love in his eyes. It had been there, behind all the pain. Didn´t they say that was what love should be...unconditional...  
She sat down on the chair, taking a deep breath. All the faces she had watched today, full of anxiety...Bobby and Sam..and the other good looking guy....and Cas. Yes, and even Chad. They deserved better. They were worth some effort.  
She cleared her throat and started to talk to the man lying in front of her, ready to share with him what she had never, never said out loud for all her life.


	30. Revelations

„Mr. Novak, this is Dr. Sheppard. He has agreed to be part of our our investigation, collecting and providing information on the...complications caused by the new drug. He specializes in drug related organ damage and failure...please...let´s take a seat for a moment, shall we?“  
The agent...Chad... was all focused and professional, which was oddly disturbing as it didn´t fit at all with his strange outfit and looks.   
Cas looked at him for a moment. He felt dazed. Overwhelmed by all that had happened within the last ....was it only 16, 18 hours?  
What a ridiculous haircut. Right from the 80s...together with the jacket – jean fabric, sleeves cut off – and the nerdy T-shirt reading „The Doctor is IN!“... it disguised perfectly what lay beneath...a smart, highly trained undercover agent. Cas shook his head. What a day. What a mess....  
„Mr. Novak? Cas? Are you with us?“  
Chad touched Cas´ shoulder briefly. „You OK?“  
Cas nodded. The doctor opened a thick manila folder lying on the table. He took a few pages out. Cas saw numbers and diagrams..and more numbers.   
„Mr. Novak, this is the blood scan, organ screening results and general medical status of your partner. We had the test evaluation rushed on request of agent Lindbergh here.“  
Chad nodded for the doctor to go on.  
„We have been experiencing some trouble with patients during the last three years, most of them unconscious or nearly so...as they were delivered to different hospitals, it took us some time to figure out their screenings all showed similar data. Once we had made the connection, it was clear all the patients – most of them young and with a drug abuse history – had taken the same substance and suffered severe organ damage from it.“  
Cas listened to the doctor´s pleasant voice. He had a fancy British accent. How could a voice like this tell such horrible stories....it should rather recite Shakespeare poems or speak of love and passion....  
„When the proper health authorities contacted us, we already had gathered some information on a new drug contributor in town, smart enough not to cross the established families or making deals with them.“  
Chad spoke fast. Cas had troubles to stay focused. He stared at the numbers on the papers in front of him. Numbers that talked about organs and blood. Organs and blood that were Dean´s....that were in fact Dean. His immobile face filled his mind. The bluish skin under his eyes.   
„...decided to send an agent in deep cover into the organization two years ago. That would be me...“  
Chad´s voice pulled Cas back from his thoughts.  
„It took us more than 8 months to get to the head of the new players. Matt Roman. Son of Dick Roman, successful businessman, ambitious politician and well known donor to all kinds of charities ....including drug rehab programs and anti-drugs information campaigns.“  
Chad´s voice had a bitter edge to it.  
How could someone live like this, Cas thought. Live with the very people you were meant to catch and lock away, like they were your family. Play along with them...being part of their inhuman, life contempting schemes.  
„It complicated things....“, Chad went on. „We were really lucky though. Cause Dick Roman approached me, his son´s supposed loyal friend, and offered me a huge sum in exchange for information on his son´s recent activities.“  
Cas looked at Chad, surprised.  
„What – you are telling me Dick Roman KNEW about his son´s drug business?“  
Chad nodded, rubbing his eyes.  
„He was not involved, but has been well informed for the last 18 months. And he did nothing...until now, that is.“  
Chad looked at the doctor, who had been listening patiently, turning a silver pen in his hands all the time.   
„With more and more patients coming in showing the same symptoms – unconsciousness, organ failure, coma – the authories were on alert. The new drug was pulling attention. The only reason it had taken us so long to make the connection was the fact that this drug does not harm the body more than others when taken alone. The problem is that only few drug abusers stick to one substance...they take what they get or what they can afford. And the new drug didn´t go well with other substances.“  
Cas looked at the pen in the doctor´s hands, mesmerized by it´s steady movement.  
Other substances....oh, Dean...what did you buy in the park...and how often did you go there, having a taco at Jose´s...and something else afterwards...  
„We had gathered enough information to be able to show the fatal connection between the new drug, an old drug abuse habit and the effect on the user´s organs“, Dr. Sheppard went on.  
Chad took over again. Cas was reminded of the old screwball comedies his mothers loved to watch..only there was nothing funny about this conversation. Nothing at all.  
He looked up at Chad. What he saw in his eyes...was that guilt? Shame?  
„We needed proof, tho. A case to verify the information first hand, showing the effects within 24 hours of using, and being able to follow and reveal the steps that led to those effects – including the acquisition of the drug.“  
Cas stared at the other man. He felt numb.  
„And that´s where Dean....“  
He didnt finish the sentence.   
Chad looked at him then, and Cas was sure to see the guilt in his eyes now.  
„That´s were Dean came in, yes.“  
Chad´s voice was rough.  
„We had him monitored for days...ever since I noticed his delated pupils on a visit at the garage...and the interest he evoked in Matt Roman.“  
Chad cleared his throat.  
„He was...he fit his prey profile.“  
Cas listened to the words, but his brain didn´t seem to make the connection to their meaning. Was this even real...not some totally fucked up, crazy dream he would wake up to every minute...  
„Matt was fast this time. It took him only a few days to...er...grab hold of Dean. He didn´t waste time. Like father, like son.“ Chad scoffed. His face was tense.  
„I was with Matt on the evening he was trailing Dean. He made it look like an accidental meeting, even to me – ever the cautious businessman. He found him at the bar around the corner near the garage. I played along.“  
Cas looked at him then. Chad´s voice sounded strained.   
Who can make a job like that, he wondered. How did you get there? You started as a highly motivated young police officer, proud to be righteous and helping people. And then, ten years later, you „played along“ with thugs and criminals to bring them down....violating all the moral standards you were once proud of. Violating your own soul with them. For the greater good...  
„What Matt didn´t know was that we had surveillance planted on Dean that night. And that I was part of it. We were able to witness and record the whole...purchase.“  
Chad did not look at Cas.  
„Did you...record...the sex as well?“, Cas asked quietly.  
Chad looked at him then. Cas stared in his face without blinking.  
The agent looked uncomfortable.  
At least he´s still able to feel like that, Cas thought.  
„I know about it. Dean told me.“  
He saw a flash of – surprise? Relief? – pass Chad´s face.  
„Did you?“  
„Yes“, the agent answered. The doctor stirred in his chair. He was clearly not at ease either.  
„I...we need it to...get the complete picture, Cas. I´m sorry.“  
Cas didn´t aswer. He only nodded. He felt so tired.  
„When Dean had taken the drug and ...payed for it, he passed out almost immediately. Faster than usual actually. It was clear he had taken something that day before, we had known that much, but not what exactly. Matt got nervous..he didn´t want a...complications on his hands.“  
„Or a corpse“, Cas added. He was beyond surprise, or even caring.  
He felt Chad´s look on his face, but didn´t look at him.   
„Just...go on“, he said, voice rough.  
„We brought him out the back door and to your appartment. I made Matt believe i´d give Dean a shot of adrenaline to make him wake up, but it was a treatment prepared by Dr. Sheppard here to prevent the organs from shutting down. Well...it was meant to do that at least.“  
Chad looked at Dr. Sheppard. They were silent for a moment.  
„I checked Dean´s vitals before we left. They were Ok. So we left.“  
Dr. Sheppard cleared his throat.  
„What we did not know was that your partner was still on heavy medication as an aftermath to his car accident. We only found out today when the blood screening came in.“  
He paused, looking at Cas apologetically.  
„I´m really sorry, Mr. Novak. We thought...we were sure to be on the safe side here. We would never have taken the risk had we known about it.“  
He seemed sincerely sorry. Yes, they all were sorry. So was Cas.  
„The effect of the drug, the shot I gave Dean, the drugs he used before, and the medication on his body...it is like fuelling a motor with all kinds of different fuels. Highly explosive ones.“  
Cas stirred at the mentioning of motors.  
Dean came to his mind, sitting on the bonnet of his beloved car, laughing at Cas. It was one of his favorite pictures of him. He always was so happy around old cars.  
„The rest of the story you know“, Chad went on. „Dean´s organs shut down. He went into a coma and was brought here. We...we had stopped the surveillance by then, believing the whole thing was over and under control.“  
Cas stared at his hands. He noticed only then that he wore his cook´s jacket. There was a stain on one of the cuffs. He thought of the Sheera he had prepared with Radj. The delicious scent of the grinded cardamom. He´d wanted Dean to taste it ....this night. When he´d come home and be sorry and make it up to Cas.  
He looked at the doctor then.  
„Will he wake up?“  
´Cause that was the question he wanted an answer to. Not how the FBI could have used his partner as a scapegoat for their investigation. Not how they could not know about his medication when they had the whole fucking data floating on their pc´s. Not how they could be so sure the „treatment“ would work anyway. Not how they could let Dean buy drugs and use them in the first place. Not how – not why Dean. His Dean.  
„Doctor Sheppard? Will he wake up?“  
He´d not let them get away easily. Not any more.  
The doctor cleared his throat again.  
„We can´t say. We simply don´t know yet. I´m sorry.“  
I bet you are. Cas nodded slowly.  
„Did any of the other...victims...stay in a coma? Or did anyone...“ he had to brace himself to say it. „Did anyone die yet?“  
Chad looked at him, face guarded.  
„No...and no. No casualties so far, and all of the other victims have recovered reasonably well. Not without heavy treatment though.“  
„Dean´s special case makes it difficult for us to tell how his system will react on the long run“, Dr. Sheppard added. „We´ll have to wait.“  
Dean´s special case. Cas felt anger boil up inside, hot and burning.  
He stood up, chair screaching back. The two other men jumped.  
„Well, thank you for this..detailed..information. If you don´t mind, I want to be with my partner now. Or with what is left of him.“  
He turned and left the room, not looking at their startled faces any more.


	31. Anger

Danneel jumped when the door was opened with vigor. She stared at the man standing in the doorway, glaring at her, seemingly surprised to find someone at Dean´s bed.  
She stood up hastily.  
„I´m...I´m sorry. I didn´t want to intrude...but you told me to talk to him, so...“  
Her voice trailed away. Dean´s partner – Cas – had an expression of barely suppressed anger written on his face. There was the sadness, and the desperation – but the anger was stronger now. What had Chad told him to make him that angry?  
Cas exhaled, obviously trying to calm down.  
Danneel saw him ball his hands into fists and open them again a few times.  
„I´ll leave ...so you can stay with your partner“, she said.   
He cleared his throat.  
„Thank you for staying with him“, he croaked. His voice was deep and rough.  
„And thank´s for talking to him, too. For what it´s worth...“  
He looked at Dean then, and a flash of pain crossed his face. Danneel couldn´t watch this any more. All that despair and sadness and pain.  
„I hope..I hope he will wake up soon“, she said, trying to keep her voice steady.  
Cas looked at her and took the hand she held out to him.  
„Thank you....“ He seemed to search for something in his mind.  
„Excuse me...what was your name again? I didn´t...I didn´t really pay attention before.“  
Danneel smiled at him. Who would, in a situation like that?  
„I´m Danneel. Danneel Roman. Matt´s sister?“  
He seemed to turn into stone the moment she said her name.  
His face took on an expression so frightening it made her take a step back.  
Danneel stared at him, confused.   
„Mr. Novak?....What´s ...is everything OK?“  
„OK? YOU really ask ME if everything is OK?“  
He looked murderous. Danneel stepped back again. She felt the wall in her back.  
Cas laughed. It was the sort of laugh that made the hair on your arms stand up.  
„And how would you fit in this whole fucked up operation? Have you played your role well, or were there some `complications´ too!“  
He was postitively shouting at her now.  
Danneel was taken aback. What was going on here? She felt her self-confidence melt away rapidly. Something was seriously wrong.  
„I´m sorry...but I´ve no idea...what are you talking about!“  
She sounded defiant, and she knew it.  
„What I´m – what I´m-“ Cas voice broke then. A strange noise freed itself from deep down in his throat, strangled and painful to hear. Danneel realized he was crying.  
„Your brother did this to him! That´s what I´m talking about! He sold him the drugs! Dirty drugs! And now – now -“   
Cas couldn´t go on. He stood there, staring at the girl in front of him. His lips moved, as if he was still talking – but no sound came out any more.   
Danneel was petrified. Matt? Matt had sold drugs? To Dean? It couldn´t be true.  
„There must be a mistake,“ she whispered weakly. Her voice was thin.  
„Matt ... Matt doesn´t sell drugs. He is in my Dad´s business...he would never...“  
Her voice faded.   
Cas glared at her with these huge eyes, opened so wide she could see a white ring around the irises.  
He seemed to want to say something, but in this moment the door opened and Chad came into the room. He was at Cas´side with two long strides. Danneel noticed he positioned himself right between herself and Cas.  
„Cas!“, he said, voice tense and urgent.  
Cas raised his wild stare from Danneel and looked at Chad instead.   
„What could you possibly have to say to me“, he said, so low Danneel could hardly hear him. He sounded dangerously calm now.  
„Cas, she doesn´t know. Danneel is not part of this. You have to believe me.“  
Cas stared at him, then at Danneel who pressed herself against the wall.  
He opened his mouth as if to say something, when the door opened again, and the nurse came into the room. Her face was stern.  
„If you shout like that again in this room or anywhere in the Intensive Care Wing, or anywhere else in this hospital, I will have thrown you out!“  
Chad turned to her.  
„I´m very sorry – Loretta. We have a bit of a situation here. We – I – got carried away.“  
The nurse glared at him.  
„Then take your situation outside and clear it in the waiting area. But no one shouts in here. Have I made myself clear!“  
She stood in the doorway, holding the door open in a way that clearly said: Out! Now!  
Chad shrugged his shoulders.  
He looked at Danneel briefly.   
„Danneel, would you come with me, please? I´ll try to explain everything to you.“  
He turned to Cas, who seemed deflated. And tired.  
„Cas...I´m sorry. I really am. This whole ...thing...did not run the way we planned...or expected. But Danneel here has nothing to do with it.“  
He looked at the other man searchingly.   
He´s looking for...forgiveness, Danneel thought, bewildered. Oh my God, what is this all about....  
Whatever Chad was looking for, he didn´t seem to find it in Cas´eyes.  
„Please leave“, Cas mumured in a spent voice.  
„Just – leave.“  
Chad stared at him for a second, then he nodded.  
He took Danneel´s arm and led her out of the room, passing the nurse on their way. Danneel could feel her severe, suspicious look on her back while they were walking down the corridor and to the room right at the back.


	32. Waiting Area

Raj couldn´t sit still anymore.  
He stood up from the too soft, too worn out leather chair and began walking up and down the waiting area.  
Sam looked up at him.  
Bobby had left a few minutes ago to grab a sandwich and a coffee in the cafeteria – „No use to either Dean or Cas if we´re starving here“ -, but Sam had declined his offer to join him, and Raj had just answered, „I´m a cook, man. In one of the fucking best places in town. Do you really think I´d eat crap from a cafeteria!“  
Sam had stared at him, surprised at the tone and words Raj used – it was totally out of character for him to swear -, but Bobby had just shrugged his shoulders and left.  
Well, everyone´s a bit on the edge here, Sam thought, watching Raj walk in circles like some caged animal in a zoo.  
They had hoped for the nurse to come to her desk again, getting a chance to ask her about Dean, or Cas, or anything at all; but they hadn´t been lucky so far.  
Raj looked at his watch.  
„I have to call Jo and Irina...“, he said. „The Birthday Party tonight....“  
Sam nodded, and Raj went to the end of the corridor to make his call.  
Sam was leafing through the stake of old magazines on the table. His hands stopped when he came upon a well-worn Grip Magazine. Motors and cars. Dean´s great passion...  
Sam sighed, and rubbed his eyes. He wished they had stayed with Cas the night before. He knew it was irrational to think it would have changed anything that was happening right now; but at least he wouldn´t feel so guilty for having abandoned a friend in a really shitty situation.  
His phone rang. Gabe. Finally.  
He opened his phone to his partners goofy moustache pic – Gabriel had a weakness for things like that – and stared at it for a moment before answering.  
„Hey, Gabe!“  
„Sam! What the hell is going on! I only read your message...well, your load of messages right now. The meeting took ages, sorry...where are you? I totally freaked-“  
„Gabe.“  
„ – are you Ok! Is Cas –„  
„GABRIEL!!“  
The line went quiet. Sam never called his partner Gabriel, only if he really was mad at him or he had to shut him down for good.  
„I´m Ok, Gabe. I´m at the Saint Vincent´s with Raj and Bobby from he garage. Cas is with Dean in the Intensive Care wing.“  
He heard Gabe breathe.  
„Intensive Care“, his partner stated, voice low and flat.  
„Not again...what happened, Sam? What the heck did Dean do last night! It can´t have been the alc-„  
„Gabe, if you don´t shut up, I´ll end the call!“  
Sam felt a bit on the edge too, and it showed in his reaction. He usually wasn´t that jumpy either. Gabriel seemed to sense his partner´s state of mind though. He exhaled slowly, saying, „Sorry, Sam. It´s just that these messages weren´t to clear about what had happened. You really had me worried here. Now...just tell me, OK? I won´t interrupt. Promise.“  
Sam took a deep breath himself.  
„Sorry, Gabe. This is a bit frustrating here...I shouldn´t have taken it out on you.“  
He heard Gabriel grunt. Apology accepted.  
„Well, what happened....I got a call from Jo in the afternoon...at about 4pm I guess. I´d just come home...an she begged me to come down cause there was some kind of emergency.“  
Sam fiddled with the motor magazine on the table. His stomach still clenched when he remembered Jo´s freaked out voice. Jo was not one to freak out easily.  
„So I went down...and found Cas totally...out of it. He looked like..a zombie or something. And Raj was trying to help...not very successfully. Cas was on the phone when I came in, obviously he had got a call from Bobby about Dean. Raj tried to fill me in on what he had figured out...Cas was ...like knocked out. Running on autopilot. We just took him and drove to the hospital.“  
Sam stood up and went over to the window.   
„We met Bobby here...he was with some guy – a very strange one at that – and a girl, and Gabe – the strange guy obviously is an FBI agent.“  
„What?“  
Gabe´s voice was high pitched. „FBI? What is going on here?“  
„Yeah, that´s what we were asking ourselves too“, Sam went on.  
„Bobby wasn´t allowed to go in see Dean, so at least he could tell us what he knew.“  
He sighed.  
„Obviously Dean took drugs...again.“  
„Shit...“   
„I know....“. Sam turned when he heard someone approach. It was Raj, phone in hand too.  
„He had passed out in a coffeeshop or something. Bobby only found out when he called Cas and asked after Dean...well, and Cas had talked to Dean and had been sure he´d be at the garage, so...there was some confusion. And this Chad guy..the FBI agent...he found out what had happened doing some serious computer hacking. Well, it´s probably not hacking if the FBI does it....“  
Sam watched Raj sit down and stare at the motor magazine. He fingered the edges distractedly.  
„So...obviously Dean wasn´t drunk last night. He was drugged. And with some really dangerous stuff too. There are more cases like his....that´s all Bobby could tell us. And now we are in the waiting area here at Saint Vincent´s and don´t really know what´s going on. They won´t let us in, and Cas hasn´t come out yet. Nor have the FBI agent or the girl.“  
„What girl?“  
„You know...the one who was with Bobby? Er....Danny or something...Danneel. I thought she was with Bobby, but then the – Chad took her inside the Intensive Care. So maybe she is part of this...operation. She didn´t look like it, tho....“  
„Well, if this is some under-cover sort of thing, that´s the point of it“, Gabe said dryly.  
„Probably“, Sam answered.  
Gabe exhaled deeply. „What a mess. How´s Cas holding up?“  
„I couldn´t tell...he was shocked. Now I haven´t seen him for over an hour.“  
„Do you want me to come over? I can skip the next meeting. Will be awfully boring anyway.“  
Sam scuffed. „Thanks, Gabe, but no...I´ll hold on here and call if something comes up. No good to change boredom against anxiety, believe me.“  
Raj looked up at Sam then, searching for his attention.  
„Look, Gabe, I have to go...talk to you later, OK? Bye...“  
„Bye, Sammy.....“  
Sam waited for a moment. Gabe only called him Sammy when something was bothering him.  
„Gabe? What´s wrong?“  
„Nothing. Well...I don´t know. You think we should have stayed with Cas yesterday? Maybe this wouldn´t have happened...“  
He sounded remorseful.  
Sam sighed.  
„I don´t think so, Gabe. It wouldn´t have kept Dean from going to work. And he had the stuff already inside him then..so no, definitely not.“  
„OK....well, bye then.“  
„Bye, Gabe.“  
Sam hung up on his partner.  
He looked at Raj, raising his eyebrows.  
Raj stood up.  
„Sam...I heard you will be staying here?“  
Sam nodded.  
„I should go to the restaurant. Jo and Irina can´t manage the Birthday Party all on their own...and I can´t do anything useful here anyway.“  
„Of course, Raj. Go help them...I´ll be here. I´ll keep you posted.“  
Raj touched his arm briefly.  
„Thanks, Sam....for everything. You´re a good friend.“  
Sam smiled, sadly.  
„Yeah...well. Not that it helps much around those two...“  
Raj sighed.  
„I know...“  
He left. Sam looked down at the table. Raj had left a page open...it showed a picture story of the successful renovation of an old 1960s racing car found in some barn in Minnesota.  
Sam exhaled slowly.  
Dammit, Dean. How did you get yourself into this mess again...and Cas. And Raj. And everyone else who cares for you.


	33. Knowing

Chapter 33

Chad looked into the room to see if it was empty before leading Danneel in. It seemed to be an office, furnitured with a desk holding two computers, and a small sitting area.  
Chad gestured her over to the leather chairs.  
„Let´s sit down“, he said.  
Danneel took one of the chairs. She looked at Chad expectantly – and nervous. And confused.  
Before she could ask or say something, Chad started to talk.  
„I know this must be utterly confusing for you, Danneel. I´ll just try to present you the facts first...and then you can ask me whatever you want. I will give you the answers as far as it´s possible.“  
He looked at her, waiting for her to give her approval to this. Danneel nodded briefly. Her stomach felt queezy.  
„I am sorry to have to tell you his, but we have proof that your brother has been selling drugs for the last three years. We have been watching him, have had surveillance on parts of his organization, and I have been working undercover in it for the last 18 months.“  
Danneel stared at him. Her brain seemed to be working in slow motion.  
„What happened to Dean today, it has happened before“, Chad went on. „The drugs your brother sells are dangerous – well, more dangerous as the usual ones. You can imagine we were eager to stop him selling them as soon as possible.“  
Danneel shook her head slowly.  
„More like Dean“, she whispered. „This can´t...this can´t be...my brother...he may be mischievious, but he is no...he doesn´t hurt people!“  
She wanted to believe it. She had to. But at the same time, even while she was saying the words, she remembered scenes from when they had been kids and teens...Matt capturing animals and closing himself into the garden shed no one used any more with them. The noises she heard from there....it made her still shiver after so many years. And then the one summer at the beach, when they had played Gang War against a group of local kids...he had organized and instructed their little team in a way it was no longer a game. And when they had gotten hold of the other team´s leader....Danneel shuddered. It had been there all along. She just hadn´t wanted to see it. And still...he could be friendly and cute and ready to help. And very charming. Maybe that was the problem: He could charm anybody into anything.  
„I´m afraid you don´t know your brother as well as you think you do“, Chad said dryly.  
„As I said, we have proof. But Danneel...there is more.“  
She closed her eyes for a moment. What would come next?  
„Your father – Dick, that is – he knew about your brother´s ...business. And he tried to cover it up – put the lid on it.“  
Danneel sat up straight. „No way!“, she cried angrily. „Not my father! Matt – well, I´ll have to believe you on that one, right? But not my father. He is a renown businessman and a politician and he´ll run for Senat for Christ´s sake!“  
Chad looked at her, a painful expression on his face.  
„Exactly, Danneel. He is a smart businessman with connections everywhere. And he is a politician who has made his way to the top steadily. Do you really think someone can achieve that without – bending the rules sometimes? Stepping over the line? Don´t be naive, you are too smart for that!“  
Danneel glared at him. He was angry. But why? It wasn´t his father...and brother. She decided to let her own anger grow – and show.  
„I´m not naive!“, she shouted. „I only have difficulties to believe my family is obviously doing a Godfather revival! Sorry, but I´ll need the proof you talked about!“  
„Fine!“  
Chad took out his phone. He exhaled deeply.   
„I´m sorry, that was – very unprofessional. Let me show you this, then you´ll have your proof.“  
Danneel was suddenly not sure anymore she wanted to see what he had got.  
But Chad had already checked the files on his phone.  
„Listen“, he said.

„...so...the stuff my son is selling is actually life threatening?“  
„I´m afraid so. It´s contaminated. Plus it doesn´t react with other...substances...in a healthy way. It´s even dangerous when combined with larger amounts of alcohol.“  
„Well, that´s it then. Initiate the proceedings we talked about. You´ve got the papers?“  
„Yes, sir. Everything´s prepared.“  
„Good“.  
„Well, I´ll not be seeing you then for a while...thank you, Chad. And keep me posted. You know the drill.“  
„Yes, sir.“  
„Nothing of this will ever leave the office.“  
„I understand that, sir“.

Chad closed his phone. Danneel sat there, looking at her hands.  
She felt numb.  
„What was the plan?“, she asked, looking at Chad then.  
„I was to bring Matt to South America. Your father has some business partners there. And the danger of Matt being handed over to the authorities in case the whole story came out was...neglectible.“  
„Where is Matt now?“ Danneel had reached the point where she only wanted to get over with it.  
„In a facility owned by the FBI. So is your Father.“  
They were quiet for a while. Daneel could hear the soft clicking of Chad´s wristwatch.  
„Does my – does Henry know?“, she finally asked.  
„No.“ Chad looked at her, pity in his eyes. „He has got no clue. And he´s left for France so he doesn´t know about the arrests yet. I gathered you would....“  
Danneel nodded.  
„I will call him“, she said, voice flat.  
„Can I tell Gen?“  
„Of course. You can call her any time.“  
He fiddled with the phone in his hands.  
„Look, Danneel...I´m really sorry about this. You should probably be with someone you can talk to. The next weeks will be tough ...maybe you and Gen can leave for a while? Go to France with Henry?“  
She looked into his face, the babyblue eyes sincere. She could tell he cared.   
„Thanks for telling me everything“, she said.  
„I think – I think I will call my fiancé now.“

It rang only two times before Gen took the call.  
„Danneel! How´s Riot doing? Are you at home with him? Are you getting along?“

„Gen....“  
When she heard Gen´s voice, something in her broke down...the wall she had tried to keep upright all the time. The facade she showed the world. She realized all she wanted...all she needed right now was Gen. Her kind eyes. Her warm hug. Her understanding. And her sharp intellect.  
Gen took in her mood instantly.  
„Danneel? Baby, what´s wrong?“  
„Can you...can you come and fetch me, please? I really, really need you...“  
Gen sounded alarmed.  
„Danneel, what are you talking about! Where are you?“  
Danneel sighed. Her throat felt suddenly sore and tight.  
„I´m at Saint Vincent´s...but I´m alright, don´t worry. I´m here with...someone else. I´ll tell you, but....can you please come?“  
„I´ll be there in twenty minutes. Hang in there, Baby, you hear me? I´m on my way!“  
Danneel looked at the phone in her hand before putting it into her purse. Then she went down to Chad´s car. She had a dog to look after.


	34. Talks

Chapter 34

Cas just stood there, watching the FBI agent walk down the corridor with the girl. He felt as if something had sucked all energy out of his body. Drained and empty. He couldn´t even muster anger any more.   
„You should sit down, Mr. Novak. Let me help you.“  
He started when she touched his shoulder. He hadn´t even noticed his eyes had been closed. The nurse just led him to the chair at the bed´s side and made him sit down.  
„I´ll bring some tea for you. Or would you prefer coffee?“  
Cas shook his head.  
„Thank you, but no...I can´t...“  
The nurse put on her stern face again.  
„I´ll not take no for an answer, Mr. Novak. You have to look after yourself within all this mess. You are no help for your partner here if you´re on the verge of breaking down. And he needs you with all your strength, believe me!“  
Cas stared into her eyes. Her face might be stern, but her eyes were kind.   
He cleared his throat.  
„I´m sorry. I....I´ll have some tea, please.“  
„There you go“, the nurse – Loretta – said, gently padded his shoulder and left.  
Cas exhaled deeply. He closed his eyes again. The beeping seemed to get louder instantly. Cas listened to the rhythm....this was Dean´s rhythm now. Cas thought of the times when his head had been lying on Dean´s chest. Dean´s heartbeat resonating in his ears.  
Suddenly he felt the urge to hear, to feel this sound again. He bent over the immobile figure in the bed unil his front touched the white sheets on Dean´s chest.  
And there it was, almost imperceptible.  
ddm---ddm---ddm---ddm---ddm---ddm---  
It felt so familiar. Like a song he had known all his life. He turned his head so that his ear was directly over Dean´s heart.  
ddm---ddm---ddm---ddm---ddm---

 

Sam looked up when the door to the Intensive Care Unit finally opened. As soon as he saw it was the nurse coming out of the door, he was on his feet and in her way in no time.  
She seemed not really thrilled to have her way blocked like that, but he didn´t mind. He had to know what was going on or ....he´d drive himself crazy.  
„Excuse me, nurse...er...Loretta? I know you are not supposed to tell us, but...can you give us some information at least? It is kind of frustrating not to know what´s going on. Please?“  
Sam didn´t know it, but his face could be absolutely irresistible on times. Especially when he was askig for something. It was what Gabe called his Puppy-Eyes-Look. Sam wasn´t really sure what that would be, and Gabe had never explained it other than saying, „It´s the thing you do with your eyes, man! And the front. You have a way of pulling it together..never mind!“  
Obviously it worked on the nurse, tho.  
She watched him for a moment, looked back at the entrance to the Intensive Care Wing as if to make sure nobody saw them talking.  
Then she turned to Sam again and sighed.  
„You know your friend is in a coma, right?“  
When Sam nodded, she went on.  
„His organs began to shut down reacting to a substance he had taken. So far, his kidneys and the liver are damaged. He has already a limited lung function, so his body reacted quite strongly. The combination of malfunctioning detoxification and insufficient oxygen supply caused his brain to crash.“  
She sighed.  
„It is the worst case so far. I´m really sorry.“  
Sam was shocked. He had expected bad news, but this....this sounded more like...  
„Is there a chance he might wake up?“  
Loretta glanced up at him. She looked tired.  
„There is always a chance“, she said. „Always. I ´ve been working here for more than 20 years now. I´ve seen many things...some of them I can only call miracles. So, yes. He can absolutely wake up.“  
Sam was not sure this made him feel any better. Miracles...it sounded like despair talking to him.  
„But if...when he wakes up, will he be alright? Or...or will there be damage?“  
The nurse sighed again.  
„That´s impossible to tell“, she only said.  
Sam nodded. „Thank you“, he said quietly. „For being honest“.  
She nodded too.  
„Your friend – Mr. Novak – he will need good friends“, she said, looking up. „No matter how this turns out. He will need any help he can get.“  
Sam looked into her eyes.   
„I know“, he answered. „We will be here. He´ll not be alone.“

He went back to the window and took out his phone.  
He had to update Raj. And Gabe..  
„Sam! Any news!“  
It was Bobby´s voice who made him lower the phone again.  
„Yes...I just spoke to the nurse, Bobby.“  
He told him everything he knew. Bobby looked shocked. He just sat there, staring from the table to Sam to the glass wall and back.  
Sam saw his face twitch. He stood up then.  
„I have to call Raj“, he said, touching Bobby´s shoulder briefly.  
Bobby just sat there, turning his cap in his hands, staring at the magazine on the table without seeing it.

Cas knew what was coming when the doctor he had met before entered the room. He had been through this before after all.   
He didn´t want to hear the speech. He just wanted to sit there, his head on Dean´s chest, and listen to his heartbeat. As long as there still was one. Nothing else mattered. Nothing at all.  
But he straightened himself up instead, stood, smiled even faintly. Listened to the doctor, nodded. Looked at the monitors when the doctor gestured to a particular curve or number.   
When the doctor was finally done, the two men stood there in silence. The machines beeped. Cas listened to Dean´s faint breathing.  
„There is no hurry to decide“, the doctor said. „We will do what we can to improve your partner´s general status. But you must be prepared. ..in case we cannot balance out his levels. And even then he will probably need surgery, maybe even organ transplantation. It will be a tough time.“  
He looked down at Dean, then back to Cas.  
„This is the worst situation anyone can possibly be in“, he said quietly.   
„Try to talk to friends, family...people you can trust.“  
Cas listened into his own head. He could still sense the faint vibration of Dean´s heartbeat...  
„But in the end you´ll have to make this decision alone“. The doctor continued.  
Yes. He would be the one to make it. Alone. Just to get a glimpse of how life would be when.....if Dean would be gone.


	35. Hope and Desperation

Jo and Irina exchanged a telling look when Raj arrived.  
He looked awful. Well, still maddeningly handsome of course – but worn out, worried and – pissed.  
His usually impeccable black hair was ruffled – which gave him a sexy 19th century romantic hero–look, at least that was what Irina immediately thought of – and he had totally wrinkled his cook´s jacket.  
Jo wasn´t one to hold back on her opinions, and she told him hers the moment she saw him come through the back oor.  
„You look like shit, Raj! Can´t go in like that, man!“  
Raj glared at her, but didn´t answer. He was just too spent for that.  
He changed into a fresh jacket and combed his hair accurately in front of the small mirror in the „dicks only“-room. He stared at his reflection for a minute.  
Cas´ face right before he had entered the Intensive Care Wing. So frightened. And resigned.  
How could this mean love? Raj didn´t get it. There was far too much pain and anxiety involved as far as he could tell. Wasn´t love to be meant as a fountain of happiness and joy and star spangled nights? About promises....love was about promises. And about keeping them. Not making them, breaking them and making them again in a never ending circle, destroying trust and hope on the way.  
He shook his head. He was wrong, obviously. Love seemed to include all of this, at least for Cas and Dean. Dean...who sure had made Cas very happy during the last years – Raj was not above admitting to this – but had also dragged him into some really dark and unhappy spots.  
Raj splashed cold water on his face angrily. He would never have put Cas through things like this. Never. He would have cherished him. Parts of him were angry about Dean, for being who he was; parts about Cas, for choosing Dean; and a great part about himself, for not taking the chance of making Cas his when there was still time.  
Talking of missed opportunities...  
He dried his face and glared at his own face in the mirror once more.  
Don´t blame Dean for your own ineptitudes. As Jo said, it won´t make Cas love you.  
Raj swallowed hard. His own eyes looked at him accusingly. Because for a moment he had given in to the one thought he had buried deep deep down in his mind for the whole afternoon, since Cas had taken the phone call from Bobby.  
What if Dean died....and Raj would be the one to pick up Cas´ pieces.

„Cas!“  
Sam was on his feet the moment he saw his friend stand in the entrance.  
Bobby looked up from the Grip Magazine he had pretended to read.  
Cas just stayed where he was for a moment, looking lost, rubbing his face.  
Sam went over to him and looked into his tired face only for a second, before engulfing him in one of his huge, warm hugs. He felt Cas´ back and shoulders go rigid.  
„Cas“, he repeated, voice gentle and almost inaudible.  
And Cas crumpled. His walls, those huge, massive fortress walls he had built and hold up since the last time he had found Dean in a hospital, were coming down. He leaned his head against Sam´s broad chest. Sam felt his friend´s body relax...he practically went limp. And started shivering the next moment. Bobby stood at the table, not sure what to do. He didn´t know Cas as well as Sam, but as far as he could tell, the man looked as beaten as you could get. Heartbroken, thought Bobby. That´s what heartbroken must look like.  
Sam brought Cas to the sitting area. He didn´t say anything though, just let Cass find his own time to talk – or stay quiet. Bobby appreciated that. No wonder Dean had always spoken highly of their tall neighbor.  
„The doctor gave me the speech“, Cas finally said, gravelly voice calmer than the other two men had expected, but flat.  
„...about decisions I´ll have to make eventually.“  
Sam cringed. After what the nurse had told him, he had feared exactly that.  
There are decisions no one should be forced to make, he thought.  
He cleared his throat.  
„But...we are not there yet, right? It´s the first day, Cas. Dean has shown he´s tough before.“  
Sam watched his friend intently. Cas nodded slowly.  
„I know.....“  
He plucked at his jacket´s sleeve. Sam noticed a dark red spot on it.  
„But this time....this time there might be complications, even if he does wake up. Organ damage. Transplants maybe. Long time rehab at least. Or even...brain damage.“  
The last words came out as a hoarse whisper.  
Bobby went numb. Brain damage. Pictures floated through his mind, of people in wheelchairs, and others dragging their feet agonizingly slow; of stammered, blurred words, and drooling mouths. Glazed eyes.  
„But this...but...they can´t tell, right?“, he burst out, to cut out the pictures mostly.  
Cas looked at him, startled.  
„Ahm...no,“ he said. „Chances are fifty-fity, the doctor said.“  
Sam´s face expressed what Bobby felt.  
„We´ll have to hope, then“, he said. 

He took Cas finally down to the cafeteria, where they both took something randomly and forced themselves to eat a few bites. Sam saw to it that Cass drank his juice and finished at least quarter of his burger. He looked like he´d be throwing up though.  
Cas fiddled with the napkin on the table, rolling it , opening it again, tugging at the corners.  
Finally he looked up. Sam was taken aback by the expression on his friend´s face.  
He had thought he had already seen pain. Obviously he had been wrong.  
Cas´ voice was only a croak.  
„What do I do, Sam?“  
His blue eyes so huge. So frightened.  
„I cannot...I can´t...“  
Sam took his hands in his.  
What can I possibly say to you, Cas....what if it was me sitting there...and Gabe lying in a bed somewhere in this hospital...there are no words to soothe this pain. And none at all to make this easier for you.  
„Don´t...don´t give up on Dean yet, Cas. You hear me? The point may come where you´ll have to make a decision. But not yet. Now..now there is still hope, right? We´ll stick to that and cross the bridge when we get there, OK?“  
He saw a tiny smile on Cas´ lips then.  
„That´s what Dean always says“, he murmured.  
Sam smiled too.  
„I know. And he´s right.“

They drove up in the elevator again, each of them lost in their own thoughts. The non -committal music was oddly out of place.  
Cas wanted to stay in the hospital of course, so Sam went to call Gabe to make him gather a few things for him and for Cas at their neighbors´ apartment – they had exchanged keys long ago. He wouldn´t hear about leaving Cas alone this time. It was Saturday the next day, he didn´t have to work.  
He felt so relieved to hear his partner´s voice on the phone he actually had to stifle a sob.  
„Sam? Sammy? Are you OK, man?“  
Gabe immediately was on alert. Sam hastily tried to calm him.  
„I´m OK, Gabe. It´s only...this is such a mess. And I hate to feel helpless. And Gabe...“  
He rolled his eyes at himself, but couldn´t help saying it.  
„...I love you, man. Should tell you more often...“  
He heard Gabe clear his throat.  
„Oh God, this must really be pulling you down if it comes to this...“  
He turned serious though, something not happening too often. Gabriel used to get over drama with irony and sarcasm.  
„I know, Sam. I love you too.“


	36. Dreams of the Past

„Dad?“  
The noises coming from the kitchen had woken him up.  
Glass shattering on the floor. Something heavy crashing against the rickety table, making it screech over the floor.  
He sighed, rubbing his eyes when he couldn´t read the numbers on his watch. 2.30....  
The floor was cold on his bare feet.  
„Dad!“  
No answer. He wadded down the stairs, already dreading what he would find in the kitchen. He stopped at the door. Tiny glass sheds covered the floor, some colorless liquid  
between them. The smell told Dean it was not water.  
„Dad....“  
Finally the crumpled figure on the floor let out a moan.  
He watched his father stir, trying to sit up, and failing. His shirt and trousers were stained. Not again....  
He went to the main entrance and put on his shoes. No need to cut his feet on top of everything else. He shoved the remains of the bottle – vodka, presumably – to one side and bent over his father. The stench was repellent.  
„Dad, come on...“  
He was so heavy. Weaving his arms under his father´s, he linked his fingers and tried not to think about the sticky mess he felt.  
He pulled as good as he could, tearing his father´s rather limp body through the booze on the floor and to the living room. He took the shoes off his father´s feet, wriggled him out of the stained trousers. Opened the buttons of the plaid shirt. It was kind of hard to get his father out of it, but finally he had him lying on the floor in his underwear.  
He sat back, leaning against the worn out couch. He was drained in sweat, and his pyjamas were now stained too – booze and vomit all over his sleeves. He shrugged out of his shirt too, throwing it on the heap of clothes.  
He watched his father for a few minutes. He was so tired his brain seemed to be working in slow motion, not taking in much at all. Or maybe he was just so used to it all by now....it was like runnig on autopilot.  
He bent over his father, pulled one arm over, stabilizing him so he wouldn´t suffocate on his own vomit during the rest of the night. Then he scrambled to his feet, took the blanket from the couch and threw it over the snoring figure on the floor. He picked up the clothes, went to the kitchen sink and threw them into it, turning on the hot water. He´d have to get a cheap used washing machine somewhere. No way he´d be running to the laundry saloon with his father´s messed up shirts three times a week.  
While waiting for the clothes to soak, he leant his head against the board, closing his eyes. Rufus wouldn´t be happy to have him bleary eyed and dragging his feet tomorrow again...but he couldn´t change that, could he? And that old grouch should mind his own business anyway. He was still a better trainee in his garage being sleepy and unfocused than Chris or Rob on the best of their days.  
He spilled some detergent over the clothes and went to fetch an old towel to clean up the floor.  
He was 16, and wasn´t this teenage life just great.


	37. Past and Present

„But he´s still alive, isn´t he?“  
Dean shrugged his shoulders, looking annoyed.  
„I don´t know, OK? But I guess he is...would have got some papers on the house otherwise I guess.“  
Cas shook his head.  
„I know you´ve got issues with your Father, Dean, but...“  
„Issues!“ Dean snorted. „Issues doesn´t quite cut it, Cas. Just – just leave it be, OK? I don´t want to get in a fight with you over – over something not worth it.“  
Cas stared at him for a moment, then he gave in.  
„Well, then...it´ll be my mothers and Bobby, I guess.“  
„Yeah.“  
Dean was pissed as far as Cas could tell. He always was pissed when his father came up.  
So they avoided talking about him most times...they avoided talking about pretty much everything regarding Dean´s life before he arrived at the city.

Cas was in Dean´s room again. Dean´s room...that´s what it had become during the last ten days. They had passed in a blur...everything melting together in a strange routine of sitting at the side of the bed, going down to the cafeteria, meeting friends in the waiting area. Going home to an empty and soulless apartment, changing clothes, taking a shower. Talking to doctors and nurses. Waiting. And dreading.  
He had finally called his mums on the second day. They had taken the next flight and stayed for a few days; promised to come back on the following weekend. Everyone was kind and caring and helpful, the restaurant running perfectly without him as Raj had organized some friend to jump in. Sam and Gabe came to the hospital on a daily basis, and then there was Bobby of course. He didn´t say much when he was around, but that was just fine with Cas. He didn´t know what to say to people anymore anyway.  
He thought about finding Dean´s Dad. He was his Dad after all, even if they hadn´t seen each other in...ten years? And he had maybe a right to know...  
Dean would probably not approve. But it was Cas´ decision now, wasn´t it? Everything was Cas´ decision now. Plus...it would give him something to do while he was sitting here, staring at Dean´s immobile face, listening to the beeping surrounding him.

„So...you are Dean.“  
„Yeah...can´t deny it. Glad to meet you...“  
Cas watched his Mums. He was proud to see their appreciative glances ...well, he hadn´t expected anything else for sure, Dean being the breathtaking man he was; but it was still endearing to see his Mums flattered by his easy charms.  
„Finally ready to meet the family, huh? I was wondering when Cas would drag you here eventually...“  
It was meant as a joke, but Cas could sense Dean´s hardening muscles through the shirt. He squeezed his arm slightly.  
„Well....uhhmmm...not much of a family guy, sorry...but I´m looking forward to meeting Cas´s whole bunch of family members, I really am. He told me you both are teachers?“

Cas smiled. The first weekend at his Mums´...it had been so unexpectedly lighthearted and easy going. He had probably dreaded the whole „Meet my boyfriend/fiancé“-thing more than Dean, knowing at least parts of his weird family history. But Dean had got along fabulously with everyone, even with grumpy old Uncle Frank – it was a matter of minutes and they were discussing the ups and downs of 1970s car design, as it turned out Cas´ Uncle had owned a dashing yellow Plymouth Barracuda in is younger days.  
And, what had Cas surprised the most: Dean had an easy hand with the kids. Cas´ sisters and cousins brought their numerous offspring, and it seemed all the kids were hanging on Dean´s arms and legs the whole afternoon, at least until their mothers literally pulled them away, telling them to give „the poor man“ a break. When he started a - last minute improvised – fireworks show for them when it got dark, he had their hearts fully conquered...as those of the rest of Cas´ relatives.  
„It´s such a waste that he´d be repairing cars all the time“, one of Cas´ Mums had said to him, watching `DreadfulDean´ chasing a group of pleasantly excited, squealing girls over the lawn. „He is so talented with the kids....would make a great teacher. And father for that.“  
She had thrown Cas a look, smiling mischieviously.   
„Any plans in that direction, Cas?“  
He had only laughed then....“Honestly, Mum, it´s the first time you see the guy, and we are already discussing GRANDKIDS?“ – but the question was justified. As it was, they had not really gotten any farther in the years since then. It was as if Dean could just not bring himself to acknowledge the one truth: that he was NOT his father. No matter what Cas said to make Dean see his own talents regarding children, he simply refused to view it that way.  
„You can´t be sure“, was all he had to say. „You can never know what I will turn into in case...in case something changes. I can´t take that risk, Cas. I just can´t.“  
And that was it. They volunteered to look after Cas´ nieces and nephews on Thanksgiving when everyone else was happy to lay down after the „Kill the Monster Turkey“ event (called so, to the kids´ delight, naturally, by Dean). During Christmas Holidays, they usually took the older kids for a few days to show them the city, play Monopoly and Lord Of The Rings Risk – Dean´s favorite – and cook all their favorite meals together.  
Cas and Dean were even chosen to be Godfathers to the youngest child of Cas´sister Rachel. Cas would never forget Dean´s face when he held the tiny human in his arms during the ceremony: soft and filled with such loving gentleness it almost made him cry.

„You´d have been a great father, Dean“, he said into the silence beyond the machine´s noise.   
If you talk to him, talk to your partner. To someone breathing and alive. It´s important that you see him like that, Cas.   
Ok. He had done it again. Wrong choice of words.  
„You´ll be a great father, Dean“, he tried. It sounded ...too forced. Like he didn´t believe in it anymore.

„Wait! Don´t open your eyes! Easy now...I have to open the door, I said wait!“  
Cas fingered for his keys, laughing and holding Dean´s arms.  
He opened and helped Dean across the threshold.  
„Don´t you dare blink!“, he scolded when Dean´s eyelids fluttered.  
„But...we are there, right! How long do I -“  
„Just one minute, Dean! Don´t spoil the moment now!“  
Dean shook his head, but kept his eyes closed. He grinned though.  
„You´re such a sappy romantic, Cas“, he chuckled.  
„Shut up“, Cas said from the living room. „You are too, you only are too much of a coward to admit it!“  
He came back after two minutes. „Almost done“, he murmured into Dean´s ear.  
He took Dean´s face in both of his hands and pulled him close, kissing his still closed eyes. He brushed over those lush, full lips with his own.  
„You may open your eyes now. Welcome to our home, Dean.“  
Dean had opened his eyes then. But he hadn´t looked at the candle lit apartment first. His green eyes found Cas´ dark blue ones, and he cupped Cas´ cheeks with his rough hands too. They stood there and looked at each other, lost to time and to the world.  
„I love you, Castiel Novak.“

Cas woke up with a start. He felt disorientated.  
„Dean?“   
They had been standing in the entrance of their apartment ...and Dean had...  
The beeping brought him back.   
Against all hope he looked at the bed. Maybe it was not a dream. Maybe...  
The soft breathing. The closed eyes, long lashes not moving, never moving like they used to when Cas was watching Dean sleep and dream....when there was still a Dean. Not an eternally sleeping body wearing Dean´s face.  
Cas rolled his stiffened neck. He could still feel the touch of Dean´s lips on his own...Dean´s hands on his face. The scent of the candles he had lit everywhere to celebrate this special moment. Dean´s breath on his face when he had said the words.


	38. Memories

„DEAN! Come down! You gotta see this!“  
He sighed. Little sisters could be a pain in the ass. Especially when you had to watch them during the holidays. He turned up the music on his walkman.  
He dipped the tiny brush into the equally small paint tin and added a bit of color to the left door handle. Just a drop of silver....perfect.  
He started when the door banged against the wall. The car modell slipped from his fingers.  
„DEAN!!! COME!!! YOU HAVE -“  
„DAMMIT, ANNA!“  
Her mouth fell shut like a trap door in an Indiana Jones movie.  
„Ohhh...sorry...I´m sorry, Dean. But you have to -“  
„Can you just shut up! For once! Just BE QUIET!“  
He took the model car from the table gingerly. It had knocked up one of the paint tins, and the whole right side was stained with ´arctic silver´ now. The side mirror was missing. It probably had landed in the paint.  
„For God´s sake, Anna! Look what you´ve done!“  
She came nearer, throwing a glance at the ruined car.  
„You can fix it, right? Dean? You can....paint it black again?“  
He glared at her.  
„Sure I can. Doesn´t mean I want though.“  
She peeped up at him, eyes huge and pleading. Her voice was small.  
„I´m sorry....“  
He gave her a dark look, trying not to fall for the Puppy Eyes. Dammit, she always did that! And she always got him with it, too.  
„Well, you should be! I was almost finished!“  
„I´ll...I´ll help you? Fixing it?“  
He rolled his eyes. „Oh God help me, NO! You´ll not touch it, OK?“  
He stared at her, waiting for an answer.  
„OK?????“  
She nodded, lips pouting. „OK.“  
„So...what´s all that about then!“  
His sister brightened up instantly.  
„The car, Dean!!! Dad is bringing the new car! And it´s black like you wanted!“  
He was on his feet.  
„What? How do you know? Where is it!“  
„I drove there on my bike, Dean! And Dad was furious ´cause you didn´t watch me properly! And he told me to drive home...but he showed me first! He had to do all the...paying and stuff! But he said they´d be here any minute!“  
She was so excited she was actually bouncing up and down like a flummy ball.  
„Wha – you DROVE there? All alone? Dammit, Anna...“  
„Yeah..but Daddy Balthazar said it was OK as I´m to be a schoolgirl now. And I only used the pavements. And he told Dad not to be too hard on you ´cause you´re doing a great job being my big brother.“  
The words came gushing out of her without any pause – as always.  
Dean opened his mouth to say something when he heard a deep, growling motor sound in the driveway.  
„They´re here!!!!!“ his sister squealed, running from the room and clattering down the stairs.  
Dean went to the window first. A shiny black car just halted in front of the new garage.  
His Dad got out, went to the passenger side and opened the door, holding out a hand for Balthazar.  
He smiled at John, getting out and giving him a kiss on the cheek.  
Then he looked up at the window where Dean stood and watched.  
He smiled. And waved.  
And Dean´s life was perfect again.


	39. Through Time And Space

Cas  
Could dreaming be torture?  
Yes, it could. Cas knew it now.  
That is, it wasn´t the dreaming itself. It was the waking up part that was slowly turning into a nightmare...so to speak.  
It seemed as if his Unconscious was sending him all his best moments with Dean to relish in his dreams, just to make the moment when he realized he had only dreamed – again – the more impossible to bear. And as there were very, very many of those moments, he had begun to dread falling asleep and dreaming at all. Not because of the dreams – oh no. He would have stayed in them if hed been able too. But that was exactly the point: He knew he was gonna wake up....and find himself in the hospital room again, with a bed and beeping machines and a Dean that was not the one he saw in his dreams. Not yet. They would get there though.  
Sometimes he looked at Dean, lying there so peacefully. Maybe that was why he didn´t wake up? Maybe he was cought in a dream like his...in an eternal moment of joy and happiness and love. Who wouldn´t want to stay there...  
But Cas couldn´t do that. He had to be here, be awake, and alert. And keep trying.  
Keep talking, Cas. You can never know....dont give up yet. Read to him....whatever. He has to hear you.  
Loretta sure as Hell didn´t give up on HIM. Well, she had years and years of experience with this sort of thing. It wasn´t that he didn´t believe her, or trust her judgement. It was the fact that Cas felt like slowly dissolving, falling apart piece by piece, with every hour, every day of sitting at Dean´s bedside, spilling every single memory he could think of, and watching an immobile, impassive face at the same time. And hoping all the time to be heard.

Dean  
The moment when I opened my eyes up there, Cas. Standing in our apartment for the first time.....you had even lit candles everywhere like in those pompous tear-jerker movies...  
And the first thing I saw was your eyes.  
And they gave me the courage to say it for the first time.

Cas  
Sometimes Cas managed to hold the dreams just a little bit longer. It was easier when he had his head on Dean´s chest, hearing his heartbeat, smelling his scent...although the scent had changed ...the whiff of motor oil was missing, and the leather of his old jacket...even the cigarette smoke. How had he ever complained about it...it was part of this whole awesome package that was Dean...had been Dean.   
Cas, you´re doing it again.  
Ok. That WAS Dean. 

Dean  
„Can´t you just quit? Others have managed you know.“  
You were so serious about it, Cas....about living a healthy life, eating good stuff, getting out and breathing Mother Nature´s fresh air.  
„But why, Cas? Just to have....dunno...one or two additional years? And NOT smoke all the time? Thanks, but no thanks. I´ve already traded good old greasy fast food for fancy Italian...that should do the trick, right? Please the Gods and everything...“  
Your face back then...I know it was a mean thing to say...and how could I know it wouldn´t be the cigarettes or the booze or...the other stuff... that would finally take me to the egde, but my damn car! And right after I had finally built in the safety belts you were sooo freaking out about...  
Talk about irony....

Cas  
In his last dream they´d been in Dean´s car. In his `BABY´. Man, Dean had a really unhealthy relationship with this motor. He practically treated `her´ like a family member.  
It was the first time Dean had taken him on a ride....the first of his `surprise tours´.   
And that crazy lunatic had seriously taken him to a Drive-in-Movie! Cas hadn´t even known they still existed. He felt like being part of a movie himself...sitting there in front of the huge screen, the film – `The Getaway´, one of Dean´s favorites - slightly blurred, only too aware of the people in the other cars around them when Dean laid his arm around Cas´shoulders and started to snuggle, totally at ease with the situation. Cas wouldn´t admit it, but he felt a little bit...jealous...cause it was so obvious that Dean had already been here...with someone else of course. Plus he was kind of embarrassed he enjoyed the whole thing so much. Wasn´t this the pathetic kind of dating? Totally clichee, and in a 1960s way, too?  
Cas stroked Dean´s slack fingers. He was losing weight. You could already see it in the face...and how long until the muscles in his arms and legs would be atrophied, leaving a soft and limp body instead of the firm, trained one he knew so well.  
„I loved that movie, Dean“, Cas whispered. „And I loved driving Baby with you...you always seemed so...relaxed....when you were near this car....happy like a little boy.“

Dean  
OMG, your face when we finally arrived at that Drive-in-Movie. You were like „I can´t believe he took me on a two hours drive to watch a freakin´ MOVIE on a wall!“  
But all you said was....  
„This is sooooo retro, Dean!“  
And of course you loved it....I could tell. Even if you´d rather have made out with me openly, in front of all the others out there on that parking lot, than admit it back then.

Cas  
Cas needed a break. He padded Dean´s shoulder – a habit he had taken on, running under the `treating your comatose partner as normal as possible´ sign. And it really helped, he had to admit that. It was as if Dean was just tired, and spent a day at home.  
Outside the room he stretched and loosened his stiff shoulders.  
„Morning, love!“  
He turned and smiled at Loretta. She had become...what exactly had she become in the last ten days? A friend? A sister? His rock in the rolling sea....all of it, presumably.  
„Loretta! You´re on shift today...great to have you around.“  
She smiled at him in her warm, motherly way.  
„You bet I´ll be around, Cas. Now....I guess you haven´t had breakfast yet, right?“  
He shrugged his shoulders. „Not really...“  
„Then off you go, Castiel Novak! And if I see you up here before at least half an hour has passed, I´ll send you right back to the cafeteria just to fetch me a coffee I won´t even drink!“  
He chuckled, raised his hands in surrender and went down the corridor to the glass doors. Loretta was....normalty. With her, he could talk like everything was just as it was supposed to be. No pity, no hushed voices, no secret checking-him-out. No well prepared, gentle questions about Dean. Not one of the certain looks....the ones he dreaded...I wonder when he will be ready...to make the decision....  
He would never be ready. How could he possibly be!

Dean  
Where are you, Cas?   
I can´t hear your voice....we were just sitting there in the parking lot, and I was stroking your cheek, remember? And you were so awkwardly aware of the other cars....even when I told you they´d have no eyes for us, even if we were dancing naked on the Impala´s roof.  
I can´t feel you any more....Cas....talk to me....

Cas  
He would have to go home later today....he needed a shower, and a shave, and fresh clothes. No need to look like the living picture of Mr. Pity himself. Plus he wanted to look his best...just in case that...just in case.  
Raj had promised to come over right before lunch preparations started, so he´d have an hour off then. And he should talk to the lawyer Sam recommended. He had to make precautions..preparations...for the case...for afterwards. He didn´t want to though. It was way to early for that! He was still full of hope, the doctors were optimistic, so for Cas it was no question he´d never need anything of it. Lawyers looked at life differently obviously...so he had grudgingly taken the card Sam had given him, and promised to call the guy.

Dean  
Without your voice, it´s getting dark so fast, Cas...the memories won´t come back to me, the pictures are dissolving....and there´s nothing...just the darkness...  
I need your voice...Cas....

Cas  
„The usual?“  
The young help behind the counter smiled at Cas, too. He had become a regular down here after all.  
„Nah...just coffee today, Maddy....but don´t tell Loretta, will you! She´ll eat me alive.“  
Maddy laughed, and her pretty dimples showed. Cas smiled too. Another piece of normalty. Laughing people. Easy conversation. Jokes. Like the teasing and bickering he had with Dean – he missed that.  
But he would have it again. He closed his eyes. You will have that again, Cas.   
He took his coffee to the table right at the window, where the bright morning sun was already casting a beam into the room, tiny flakes of dust dancing in it.  
It was still very early, only a few customers were sitting in the cafeteria, all of them tired-looking, wrinkled and subdued. Was this how he looked like? Probably.  
He sipped his coffee.   
He´d help Loretta wash Dean today, as she´d asked him to do so...and it would be nice to do it...massage his legs and rub his back to avoid damage...it was important to keep him as fit as possible, train the muscles, keep the skin well supplied with blood, the circulation running.  
Then he´d read the newspaper to Dean eventually, especially the sports and motor section, and wait for Raj. 

Dean  
Cas....I can´t hear you....this is getting ridiculous. Why are you hiding? I know I´ve messed up....I know...and I´m sorry....but don´t leave me here...in the dark....I´ll make it up to you...I will, I promised, do you remember? I promised...  
Cas...  
Cas

„Cas?“

Cas  
Cas was still at his table in the cafeteria when his phone rang. That would be Raj....they had agreed Raj would call before leaving the restaurant. But when Cas opened his phone, it wasn´t Raj´s handsome face on his screen, but the goofy pic he had made of Loretta when they had exchanged numbers.  
„Loretta? Is everything -“  
„CAS! Oh My God Cas...come up here...now! There´s someone who wants to talk to you....“


	40. One Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, finally...the last chapter.  
> I originally had planned to stop after chapter 39, and leave the ending open. But my friend Prachi, first reader and critic, was begging for a happy ending, and I can´t resist her charm, so what could I do...<3  
> Thanks, Prachi, for motivational talks, the occasional push, and your sharp eye detecting inconsistencies...  
> And thanks to all of you, for reading or/and leaving kudos on this story, it means a lot!!!I hope you enjoyed it...  
> romachbella

„It´s on!“  
„There! That´s Dick Roman!“  
„They´re actually dragging him out the main entrance? Would´nt have believed it...“  
„That´s Matt! Oh my, someone´s really pissed here...“  
„SHUT UP!“

They all looked at Cas, surprised. He was usually so soft spoken they always forgot he could also speak with this freaky booming voice – deep and growling and yet so loud it made you jump.  
But he smiled, gestured to the tv on the wall and said amiably,  
„Just listen to the reporter, will you? We can discuss it all afterwards!“  
They smiled back, nodded, Jo even raised her glass in mock surrender.  
Staring at the screen, they saw the sombre court reporter gesture to the riot of photographers that had formed around Dick Roman and his son Matt. Both men were brought to the waiting police cars down the long stairs – well, that was at least the plan. As it was, they were bombarded with questions by the reporters pressing in on the cordon of policemen who did their best to keep them as far as possible from the Romans and the officers accompanying them.  
„...are at the moment on the steps of the Main Courthouse, where former councelor Dick Roman and his son Matthew are taken into custody and will be handed over to County Prison immediately. The verdict has actually surprised many of the experienced observers here at the Main Court, as Judge Richings has followed the prosecution´s charges in every respect. Both condemned refused to make an official statement to the extent of the verdict. In a first statement Party Leader Cameron Bancroft has expressed his regret and repulsion regarding the actions of a former Party member and aspiring Senator. „The extent of the verdict is a sign to all of us, that crime can never go unpunished, be it comitted by –„  
„Oh, shut up already“, Jo shouted and raised her glass.  
„Who wants to hear your blahblah! Let´s celebrate!!!“  
„To Justice!!!“  
„Justice, yeah!“  
Cas looked pained, but it didn´t help him very much.  
They waited for his sign though. So he took the champagne glass, raised it, and boomed,  
„To Justice! May Judge Richings live long and prosper!“  
„Yeah...and the Romans rot in Hell!“, crooned Jo.  
„Shhhhh...not all of them, Jo. Let´s not be unfair...“

Jo pouted, but laughed at the same time.

„Oh come on, Cas, it´s THE day to be unfair for once! After all this Roman family put you through? Be a man and start throwing foul tomatoes at your enemies!“  
Cas shook his head, but he smiled.

Raj looked at Bobby. "Have you heard from Danneel lately?"

Bobby nodded. "We er....we talk regularly...." Jo grinned at Irina. It was cute to see the old man blush each time he talked about the "girl" he had practically adopted during the last year.

"They are doing pretty well with their French soap and scent company actually...."

Everyone cheered and drank....Jo and Irina emptied their glasses in one swig; Bobby sipped his champagne, trying not to make a face – he would have his beer afterwards for sure – Raj and James, holding hands, smiling all over their faces. They were still waiting for Sam and Gabe to arrive from court.  
Cas looked down at Dean. Their eyes met, and he raised his glass again. Dean smiled. The skin around his eyes crinkled, and Cas´ heart seemed to miss a beat. He bent down and kissed him on the front....Dean chuckled. He grabbed Cas´ hair and pulled him further down, until their lips met.  
„ A kiss on the front, huh? Next thing you know, we´ll be feeding old bread to the doves in the park“, he murmured, before kissing Cas gently on the lips.  
„Thanks, Cas“, he whispered in Cas´ear when he released him. „This is your day, man. Your victory.“  
Cas looked into Dean´s green eyes.  
He shook his head and smiled, but didn´t answer. He didn´t want to argue today...they were here to celebrate and nothing else!  
„Hey, shhhh....there´s Sam on the screen!“  
„Shhhhhh!!!!“  
„For Heaven´s sake, shut up for one second Jo!“  
„It´s Sam!“  
They all turned their heads back to the tv. Sam was visible, he too standing on the stairs leading to the Main Courthouse. He was talking to the same reporter who had presented the Roman case earlier.  
„....talking to lawyer Sam Rhodes of Mills, Miner and Rhodes, who has represented one of the victims in the Roman case in a spectacular additional case against the FBI. Mr. Rhodes, what can you tell us about the Winchester vs. The Federal Buro trial?“  
Cas watched his friends staring at the screen. They all knew of course what the outcome of the trial would be, as the FBI had made a deal with Sam; but it was thrilling to see the whole thing on TV anyway. And Sam looked just gorgeous in his grey suit, long hair blown slightly by the wind.  
They listened in awe when Sam explained in few words what the case had been about, and how the FBI had been forced to pay a considerable sum to his client. He showed his best dimpled smile, shook the surprised reporter´s hand and left.  
Everyone cheered and drank again.  
„To Sam!“  
„Sammy yeah!“  
It was just the right moment for Sam and Gabe to enter the restaurant, and more cheering and shouting greeted them. They shook everyone´s hands, laughing and joking, Sam graciously taking the compliments from everyone.  
When Sam finally came to Dean´s place, he bent down, taking both of Dean´s shoulders with his huge hands.  
„We did it, man.“  
Sam´s face was serious all of a sudden.  
„We made it!“  
Dean smiled into Sam´s eyes.  
„You mean...you did it. Congratulations, Sam. You´re a great lawyer...the best there is. Thank you...“  
Sam nodded and padded Dean´s shoulders briefly.  
„Thanks for trusting me with this one...“, he said and followed Gabe to their chairs.  
Cas looked at the chatting, laughing group gathered around the large table.  
What a difference one year could make.  
He sat down, leaning in on Dean, pulling him closer with one arm around his shoulder.  
He looked at the face he knew so well...it was still pale, and the blue shadows under Dean´s eyes seemed to be a permanent feature now. It had been a long way from Dean´s waking up, to the kidney transplant he needed eventually, through rehab and training and medication.  
But they had made it.  
Dean smiled again and stroked Cas´cheek gently. His fingers were soft now, without the callouses and the motor oil on them. Cas knew he missed the garage dearly...but it wouldn´t be long now and he ´d be back there half time. That was Cas´ condition – half time only. And to his great surprise, Dean hadn´t really objected to the idea.  
When their guests- friends – realized Cas and Dean were starting to get intimate right under their eyes, they started cheering again; and Jo, always the loudest in their little family, cried out:  
„Hey Mr. Winchester vs. The FBI! Wanna share where all the money will go? Don´t tell me you´ll put it all into some crappy old car, Dean! I won´t have it!“  
Dean laughed.  
„Well, Jo....thanks to Sam here-“ everyone cheered again – „I can fortunately buy a whole collection of `crappy old cars´. And I give a shit if you approve or not!“  
Cas shook his head. „Language, guys! Language! I´ll not have this bad behavior in my restaurant!“  
This brought only more cheering and laughing, until Raj´s friend/coworker – and partner – James asked Dean the question again, this time seriously tho.  
„So Dean...excuse me when I seem curious..but what will you honestly do with all that money?“  
Dean looked at Cas and smiled.  
When he turned to James and the others again, he seemed to beam.  
„I already spent it“, he statet.  
„WHAAAAT?“  
„You´re kidding...“  
„NO WAY!“  
Cas chuckled, and Dean laughed, throwing his head back in the characteristic way of his Cas loved so much.  
„Oh yes“, he simply said.  
„We bought a house.“  
He had their attention now. Sam and Gabe exchanged a knowing look that made Jo raise her eyebrows.  
„A house? Are you serious?“  
„But – what´s with your apartment?“  
„Hey, can we move into your apartment, Dean? Cas? You know we´re looking for - “  
Dean raised his hands in surrender.  
„How am I supposed to tell you if you never SHUT UP!“  
It became quiet.  
Dean sighed. „Thank you. Dammit, your´re worse than all of Cas´nieces and nephews put together!“  
He then took Cas´ hand and squeezed it.  
„Cas and I have decided to buy this house. In fact, we already have...Sam did all the paperwork. So...I guess we own the Gates of Heaven now, plus all Heaven and Clouds above!“  
For a second, it was silent. When the message had sunk in, everyone just cheered happily, and the talking started again.  
Sam raised his glass and addressed Dean and Cas after a while.  
„Have you decided yet on which floor to take?“  
Their friends got quiet again.  
„How - which floor?“, Raj asked.  
„What, their apartment is on the first, but you know that, Sam!“  
Sam only smiled mischieviously.  
„Well...“  
Dean grinned and looked at Cas.  
„Shall we?“  
Cas nodded and stood up. Dean followed him, a little gingerly. Cas squeezed Dean´s hand again.  
„We have to tell you something...something great“, Dean said.  
„We´ll make the whole second floor into one big apartment.“  
„WOHOOO!“  
„Yeah...and....it´s because we´ll need more space in a few months.“  
Silence. Then...  
„What? Why?“ „  
„Will someone move in with you?“  
They both shook their heads and chuckled.  
Dean grinned, Cas smiled at them fondly.  
„We´ll have a baby, assbutts!“


End file.
